eugh, think i've been dissocitated for the last week....have't felt with it at all...keep spacing and i keep having images in my head of me sh-ing... i haven't felt this in a good month- but it seems to be lasting alot longer tha nthe normal day or two. been using that rescue rememdy drops to try and help...
i seem to get palpatations every time i look in the mirror, i just keep thinking "do i really look like that?" and not recognise myself...so yer...
Last edited by DannieGirl : 27-11-2010 at 03:40 PM.
Reason: added to
Kathryn, why would your mom do that? was she signed on as you?
maybe she is just trying to understand you better but i think it would be better if she just asked you.
I am sorta afraid that if she was not signed on as you that maybe I am not very safe here.=/
makes me nervous.
my back has been hurting with all this cold (well cold for us here in the south) so about noon today we took a muscle relaxer and a xanax (xanax only because the muscle relaxers have an anxiety side effect to it that we get that startles us at every little sound we here) soo the fact that both make us really sleepy. we have slept from about noon to now which its 7pm. sadie is not too happy that we wasted a saturday cause it seems the weekends go by fast anyway, but oh well. back still sore but a bit better i think. believe it or not i actually think we still will be able to sleep later tonight too lol
anyhow hope everyone is doing ok oh and It is nice to meet you Daniel.. hope you are feeling better.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
No she didn't sign on as me, she doesn't know my passwords to access any of my stuff, she just knows I come on here.
Hiding, I'm sorry you don't feel safe but you have nothing to worry about, I don't even know why she came on here. I found out she came on here cos she asked me what suicide ideations were and I said, "what made you ask me that?" and then she said that she came on here. But I went through her history and it didn't show that she came onto any of the forums. She tried to enter chat though (obviously she can't cos she's not a member). I deleted everything from her history related to this website, and I'll keep checking her laptop to see what she looks at on here (if she comes on here again).
*waves to Jason* nice to meet you, hope you're okay.
Vaxir, a good point but she could just ask me. Hates to ask though, she used to read my diary, hence why I stopped keeping one. I just want some bloody privacy.
Daniel - Hey, hope you're alright. We've had instances where we've looked at parts of our body and felt like they weren't ours. I remember once I looked in the mirror and saw Ayka. I don't know how I knew it was her, something inside just told me... She's got a slightly different face shape to mine, which is annoying cos it makes her prettier than me :/
kathryn- oh ok so she basically has no idea what she is doing ?lol yeah would be better if she just asked you what she wanted to know instead of snooping.
anyhow i had a very crappy day at work and want to isolate and hide and umm yeah.. why are people so damn mean for no reason? i mean i didnt really do anything wrong to anyone ever.. Sigh =(
I saw my GP today... I haven't been doing well and so I went to see them, but they think that all of my current issues are a "side effect to my meds" I've been on these meds for over a year I know what is and isnt a side effect.
I'm back on benefits too, I was off them for about a month, but now back to not functioning again so working a few hours now and then but nowhere near enough to have a real income. So tmorrow I have to start going to "work related activities groups" :/ tomorrows is on "setting realistic job targets" and the day after is on "writting a CV" :/ there's 2 weeks of these I can write a bloody CV, that's not the problem. It just feels like a huge waste of time, was meant to have one today on "motivation" but I couldn't go in.... there were so many people and I was so scared that I ended up throwing up outside the building and then running home in tears.
Feel like such a failure. I'm sorry that I haven't managed to keep up with this thread recently, haven't really managed to do anything recently
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hiding - yeah my Mum doesn't know what she's doing on here, she knows there will be catastrophic ramifications if she does come on here and comes snooping through the forums and asks me stuff about what I post on here.
Sorry to hear about people being mean, some people really just like to do that but you can't take it to heart if they are mean to everyone, it just means that they have their own deep-rooted insecurities and take it out on other people *offers safe hugs*
Just want to re-iterate: all of you are safe and I'm sorry if any of you feel threatened. I think she just wanted to check out what kind of site I go on.
