Do I or don't I??

[lozza]

On my birthday I recieved a bday card from my nana and grandpa. It turned my world upside down and triggered me so much... but then it would have either way so it was bound to happen...

Many years ago my grandpa abused me. After it happened I still had to go to see him... until a few yrs ago when my parents found out...

Every year for my bday and xmas i get a card from them... only they have stopped sending us (me and my bro) cards for xmas... so I wasnt sure if I would get anything for my bday...

If I did get a card I would have hated me as all contact has stopped but yet he is still sending me stuff... If I didnt get a card though then I would have felt bad... like I was worthless... stupid... that I screwed up their whole lives and they didnt like me anymore...

They sent me a card... it is in a pink envelope... I think that makes it worse for me...

Tomorrow I am due to go to a friends.. I will be with her for a few days... I told her weeks ago that she had to help me destroy it (I havnt opened it yet) but now I dont know.... he doesnt deserve this does he?? He and my nana both took the time to write and send it to me so shouldnt I at least open it??? But I am scared it will trigger me too much like it did last year on my bday... but then I will feel bad and guilty if I dont open it..

So confused.

Dont know what to do.

Any ideas of whether I should destroy it or not?? Ella is very loud and is wanting me to keep it and read it so that it will push me over the edge and I will finally be dead. Help

[Broken Doll]

hi
i think you should destroy it. don't allow it to hurt you more than it already did.
if you ever need anyone to talk you can come to me.
xxx

[Popple]

Its your decision sweetie but if you think it is going to trigger you then maybe it wouldn't be a good idea. Just because he wrote doesn't mean he doesn't deserve this because what he did was wrong. In my opinion I think you should just destroy it but it is up to you.
*cuddles*
Take care of yourself
x

[shadow-light]

if it's going to trigger you then I think it's best to be safe and not open it... contact with abusers rarely (if ever) goes well...

but as ahs been said, ultimately it's up to you

like said, it's up to you. but i'd destroy it. don't feel guilty. he deserves absolutely no contact with you after something like that. you owe him absolutely nothing. so do what will help you. he shouldn't even be contacting you so don't even put his feelings into consideration. he didn't take your feelings into consideration when he abused you; so you shouldn't worry about him at all. take care.

[lozza]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I am still undecided on what to do but I think I am leaning more towards getting rid of it.... either way I know I cannot come home with it so I will either get rid of it whilst I'm here with my friend... or on the way home when I have my session with my counsellor... not sure yet but am gona discuss it with my friend when she gets back from work...

[Mrs Sam]

why not take it to your councilling session? then you can either open it in a safe environment where you can let your emotions out or you can leave it with her/him to destroy. Either way you will be able to discuss your emotions and feelings without putting yourself in any danger.

xxx

[Popple]

Sam's idea sounds good. It might help to have someone impartial you can talk it through with before you make any decisions and if you decide to open it someone who can help you after.
Good luck whatever you decide sweetie
x

[Ingenue]

I echo sam's suggestion.
Like the others above, i personally wouldn't open it as it would most likely trigger me. However this is your decision, and one only you can make.

Try and stay safe sweetie<3
Good luck.
xxx

[lozza]

Thanks guys.

I am thinking it might be good if I were to take it to my counsellor and decide then... I dont know just scared and which I could just not have this happen and that everything could be alright again

[lozza]

I couldnt do it. I couldnt do it. But then I was in a pretty bad state when I got to my counsellors so that didnt help much... I am planning to do it on Monday when I see her next... or maybe even open it before going in to see her.. (I feel for something I should at least open it... not sure why but I'm thinking that thats why I just cant let it go and get rid of it...) and yeh... at least if I do open it by myself before my apt... at least straight after I will be with my counsellor and if I am triggered in any way or it brings stuff up for me then well we have a whole 2 hrs to work through it!!!

Does this sound like an ok plan? Am I stupid in even thinking about doing this... help. Very confused... sorry for being so bad and not being able to just get the whole thing over and done with

[Popple]

That sounds like a good plan love. As long you have a plan for what to do after just to make sure your safe. You are being very brave x

[lozza]

After my couns apt I'd just be driving home which is 2hrs away so thats the only down fall of the plan and doing this... but I'm thinking a 2hr apt will be enough to calm me down if it does trigger me and that and well my couns will step in if she feels I am unsafe to drive home... so all should be ok... now just have to wait for Monday to happen...