I'm sorry, this thread is beyond boring. In fact I may even have made a similar thread before.
I feel like it might be time to cull the 100 or so facebook friends I have from medical school. But I'm shite at being all decisive and stuff. The boring back story is that I have lots of bad memories of medical school, and simultaneously regret dropping out to study a non-prestigious course at a non-prestigious uni. Seeing people's statuses about the medical school, about finals etc, and seeing comments on them by friends I really miss isn't a whole barrel of laughs.
Apart from one or two people I actually still talk to, I think they all need to go. But it appears my compulsive hoarding issues also affect facebook friends (I've probably only deleted one or two people ever), and it's making me really anxious just considering it.
i had a similar problem last year but i got round it by making two facebooks so that i could keep in touch if i ever wanted and oculd follow their lives if i ever wanted to
You're not going back. Why keep torturing yourself over a path you didn't go down? You have your own path ahead of you now and it can be as fantastic as you want it to be. Reminding yourself of things you 'should' have done isn't going to change the fact you didn't do them, and that you made different choices that mean you follow a different path to them, and that's okay.
I know it's hard because you have regrets. But at some point we need to let go of those regrets, especially when they can't be undone, because they are stopping us from moving forward.
I think that's probably already the case - but it sometimes helps to hold on to a part of something we lost because it gives us the illusion we could get it back if we wanted. But the truth is that you were unhappy there, even if it was prestigious and might have made you feel good about yourself. Where you are now, you're surrounded by people who love you and care about you. Deleting these people from Facebook isn't an irreversible change to your life - but you've given it that kind of meaning. What do you think about trying to detach these people from that part of your life? Whatever happens it will still be a part of your life, no one can take that away. But dwelling on the life you maybe could have had isn't healthy...
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
In more serious news, you both make excellent points, thank you. I think I really need to do this, even though facebook culls are very much against the rules.
Ailsa, what do you mean by detaching these people from that part of my life? (Sorry, being dozy today!)
I think I might also make a list to remind me of the ALL the reasons why what I'm doing now is a better idea than medicine anyway.
Sorry, it was a bit vague :P I meant that to you the people from med school are associated with the period of your life when you were at med school. In actual fact, they as people have nothing to do with your study choices. Does that make sense? They're just random people you don't see anymore, and that doesn't reflect any failure or lack on your part. You just don't happen to be in the same place doing the same things any more and therefore their presence on your Facebook is irrelevant!
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
i got round it by making two facebooks so that i could keep in touch if i ever wanted and oculd follow their lives if i ever wanted to
This. But, the way I see it is if you haven't spoken to them in the last 6months/year you probably aren't going to. So what's the point in them being on your profile. That said I'm having the same dilemma
If they're causing you upset being on your friend's list, then delete them. I had the same issue some time ago and the huge sense of relief I had when I deleted them told me all I needed to know. If they really miss you or something, they'll let you know, I am quite sure.
I agree with everyone Jenna, but might I also suggest instead of deleting them all at once if you find that stressful to maybe delete a few a day or something?
I have a similar issue with the people on my facebook from my old uni, and from the last place I lived before moving back to York... The people I went to uni with make me miss that place a rediculas amount and as I regret leaving it seeing them on my feed (especially if there are photos of the uni or the city) often really upset me... I have managed to delete all but about 6 people, who were my closest friends while there so I can't bring myself to delete even though I rarely speak to them anymore.
It is surprisingly hard to delete people, but if they are upsetting you then it's for the best, and if you rarely speak to them then it can be justified a little easier
Could you maybe just set them all to not show up in your feed as a stepping stone?
this is a good idea! I did this with my ex as I didn't want to delete him - I am mildly complusive about remaining friends with ex's - but at the same time for a few months after the break up seeing him on there upset me. So I set it up so I didn't see him on my newsfeed for a bit
Just to say Jenna I can completely sympathise with the whole 'hoarding' thing. I had about 200 Facebook friends from high school, who I only ever really had on Facebook for the purposes of stalking. It took me years to eventually delete them all, but when I did it felt so liberating! It's a big step but once you're over the bridge it feels a lot better, like you can begin to let go of the past that no longer is.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
I think I might also make a list to remind me of the ALL the reasons why what I'm doing now is a better idea than medicine anyway.
I have no advice on the 'culling' but I think this sounds like a really positive thing to do and, if you felt that you wanted to, maybe share it with someone, like Jodie, for example?
Sorry, it was a bit vague :P I meant that to you the people from med school are associated with the period of your life when you were at med school. In actual fact, they as people have nothing to do with your study choices. Does that make sense? They're just random people you don't see anymore, and that doesn't reflect any failure or lack on your part. You just don't happen to be in the same place doing the same things any more and therefore their presence on your Facebook is irrelevant!
Thanks Ailsa, that does make sense. I'm quite good at doing that with the one person I am still friends with, everyone else, not somuch!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ytak
I agree with everyone Jenna, but might I also suggest instead of deleting them all at once if you find that stressful to maybe delete a few a day or something?
This is a good plan!
Quote:
Originally Posted by thumbelina
Could you maybe just set them all to not show up in your feed as a stepping stone?
This is also a good plan!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxtrot Oscar
I have no advice on the 'culling' but I think this sounds like a really positive thing to do and, if you felt that you wanted to, maybe share it with someone, like Jodie, for example?
Yeah, I will share it with Jodie. Mainly so she can yell the reasons at me when I'm mindlessly woe-ing about how I wish I was still at med school :p
Sorry I didn't quote everyone- I didn't want to make this post super-long, but thank you everyone for your replies; they are very helpful. I'm going to start hiding people from my news feed today. The finalists have all found out where their jobs are next year, and ain't nobody got time for reading all that!
Now to start preparing my ego for going down from nearly a thousand friends to significantly fewer (there's probably a lot of secondary school people that need culling too!)
As Jodie already alluded to, you're not going back whether you delete them or hang on to them. And as others have already said, keeping them is only making you feel worse.
I think the two questions you need to ask yourself are:
1. Will your life be any different if you decide to cull those people? If not, feel free to cull them.
2. If you answered yes to question 1, will your life be different in a good way? If yes, cull.
To me it sounds like getting rid of them can only be a good thing.
But deleting them means it's over. It means I'm not going back. =/
Jenna, lovely, you have a much better life than you did then. You're in recovery, you have a loving, caring girlfriend whom would do anything for you and visa versa. You have a true, honest, authentic group of friends around you. You know where you're going in life.
You're not going to be able to get much further in life if you keep holding onto the past, yes you were once a med student but that isn't who you are now. You're a stronger, more independent woman who doesn't need to be dragged back by the past. Just because you close the door doesn't mean that part of your life is no longer there. It will always be in your memory and you'll always have been that med student.
Getting closure from this time in your life will help you and I think you'll feel better for doing so. It's a great step forward in creating the life you want and deserve.
So to summarise for you ;-p I agree you should cull them. <3
