The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering
C.
Everytime I see you, I laugh. I laugh because your 23, your living at home, your going bald, you have no friends and everybody thinks your a joke.
On the surface- we just had a 6 month relationship, we both cheated on each other alot - then I got the balls to end it with you.
In reality - everytime I have too much to drink, if someone touches me when Im half concious, I start screaming, crying, trying to hit them, and begging them not to rape me. Someone found about my past history because of this. Thanks.
And I think . . . was it really as gentle a rape as I make myself believe? I remember the bruises.
By the way - thanks for the eating disorder. . . =) I suppose its not just you, thats my charming family members who used me for their sick pleasure too. But yeah- thanks - I've lost alot of weight and am set to lose alot more. Best high ever, getting away with it =) Thats the only thing Im grateful for you lot for.
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
If only you'd ever speak to me
the way you once did
look at me the way you once did
pull to me the way you once did
but you don't
you don't feel anymore
you don't care anymore
it's all gone
it's all gone
'For every last bruise you gave me,
For all the times I sat in tears,
For the million ways you hurt me,
I just wanna tell you this,
You broke my world,
Made me strong, thank you,
Messed up my dreams,
Made me strong, thank you'.
Thanks for ripping my heart apart. You destroyed me in every way. I couldn't get away from you. You wouldn't leave me alone. Yes I still love you, but I can't do it. I'm tired of your lies and manipulation. I'm tired of the emotional abuse. The sad thing is, you don't even realize what your doing. Goodbye forever!
im so sorry
i told the police
i told them that you sexually assaulted me and i told them about what you said. i even told them where you live they're gonna look for you! i dont want them to im so scared
im so sorry
i told the police
i told them that you sexually assaulted me and i told them about what you said. i even told them where you live they're gonna look for you! i dont want them to im so scared
hurting someone can't make them good... that's like the men who rape lesbians to "make them straight", it's not a defence. you did the right thing speaking to the police and have no neeed to be sorry
i dont even know your name but you wrecked my life...you got me when i least expected it. You were cruel and heartless and hurt me bad. You did what u did and then left me alone...cold and broken. I hate you but you were too strong :(
For every last bruise you gave me,
For all the times I sat in tears,
For the million ways you hurt me,
I just wanna tell you this,
You broke my world,
Made me strong, thank you,
Messed up my dreams,
Made me strong, thank you'.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering
Dear T,
I could wish death upon you and that still wouldn't be enough for everything that you did. I wake up hysterical from nightmares about everything happening. I remember the bed and the room and me yelling at you No. No means ****ING NO. You controlled me. Made me believe what was happening happened to everyone else. Made me think it was "normal". You made me ruin relationships with my parents, my friends, everyone who came in contact with me. You Forced me to stay in the house and threatened me with things if I didn't do what you said. You made me lie. You made me steal. You made me degrade myself in front of you. I can't even look at myself the same way in the mirror anymore because of you. I have a hard time being able to focus when the thoughts come back to haunt me. All I can see is the replay of everything. I hate you. I really wonder if your mother knows what kind of monster she gave birth to. If your father or brothers knew. What would they say. I could have destroyed you financially. I could have put you away in jail for rape. I could have done so many things but all of them wouldn't be enough. You took my innocence. You broke me. You broke my spirit. I hide behind a mask now because of you. I will NEVER be the same because of what you ****ing did to me. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU.
Jacob,
It's funny, I really don't even remember what it was that kept me with you so long. Now that I'm on the outside, now that I have someone that treats me with respect, someone who appreciates me for who I am . . . now that I am not constantly on edge every single moment of every single day, I cannot for the life of me figure out what it was about you that kept me around. You treated me like ****. What on earth did you get out of that? I mean, yeah, you had me all the time, whenever you wanted me . . . but I was a shell of the person that I was when we first met. That fire that attracted you to me in the first place? You pissed on that pretty quick. It was out by the time we celebrated 6 months. I had almost no fight in me. I was so worried about your emotions all the time that I never even gave any thought to mine. My life revolved around you.
Yeah, I'm angry at you. I'm furious. The hatred I have in my heart burns with the intensity of all the stars in a clear sky . . . times a million. You stole my virginity from me. What were you're words exactly? "**** it, you're getting laid"? True, I was willing to give it to you at the time. I just didn't realize that it was going to be such an emotionless, degrading experience. I just thought that's what it was supposed to be like.
