dissociated states/'alters'/internal others & psychiatric medication

[Stellata]

As most of you know I've started the process of medication reduction. Anti-depressant medication.

This morning's therapy session was a bit turbulent, and it became clearly apparent that my other/s have their own opinions on medication and it's withdrawal that are radically different to mine, Katie's. I kind of knew this already, but it became crystal clear when they went into acting out mode, pulling the rug out from under my feet, as it were.
Unsettling as this is, it's actually helpful, because I'm more aware now of what I'm dealing with so I can, well, deal with it better!

So.

Has anyone else with dissociative splits/others ever had similar internal conflicts regarding psychiatric medication?

Any tips for coping with it all?

Thanks,

Katie

P.S. I'll explain in more detail this evening when I get home from work.

[shadow-light]

I've never tried coming off a medication. But I do have internal conflicts about medications, therapy, etc... most of the others don't want to take medication, nor do they want therapy...

What I ended up doing was making sort of argeements. One of my alters is far "stronger" than the others, and so I put her in charge of medication, and in return I allow her to partake in activities that she enjoys which I don't like so much.


I think in general wth internal conflicts what's needed is communication. It's like with anything really, you all share the body, you may be the domminent one and be in charge, but now and then they all will feel strongly about something and feel maybe almost resentful about being forced to do/not do soething... Often though with communication and comprimise things can be resolved. I try to think of it as a sort of internal family, with disputes and arguments like any family

[Stellata]

Thanks Hazel.

The problem is Katrina. [The problem is always Katrina....]

This is how she sees it all -

Sedated stuff, it shuts me up. I don wanna be shut up.
But you know, how else are we gonna comfort Trini? Who's gonna come and rock her to sleep? Noone. So.
But they got these meds cos they couldn't cope with me. What kind of **** is that? I'm here to look after a little girl, Trini, and make sure she gets looked after proper. I'm also here to be tough n hard n bully people n have control, cos control was took from us and we was humiliated. I won't take that, no way. All power to me!
But then, ya know, if this withdrawal business has to happen, I wanna make it as bad as possible. That'd get us some attention and being looked after, right?

Me, Katie, I'm just anxious about the whole process, at the same time as feeling determined and motivated to do this with the most compassion and awareness that I can. But now I'm scared Katrina is going to take over the whole thing. Sometimes she moves faster than I can 'catch' and avert.

[Rain that's Fallen]

*Sits with you with blankets and hugs.*

I'm sorry I don't have any personal experience, but I wanted to let you know I'm here.

I think this is the first time Katrina has expressed herself on RYL directly, how does it feel at the moment? I think you (Katie) are extremely strong and brave through all this. I know Katrina is really difficult, but at the moment she sounds very scared in a way, very unsure of the unknown. It sounds like you all feel very vulnerable and maybe the meds is part of a safety net? Maybe it will take some time for you all to adjust to the idea of moving forward another step, perhaps things will settle down. You've talked about being able to express yourself through art therapy, does that help Katrina at all? Perhaps you could help each of your laters express themselves in their own ways wthout taking it out on you (Katie).

I believe in you all, and have great faith that you will get through this, as you have come through so much and are amazing.

[Stellata]

Thanks Abigail, your reply means a lot. :)

I managed to get myself back from Katrina's clutches last night. The key to getting myself back is feeling - recognising that she doesn't want me to feel vulnerable/sad/wobbly/sensitive. Which would account very much for the fear of the unknown that you recognised [hadn't seen it that way, and that really helps..]
I keep meaning to do some art, and haven't yet, I'll see if I can get to do some this evening after work.

Thanks again. :)

[risenfromperdition]

thinking of you <3 :)
sorry for the useless reply lol

[Stellata]

Not useless - thanks for caring and replying. :)

To expand on this morning's post, the feeling wobbly and tearful and emotional that Katrina doesn't like.... Katrina is kind of torn between being a complete rebel worthy of an ASBO, and being encased tight in a strait-jacket like daddy threatened to put her in. It's... not pretty at all, her internal landscape. It's formed a result of severe repression and feeling suppression when I was growing up.
[Which I found myself trying to explain in a meeting with my manager - who does the whole welfare as well as professional support thing with me - this morning. I thought she was asking if the rage had always been a problem with me, and she was actually asking if the PMS had always been a problem for me. Ooops! Not that there's such a huge difference..]
So, you take off a layer or two of medication containment, and, well, yeah.

[Kai-tan]

Few of my alters will willingly take medication of any kind. But when we were already on something and had to stop it was a little difficult.
Instead of the gradual process most of us agreed to, Kaida got aggravated and demanded that we just stop. Her excuse was that 'It wasn't good for us in the first place and it made us feel worse and it's useless and it's just bad. So why can't we just stop it now? Now!'
It ended up with her throwing them all out and refusing to start anything else for a great while.
My suggestion is to give Katrina her space and let her voice her opinions as much as needed. From my experience with Kaida (who's often very aggressive and strong-willed) it helped a lot. She's more willing to try things when all of us take time to hear her out as much as necessary for her to feel better about it.
I hope everything goes as well as possible. <3

[Stellata]

Thank you Kai-tan.
Kaida's feelings sound familiar to me, with the whole Katrina package. She seems to be settling now that I'm taking the half dose every day. It is more stable for my body and mind, and I feel comfortable on it.
I'm doing my best to listen to Katrina. That's going steadier now, thank you for the reminder. :) I just wish she wouldn't try and get my attention in the ways that she does.. but I have to remember that she never really learned a healthy way of getting people to listen, because she developed because back then people didn't listen.