Flashbacks and Falling Apart

[Uglyducklin]

Im so sorry to post again I really dont deserve too Im so FAT.My flashbacks are really bad at the moment.I am having them at uni now I keep elastic bands on my wrists but they dont always help.I cant stand being in my body anymore.Im very suicidal at the minute and all I do is cry when I should be working.I have a very supportive programme leader at uni who I am meeting tomorrow but Im scared I wil fall apart and he is busy and only has 20 minutes and I dont want him to think I am needy.Any ideas on stopping flashbacks?Im sorry I dont know what to do.Please stay safe everyonexx

[NeverBetter]

hugs orry hun dont have much advice at the momment just wanna say i read and i care about you chic and your not fat please tc

[Gamma Zebra]

*hugs* stopping the flashbacks will be hard. is there anything you can do to snap yourself out of it? any way to groud yourself?
and don't apologise for posting, thats what we are here for :) please keep safe hun :) we care for you :)
let us know how it goes tomorrow x

[lifeasasymptom]

meeting with someone who is there to help you and who you have arranged to meet with is not needy, it's smart and positive.

grounding yourself, like gamma zebra said, is something that can help - like focusing entirely on your shoe or something until you can come back into yourself. maybe try googling mindfulness techniques, they might contain some helpful tips about grounding.

good luck
x

[Uglyducklin]

Thankyou so much for your kind words everyone.So low I just wish it was over more than anything.I dont want to be FAT I need anorexia.I CANT stand this anymore.Feel such a FAT dirty C**T said something stupid when I spoke to my programme leader he probably thinks Im really weird.I DONT desrve to breathe had another flashback when he was talking to me managed to control it.I just want anorexia my identity back Im nothing without it.Im sorry to be pathetic.Stay safe everyonexx

[Gamma Zebra]

Your not pathetic Hun. You don't need anorexia to define you.
Keep safe xx

[Pi.R^2]

*hugsss*
Do you want to share what you said to your programme leader? And there's nothing wrong with being weird, believe me!
You do deserve to breathe; you've fought this for so long, you deserve so much more than you are getting right now.
I'm afraid I don't know much about flashbacks, but will PM you about the identity thing :)

[shadow-light]

there is more to you and your identity than an eating disorder, even ifd it doesn;t feel like it right now.


Have you seen the "flashback help" thread on here? There is a link to it in my signature, it's full of tips on how to cope with them.

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks so much shadow light will check it out.Really getting in the way of uni right now.Feel so FAT just want to disappearx

[Uglyducklin]

I just cant take this anymore.I feel so vulnerable and raw.I need to cut the FAT off.I feel dirty and I want to scrub my skin until I feel clean.I saw my gp and she is going to think about medication but Im scared all the anti deppressants I have been on just made me sick!I cant carry on like this IO dont know whhat to do.Im sorry.I HATE being trapped in all the FATxx

[Pi.R^2]

Hmm, I think anti-depressants might help. Which ones have you been on? Maybe a different type will make you feel less sick. I'm on 40mg fluoxetine, and I have no side effects, and it's really helped my mood.
Have you been eating much recently?
You're absolutely not fat, and I know you can't believe it yourself, but just know that what you see, is not what everyone else sees!
*hugs*

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks so much hun.Just so afraid right now.Everything is getting on top of me.OD thoughts are bad.I just need to be thin again.I HATE myself.I feel trapped in this FAT.Im so sorryxx

[Pi.R^2]

It's been said before, but I suspect you are incredibly thin!
Why do you want to OD? Is that related to the weight-issues?
Also, just as an aside- would you say that you have anorexia? Because I'm pretty sure you know that you do, but you should also know that people with anorexia tend not to be fat! Does that argument make any sense to you?

[Uglyducklin]

Im nOT just ended up sobbing and hysterical because Im So FAT I just cant see an end to this.Have od plans.HATE myself I will never be thin everxx

[Uglyducklin]

HATE how FAT I am need to punish myself.Have house to myself.May OD Sunday.Im so FAT and uselessxx

[Uglyducklin]

HATE my FAT disgusting body. I need to lose weight.I just have to starve until there is nothing left.Feel so alone.Have od plans for tomorrow.I know it isnt the answer but I dont know where to turn.Please help.Im sorry Im a FAT waste of spacexx

[Pi.R^2]

*hugs*
I'm really sorry that you feel you need to punish yourself Jess, you don't deserve this?
You are not fat, and I can't say that enough times. Hypothetically even if you were, why would you deserve to be punished? What about other people who are fat, do they deserve to be punished?
*more hugs*

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks so much hun its all going to pieces.I cant stop crying had a row with my mum because I put real sugar in my coffee when I have it black to compromise she now says its too much.The guilt and shame is overwhelming I cant do this anymore.I wont use it again.OD thoughts are overpowering need the house to myself then I can od.Im so sorry to be pathetic.I dont deserve to breathe because I am so FATxx

[Pi.R^2]

*hugs*
I don't quite understand what happened with your mum- she told you off for having sugar?
Try not to OD, I don't think it's what you want in the long run.
You do deserve to breathe, and you are not fat.

[Uglyducklin]

All over the place Cant cope.Just spoke to out of hours they cant help me.HATE myself so FAT and useless.I cant take anymore.Im too scared to go to a and e.Im FAT AND STUPID. I DONT DESRVE TO BREATHE.