You scared me away from other people. Every boy I've met, the same thoughts have gone through my head. 'Can I really trust this person? Maybe it's better just to keep my distance. I can't be hurt again.' Who gave you the right to take away my faith in people? Who gave you the right to make me feel like the scum of the earth? To drive me away from my friends? To keep me away from my family? Who in the hell gave you the right to take away my freedom, my sanity, my peace of mind?
What you taught me about love is that a girl is meant to give and give and give without complaint - give time, give money, give love, give sexual favors - and without hope for ever having the opportunity to be given something. You taught me that if I just sit back and ignore everything that is dished out, maybe it'll just be minor and I won't wind up in tears later on in the night; but if I fight back, I will lose one way or the other. You taught me to treasure the few bits of affection I felt I would get, and to hold on to the memory of those while you were reminding me of how many *******s I owed you.
Most of all, I'm angry at myself. I am furious at myself. The amount of self-hatred that I feel is unfathomable. I was always a strong person, with an intense self-preservation instinct. I spoke my mind, stood up for what I believed in, and would not tolerate my opinions being shot down. I let you walk all over me. I let you sway my opinions, and kept my mouth shut when you said things that went against my beliefs (which happened all the time with things that I feel very strongly about). I let you seperate me from my family, I let you distance me from my friends, and I let you control me. I let you control me. I even got out twice, and came crawling back. I hate myself for changing the way I did for you. I hope you ****ing burn in hell, you coldhearted bastard. I hope you fall into an early grave and spend eternity paying for what you have done not only to me, but to every single person you've ****ed over. While I will never forgive myself for what I let you do, the loathing I feel for you is a feeling I seriously doubt I will ever have for anyone else.
So there you go. You have a special, fiery place in my heart. A place full of disgust, misery, and hatred. **** you, you slimy piece of ****.
Last edited by harlequinn : 20-12-2009 at 04:04 AM.
You ruined my life 2 months ago. I'm so angry I can't tell you, one day I may be able to write a letter telling you this, but until then I have to put up with seeing you around uni.
I am going to take this to the police, I am going to deal with this
It was your face; your dark and angry face. Your stupid ugly beard and your gay toungue piercing. It was your broad shoulders and charming smile. It was your sweet talk and your painful grip. It was your control and your threats. And now it's your name. It rings in my ears and it flashes before my eyes. I thought I was imagining it, I thought I was taunting myself but then I saw it for real. 'CL is now friends with 'him''. I panic everytime I hear you are friends with any of them. What happens if you do something to them? Or was it just me? Your 'little sister', was I difference cause I was younger and did what I was told? Was it different cause you know I'd never tell? Was it just a phase?
I am sickened by what you did to me and the extent of how it effects me now. I don't want it to be true but it is, you broke me, maybe you made me stronger but you ruined me. You stole my childhood and my trust. You took from me the 2 things any human being deserves to have: safety and control. Safety and control. SAFETY and CONTROL.
I don't care for you. I don't wish that you were dead or that you were hurting because I don't want to put that much energy into you.
You will never understand what you did to me because you don't care and will never change. I wont waste my time explaining that I'm important because if you have a heart, you already know. You did hurt me and I'm going to validate that and work through it with people who are good to me next to me and I wont hurt myself anymore. I'm worth more.
So I wont help you when your alone and I wont feel guilty about it. As soon as she breaks up with you and they move out I don't intend to ever see you again. You are a sick son of a bitch and I can't see any good in you. You're manipulative and abusive. I see you as nothing more than an abuser. I don't know how you can live with yourself. You digust me.
when u came into my life, u took away my life, u took away my soul, my entire existence, because of u ill never be normal. u are everything that is wrong with me, its all because of u. i wish that for just one second u could feel the pain u caused me, because even 1 second is too long
Last edited by Eyes On U : 28-12-2009 at 06:20 AM.
No one can see the pain that we hide, they're happy for us to keep it inside, our fear is our own; they don't want to know. Why should we involve them; why should it show.
l, what do i do now? come on, you set me up to be like this, now you just leave me dangling. you programmed my brain in a certain way, fear and obedience. what would happen if i disobyed you. well, i did. i never came to meet you.
whats ore, i went to the police. and ****, you stopped telling me not to do that ages ago, because you didnt hthink i had it in me
so why havent i heard from you?? i saw you on the street, you grinned. you had me hemmed in a corner and you tried to stick your tongue down my throat. i nearly threw up later, my stomach felt like it was pure acid. i nearly throw up every time i even think about it.
why arent i being punished? what are you waiting for? whats the next step? i wish i could read you. if i could read you, i could be away, the otehr side of the country, anywhere, ****ing anywhere.
they're gonna look for you! i dont want them to im so scared
