I haven't been here for years but I'm getting worse

Lostwoman · 07-01-2016, 11:44 PM

So lately my cutting has become a lot worse. I have a number cuts on my right thigh over the past few weeks and I'm having a hard time stopping. I know I should but I feel like I deserve it. It's the only way to become clear headed and to stop hating myself so much. I know I need help. I do have a counselor but I receive no help at home. I am a 32 year old married woman with 3 kids.

shadow-light · 08-01-2016, 07:13 PM

have you discussed this with your councellor? Do your family (or at least your parner) know about the issue, is so how do they rect to it? Do they support tyou and can you speak to them?

Lostwoman · 08-01-2016, 11:42 PM

I have talked to my counselor knows my husband also knows but only blames himself so I've stopped talking to him about it. I also live with my in laws whom have the stereo typical view on self harm. I feel like I'm absolutely alone

cloudberryfairy · 08-01-2016, 11:56 PM

Know that you aren't alone. I haven't self harmed in over ten years and as of last month the thoughts of doing so consume me. I signed up on this forum today when I wanted so desperately to talk to somebody but realized that the only "friends" I have are the girls at the gas station where I buy my smokes, whose names I can't even remember.
I'm so lonely and feel like a piss poor mom all the time . My husband has no idea because he refuses to see anything beyond his computer games and pornography. It seems like no matter how hard I try to be a better person, wife, and mother the more things get in the way of becoming better.
All I can think about is the peace and calmness that I would get from cutting but don't because the shame and regret that come with it will start the whole cycle again and I don't know what to do. I don't want to stay in this rut but I don't want to keep going only to keep getting pulled back again.

PlayD3ad · 10-01-2016, 05:46 AM

Has your counselor give you any methods that could work for you in the moment you feel you need to cut?

Lostwoman · 10-01-2016, 07:02 AM

Not effectively so far. I have tried many different things. It's been more and more frequently.

Greene0Kelly · 14-01-2016, 03:38 AM

Who do you have to turn to/ to talk to if you feel the urges?

How about your husband? Are you talking about the urges you have?

You are very welcome here. Do not hesitate to ask for help.

MyLastKiss · 14-01-2016, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lostwoman

I have talked to my counselor knows my husband also knows but only blames himself so I've stopped talking to him about it.[...] I feel like I'm absolutely alone

I can relate to this. When started cutting some years ago I after a while came clean with my wife. In the beginning it felt OK, but when I relapsed she freaked out & it all started to be about her feelings, fears and blames - she is the light of my life, was never a reason, cause etc for my SI. So I realized it was better just to keep it hidden from her. Still do five years later.

OmegaWolf86 · 18-01-2016, 01:44 PM

You're not alone. I'm having the same sort of issue and my wife gets upset by my cutting because she blames herself. I'm in the process of getting started with a therapist partially just to have someone to talk to.