My assessment is on Wednesday. I have been waiting for so long that I assumed I'd just never get an assessment and now that it's suddenly arrived I feel overwhelmed.
It's stupid, but the thing I'm most worried about is that they will ask me if I have a "special interest". The answer is yes, but I'm so embarrassed about it that I've never told anybody outside of the internet about it and I'm not sure I will be able to tell the assessor. It's times like this I wish I was interested in dinosaurs or trains or Star Wars or something else that they've heard a dozen times before.
I am paranoid that she will tell her colleagues or secretly laugh about me afterwards. Or bring it up in front of my parents.
I think that you should go for the assessment and be totally honest. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. My assessor asked some embarrassing questions about my childhood to my parents, but tbh the assessors are experienced and won't think anything bad of you.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I am struggling to imagine what I will feel after the assessment. There are two possible outcomes, and both are negative.
a) I do have Asperger's - this would confirm a lot of my negative beliefs that I was never supposed to be born, my mother rejected me because she could tell I was damaged goods, I can never be "cured" and will have to live like this forever etc
b) I don't have Asperger's and am actually just a bad person
The bullying i got ranged from being attacked, to followd home, stuff stolen and thrown around, things thown at me, clothes ripped, hair pulled, ignored, called names the lot :( I find the memories very hard to deal with. I got a job and also experianced bullying there. Im scared of new jobs/education etc becuase most places ive been, i've been bullied.
I've also had meltdowns in public, most of which simply result in people staring at me, or laughing. Not nice.
Stop and search, yes happened to me and East Croyden station. As soon as they put a hand on me, i freaked out, but luckily my friend who was with me told the policelady i was autistic, and she said "i don't care we need to do the search" then this other policelady who heard said to her my son is autistic, and it was handled very well and carefully. They took me into the back of a van so it would be in priavte, and the lady with the autistic son explained to me what they had to do and why before they did it. I still didnt manage well, i was crying alot, but it was just about manageble. She also told me that if i hadn't let them do it, they would have had to of taken me to the police station and do it by force 0_0
Where can i get one of those medic alert necklesses it would come in very useful...
Guineapigged - Autism doesn't mean you are damaged goods. You should see it as a positive opertunity to have some answers.
Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality
The bullying i got ranged from being attacked, to followd home, stuff stolen and thrown around, things thown at me, clothes ripped, hair pulled, ignored, called names the lot :( I find the memories very hard to deal with. I got a job and also experianced bullying there. Im scared of new jobs/education etc becuase most places ive been, i've been bullied.
I've also had meltdowns in public, most of which simply result in people staring at me, or laughing. Not nice.
Stop and search, yes happened to me and East Croyden station. As soon as they put a hand on me, i freaked out, but luckily my friend who was with me told the policelady i was autistic, and she said "i don't care we need to do the search" then this other policelady who heard said to her my son is autistic, and it was handled very well and carefully. They took me into the back of a van so it would be in priavte, and the lady with the autistic son explained to me what they had to do and why before they did it. I still didnt manage well, i was crying alot, but it was just about manageble. She also told me that if i hadn't let them do it, they would have had to of taken me to the police station and do it by force 0_0
Where can i get one of those medic alert necklesses it would come in very useful...
Guineapigged - Autism doesn't mean you are damaged goods. You should see it as a positive opertunity to have some answers.
That is really awful, the bullying. I find it frustrating how if strangers attack people on the street, the stranger gets arrested, but if bullying happens at school/work, nobody does anything about it. I was lucky as my bullying wasn't severe and not physical (it was all psychological and verbal). Tbh I'm scared of going into a job sometimes too, because my friend C, who also has Asperger's, gets bullied a lot at work. What sort of bullying did you get at work?
Public meltdowns are scary, and I wish that the public wouldn't be so judgmental.
When I've had meltdowns on the ward completely unrelated to psychosis, but related to patients intimidating me/being very noisy/touching me, the nurses have said unhelpful things like "if you behave like that, your leave is going to be taken away" and one nurse even had the stupidity to grab me, which nearly made me slap her (I have a reflex to lash out if someone touches me, but thankfully I managed to stop myself). But there were two nice nurses who were sometimes on shift that had knowledge of autism, and when they were there when I was having meltdowns, they would talk to me calmly at a distance and encourage me to go to a quieter place, as well as commanding the other patients to leave me alone.
Stop and search sounds really cruel. Well done for managing, but I'm sorry to hear it made you cry; I would have been crying or shaking too.
When I went into St Helier A&E last time for a mental health crisis, the triage woman got me to sit in a cubicle, but then the police came in two minutes later! They started searching me and that's when I tried to run off, and then when they ended up pinning me down to the ground, I started screaming and trying to escape. I am beginning to wonder that if the police hadn't been called, or at least hadn't touched me, I wouldn't have been taken under 136.....
I will ask my friend C where we got the medical alert necklace, and I'll send you over a link.
Guineapigged - I agree with Ella, Asperger's Syndrome doesn't mean you're bad in any way, in fact there are good points to it too, like thinking in a unique way and having a passionate interest for a topic.
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I am not sure why every night I keep waking up at 4-5am feeling wide and not being able to sleep...I am on the highest dose of olanzapine!
