So my mum's pretty strict, no boys staying over, and patrick was the one exception because mums convinced he's gay. patricks never been allowed in my bedroom and once when he came in my room to look at my dvds mum came howling up the stairs. (shes not particularly religious but theres still an irish-catholic flame burning there somewhere, clearly)
at christmas i told her about the r*pe but i wasnt sure she believed me, and it turns out she didnt. but about 2 weeks ago she found something id written about it in my coat pocket. she told me she was sorry shed read it etc etc, and she hadnt been nosy because she was borrowing the coat and thought it was a dirty tissue
but she kept looking at me all sadly and i realised that she hadnt thought it was true beforehand.
then yesterday morning patrick came over to stay the night and i was trying to find the blow up mattress and mum came down and said 'he may as well sleep upstairs on your carpet rather than on the wood floor' and i didnt really know what to say and she said 'well its not like i can keep you a virgin til after university any more, is it?' and then she went out.
i was so upset in the end patrick had to go home before it even got dark.
That sounds very hurtful. Maybe she's not taking it seriously as she doesn't know what else to do? Still doesn't give her the right to say such things.
*offers hugs*
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Sometimes, I don't think people understand, that even if they think and feel something and need to share it for their own personal reasons, there's a right time and a wrong time, and there's the right person to share with and the wrong person.
I can't imagine how that would make you feel, I know how it would make *me* feel though and I know if it was my mom I'd have no way to talk to her about it, but if I could bring myself to write it down I might be able to express to her what I felt when she said that, etc. And maybe at least she'd realize that she needs to be a bit more careful around that topic when talking to me.
That is really mean of her to say. *hugs* Since she seemed somewhat upset or udnerstanding earlier maybe explain to her that this really has nothing (or little) to do with being a virgin, but it's got to do with the pain someone caused you. Also, you don't look at this as a "first sexual experience" but as a horrible traumatic event. *hugs* Can you try that?
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
Oh hun *hugs tight* that was so harsh... that would have upset me too, maybe write her a letter telling her how that made you feel? That might be easier than trying to talk to her about it. Take care hun x
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit"
-J.R.R Tolkien
thanks for all your thoughtful replies guys.
i dont think i should talk to her about it because i just dont ever want her to mention it again :( in a way now im angry because i know its not her fault but shes always been so overprotective and yet so many bad things have happened to me.. now im not even worth protecting. and the worst part is
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i wouldnt be a virgin now in any case
i know that isnt something to be ashamed of but when she said that i was, i hate to even think of it now.
i have counselling tomorrow. i may try and talk about it. its so hard though...
The "sacred" thing about virginity is archaic. Virginity of the body isn't as important as purity of the soul. And no matter how many sexual partners you may have had, (consenual or abuse) you can still have a pure soul and be much better than someone who is a "true virgin" *hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
then yesterday morning patrick came over to stay the night and i was trying to find the blow up mattress and mum came down and said 'he may as well sleep upstairs on your carpet rather than on the wood floor' and i didnt really know what to say and she said 'well its not like i can keep you a virgin til after university any more, is it?' and then she went out.
i was so upset in the end patrick had to go home before it even got dark.
thats all.
sorry.
it just really upset me.
maybe she is in denial and not wanting to believe her only daughter ( if you are the only child ) is in alot of pain and has been raped..
and she doesnt know how to react..to the truth of it
thanks
im not her only daughter but i am the youngest so i spose its the same principal. i know shes tactless and a bit thick about important stuff so i usually just dont let it get to me but that really hit a sore spot i guess
thanks
im not her only daughter but i am the youngest so i spose its the same principal. i know shes tactless and a bit thick about important stuff so i usually just dont let it get to me but that really hit a sore spot i guess
its understandable..
maybe you could sit down with your mum and explain to her in a way that wouldnt hurt her , and tell her how it felt when she said that..and maybe ask what she is feeling about her youngest daughter being in alot of pain and having been raped..
some people have such a thing about protecting their children that when they feel they haven't been protected, they feel bad and feel like giving up. what your mom said was wrong, but i think talking to her might help. she may not get it or be in denial like others have said. *HUGS*
