autism spectrum disorder partner

[a_seething_one]

Hi all...

This is my first post in the veterans section. I hope I have the right one, as it's not triggering at all or anything. Anyways, since I'm an "older member," hopefully my post will be welcome.


Anyways, to get to my point.

So, nearly 4 months into my commited relationship, my fiancee's mother finally let us know that he was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder as a young child. Apparently he was never told this, or at least not that he recalls.

I have to say that I was really unprepared for this. I know he was mentally ill, and disabled because of it, as am I. I do have some basic knowledge of Autism type disorders, but haven't done any extensive reading or anything.

However, I will say that after hearing this, it does make sense.

So I guess going forward, does anyone have any advice, tips, suggestions, etc, that might be helpful for us going forward in our relationship. We both really want to make this work. i do love him, and want to be with him, even though he drives me mad at times!!!!!

Thanks in advance! :)

[[Awakening]]

My advice would be to learn about it, see if there are any support groups you could go to, maybe as a couple?

My ex supposedly had Asperger Syndrome (I think he had an attachment disorder as the sypmtoms are very similar, and he was a complete **** but that's beside the point)

There's a few good tips for partners here.. http://www.jkp.com/blog/2012/02/top-...lah-parkinson/

[TheOnlyOne]

I have Nonverbal Learning Disorder. It isn't actual autism, but it's on the spectrum.

People with high functioning forms of Autism or on the mild end of the spectrum can have perfectly normal and healthy relationships, but it's important as the partner to LEARN ABOUT IT, and be patient and understanding.

[a_seething_one]

Thanks both for the replies. :)

[Ardea]

I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and gone to a few group meetings for people with it. Let me start by saying that there is a HUGE range when talking about the autism spectrum (even for high functioning people). Relationships can work (I'm been with my boyfriend for almost two years), but it does take effort on both parts and a lot of understanding. I would recommend your fiancee gets some kind of support and help in understanding what might cause problems in relationships (if he already hasn't), and that you learn as much as possible about his disorder. You can't expect people to be able to change how they view things or react to them - but understanding why they do will help build a bridge where you can meet each other in the middle. When problems come up - it will give you both some comfort to at least understand why you both will react differently. It's never easy - but really, what relationships are? Keep working at it! Best of luck to you both! x

[LizzieRose]

I actually have PDD myself and an almost year long relationship. I suggest being patient with your fiancèe and supporting him if he needs it. That's how me and my boyfriend have been successful though I feel bad about it. xD

[susieannah]

I agree with the others, do a lot of reading!

Another thing is to talk to him. Together, look at things that he will find difficult, things he will expect or need, ways you can help, and ways he can communicate with you when he is experiencing difficulty.

Also, look at you. Let him know about things you struggle with, things you have to do in a certain way, how you will express yourself when you are struggling. Basically, you are learning to speak each other's language. It is something that happens over time in relationships, but with BPD on your side, and a PDD on his, you may need to put a little more focus on learning it.

Patience and communication are going to be key. The fact you both really want to make this work is great, and probably means the biggest barrier is out of the way!

Good luck :)

ETA: Just realised this thread is really old and was necroed, sorry!

[a_seething_one]

Haha, That's okay! Thanks though. We ll have those moments, don't we? :)

[shadow-light]

not sure I can give much advice, but I have aspergers and my partner also has aspergers. I think being open with each other is possibly the most important thing, and being blunt when needed (not in a hurtful way but in a hint and such won't work so you need to be dirrect type way)

[shadow-light]

lol, just noticed that this thead is old... it was at the top and didn't look at the original post date :P

[a_seething_one]

That's ok, thanks for your two cents.

[Tristana]

I am a mom of a child with autism my advice respect each other talk find out about autism and honestly don't make it a focal point In your life adknowlage it's there and adjust and keep going. Also be more understanding some of his Idoyncrocys is the autism showing his face.