Hazel - sorry to hear you're struggling. I hate it when professionals think they know everything about everything. Don't be sorry, just as long as you're safe and okay you take the time you need to try and get better. Well done on going to work related activity groups, that's a huge step and you're doing really well (: the last few months have been incredibly hard on you but you are doing really well.
this lady tho ..its like she only really hates us and like..we did nothing to her.. lol well i did tell her daughter off once in FB but like there is no way she could connect me and hiding although she tried.. we just told her we didnt know wtf she was talkin about. anyhow.. it wasnt even THAT mean (what I said) not bad enough for her to hates us and still talk so bad about us months later.. not sure what her deal is.. doesnt matter she is trash.. but i did wanna go hunt her down and slap the hell outta her for that but i didnt ive been good ha! SADIE
I think I may be in trouble... sat here crying and cutting for a few hours and have taken a small OD. I don't know what to do... got no phone right now and the hospital is 3 miles away, I can't afford a taxi anf there are no dirrect buses (just checked online and would apparently take 3 or buses to get there)
if you get a skype account you should be able to call emergency without cost. just go to skype.com. they let me call free to a toll free number so i hope they would let you call to emergency. hope you're ok.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
So I have been dissociated for several months now, still not come out of it. I know I will eventually but it is still rather annoying. I am feeling tired and am afraid of 'turning' into someone else. I don't like losing myself to something I don't know. It's so distressing to lose myself and wake up somewhere without a clue on what's happened. What if I 'turn' fully for a long time and I lose a year or more? I have lost days in the past and this disorder scares me. But I also know someone who thought their rapid mood changes was this disorder and named herself as two different people! I can never speak to her again. Why do they think moods with DID? She said she felt shy and helpless and that meaning she was this girl she had made up years before. Why did she do that? Do people really claim their moods are other people? And why am I like this?
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hope you're okay Hazel *offers safe hugs*
Vaxir, I guess some people do this because they're trying to explain to themselves why they feel like this, and they may feel that their moods are so drastic that they change who they are. I'm sorry I can't answer your last question, I don't know why you are like this ): sorry *offers safe hugs*
went to hospital the other night. Still feeling a bit ill, got an aweful headache and feel a bit sick, but as far as doctors could tell not done any major damage
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hope you're feeling a bit better now *offers hugs* thank God you haven't done any major damage (:
---------
Long story short. I found out my Mum has made an account on here. She has only posted 3 times but not in these forums. She hasn't used it since November and says she has forgotten the password.
So I used this as an opportunity to tell her I was struggling. Three times I said "You know, I have problems with my eating so if you want to talk to me you can" and 3 times she ignored that. So after I had a mini-breakdown on her shoulder, I just bluntly said "I'm struggling". She looked so shocked, which made me realise how much she'd been ignoring it. I told her about everything, how I'm sick and tired of not having normal problems like wondering about whether a boy likes me or not, and having problems like trying to eat properly, trying to resist every urge not to SI and knowing that I'm so screwed I cannot even bring myself to like someone.
She said "do you want to go back to counselling then" but in a tone that made me sense that she really didn't want me to. I told her I really didn't know and that I was scared.
I do feel better for telling her but I've got a feeling that by tomorrow morning or in a couple of days this is all going to be forgotten. Really feel like I've hurt her
shadowlight- glad you went to the hospital and that you are ok now. hope you feel better soon. kit kat- you are very brave for telling her all of that like you did. Hope she doesnt forget and talks to you more about it and ya know..helps you. if she does forget it may be because she cant handle the guilt... i am sure she feels responsible in someway whether she truly is or not. or like Hiding.. she may forget because its just too overwhelming. orperhaps she just doesnt want to deal with it..but hope it isnt the last one and hope she remembers and talks to you about it all more and helps. msg us if you want or need to ok? SADIE
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
She's trying to help me but she says she feels really helpless because she doesn't know what to do. She said that if I was ever getting close to getting intimate with a guy that I should just tell him my worries and stuff and I turned round and said "But it won't ever get that far because I push every boy away that does like me". She was like, I hope that's not the case because I want you to have children and I don't want you to be alone but the fact is I probably will end up alone and I will probably miss out on having kids because of my inability to have a successful relationship.
Thank you (: I'm just feeling incredibly lost and alone at the moment and I just don't know what to do.
This is probably odd comin from me, but hiding always thought she'd grow old alone too after the divorce from the ex, but then she met Mike. So, don't ever give up..Things like relationships usually happen when you dont expect them to. glad she remembered and hopes shell try to help. just tell her the best thing she can do if try to understand you and accept and support you when you need to talk. SADIE
I've been on these meds for over a year I know what is and isnt a side effect. 
I can write a bloody CV, that's not the problem. It just feels like a huge waste of time, was meant to have one today on "motivation" but I couldn't go in.... there were so many people and I was so scared that I ended up throwing up outside the building and then running home in tears. 
