Contains sexual abuse - New - don't know if I can take much more..
Gosh I don't know where to start, new to all this. I was abused from age (we think) about two to thirteen by one man, abused from eight to thirteen by another and raped twice age thirteen by a third. I am currently undergoing therapy but really struggling with it. I have tried to take my lifenon two occasions to be found both times. I am now abusing paracetamol to kill myself, not as an overdose but to cause so much damage that I will not recover. The pain is unbearable and for the past three years this has ruled my life. I just don't want to go on, can't be bothered anymore, I live eat and breath the terrible things that happened to me. Please someone tell me how to pull myself together. I took a lot of over the counter drugs over three days last weekend and have taken more each day since, now feeling unwell but will not go to doc or hospital because I want to just go to sleep forever.
Last edited by [Purple_Rain] : 06-12-2010 at 03:31 AM.
Reason: Please don't post amount taken, it is againts the rules.
Cannot go to police, my family don't know and I could not put my elderly mother through it, she would never get over it. I have help and support from crisis team etc but not being honest with them, just so desperate to die, but want to make it look like liver failure rather than suicide.
I can relate greatly... I took small ODs daily for a while along with doing a few other thing in an attempt to commit suicide slowly so that others didn't realise that it was suicide.
You say that you are in therapy, is it helping at all? Does your therapist know about ay of this?
I know how it is for the past to rule every moment of your life, but that not how it will be forever. So far all you have known is pain, and you deserve to know the other side of life, and to know that you need to be alive. Death destroys any chance of an improvement, of a good life, of all those things in the world that so far you have missed out on
My therapist does not know, the crisis team know a little and have asked me to have my bloods done which I have refused. I will continue to do what I am doing. I have no interest in finding out if things will get better coz I can't cope with the pain waiting to find out. X
I think that part of you does want to live. Otherwise why would you have posted? I think part of you wants to fight and carry on, it may only be a small part, but I believe that it exists
A part of me does want o live, of course, but such a small part, my pain is to strong to cope with. If I really wanted to live I would have told someone close to mewhat I am doingbo destroy myself very slowly x
Sweetheart you need to tell someone and talk about the abuse. Do not kill yourself. You say you can't do that because of what it would do to your mother. Well, I imagine she would be even more upset if you killed yourself. *hugs gently* Why not try to tell us a bit more about it and then you can talk to a professional or someone who can do more for you.
Throw all those pills out you have now, stop taking them, please.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