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
i have aspergers only diagnosed about a year ago and reading over your stories makes me think about when i was young and at school and had melt downs and no one understood why i used to cry alot (and still do) i used to run and hide.
food and clothing have always been an issue, taste texture, smells.
i find that people react with the assumption that because i know to look u in the eye and can hold a convocation that my aspergers is "not that bad".
i'm nearly 23, i'm not 2 or 3 i've learnt what about some social stuff.
i have more to say but i cant make it into a sentence
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í
hi julie 'm 26 i love hugs i have people in my head and they will talk to u. they will behave and they wont hurt u they are...
owen nearly 10 and doesnt like being touched
amy 11 quiet and shy
kate 15 has lotsa anger but is nice
so basically i'm that weirdo who talks to herself...hi...
I was diagnosed with low functioning autism when I was three or four. Someone taught me how to speak, read and write. He also gave me food when I wasn't being fed at home, but more importantly he gave me love. That was between the ages ten and thirteen. Diagnosis was changed to high functioning autism/aspergers syndrome just before my fourteenth birthday.
That person saved me...
Meltdowns are a major issue for me and I have to wear tinted glasses and a hat just to go into a shop. I hate the meltdowns
Last edited by Squid : 10-02-2013 at 04:53 PM.
Reason: Added info
Hi Squid. I get meltdowns and I have to wear tinted glasses and earplugs when I go out too. It's unpleasant having that. What are your meltdowns like? I tend to scream / punch walls / hit people / act uncontrollably.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Hi Julie. School can be very hard for those on the spectrum. I got expelled twice and suspended twice for things I did during meltdowns. How are you with your meltdowns now?
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I am officially diagnosed now (was assessed not long after my last post here), and have discovered that "suspected aspergers" has apparently been on my medical notes since I was 14 and seemingly my old school and uni both had me down as actually having it as apparently I saw an educational psychologist when I was little who wrote it in their report - I don't remember this... I knew I had an assessment for dysprexia at primary school but that's all, not gotten up the courage to grill my parents about it yet.
I am also now dating someone with aspergers... so I am sure you can all work out that there are many difficulties there esspecially as we both seem to be effected slightly differently by it
but ye, anyway, that's my little update :P now I will read through and see if have anything to add to with others have said
Ooo eye contact question! I have lost my job so I am going to have to start doing the whole interview rubbish again, where eye contact is important... now I can do eye contact in short bursts, or I will look at someones mouth or nose and hope they think it's their eyes, but according to the job centre this is "not good enough" so, erm, anyone know any ways to make eye contact easier and less uncomfortable?
I'm glad you've got understanding now re diagnosis.
Re eye contact - I find looking at the person's chin or hair helps me, and observing objects around their head.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Hi Squid. I get meltdowns and I have to wear tinted glasses and earplugs when I go out too. It's unpleasant having that. What are your meltdowns like? I tend to scream / punch walls / hit people / act uncontrollably.
Hi,
My meltdowns are self destructive, I punch things smash glasses or items, punch myself, can't be reasoned with and if anyone touches me God help them (I have broken someones noses for that=s). I also get alot of anxiety while I'm in a meltdown and I can loose the ability to speak for up to a week if its been a real bad one.
I think, the majority of people on the spectrum, have been bullied at some point. As if we didn't already have enough problems as it is.
I hear looking at their nose works (possibly less noticeably not eye contact). I wonder why it is so many autistic people have trouble with that. Is it the increased pressure from it? I'm not autistic personally, but have always had problems with eye contact, so was curious as to what others thought about it.
personally I just find it uncomfortable... like I can feel the persons gaze and by catching it with my eyes they can see within me or know more than I say or something... it's just uncomfortable really
Meltdowns are horrendous and I can go non-verbal if I have a bad one.
My sensory overload is bad these days.
Does anyone else find that conversation confuses them? When I see other people talk, I get perplexed by their body language / tone of voice / phrases / social protocols, and it overwhelms me. My friend told me that I make loads of "social mistakes" when I socialise. I find social interaction very challenging.
I don't understand how people work at all.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Hi Julie. School can be very hard for those on the spectrum. I got expelled twice and suspended twice for things I did during meltdowns. How are you with your meltdowns now?
i dont have them to bad now, i just cry when ever i get in trouble and one of my supervisors at work was like "don't cry", those to words make me angry like they think i'm doing to purposely.
the biggest two i have had recently was when my grandma had a stroke and was taken to hospital and we had to wait in the emergence room that wasn't fun luckily there wasn't to many to many people to see me.
and i recently moved countries alone and had to fly alone and go from one plane to the next and not get lost that was interesting
For the eye contact thing i find i can look at people that i'm comfortable with for a short time.
yeah sometimes looking just above their head is good.
i used to stare sometimes as a kid because i knew i was meant to look at people.
i'm terrible socially i had one good friend as a kid and then when we went to different schools it was really hard, and i was so gullible i believed everything people told me and i mean everything.
i dont like big social groups because i make a fool of myself all the time. i cant tell if people actually like me or are just putting up with me.
does any one find phone calls hard?
Last edited by xxjuliexx : 13-02-2013 at 07:40 AM.
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í
hi julie 'm 26 i love hugs i have people in my head and they will talk to u. they will behave and they wont hurt u they are...
owen nearly 10 and doesnt like being touched
amy 11 quiet and shy
kate 15 has lotsa anger but is nice
so basically i'm that weirdo who talks to herself...hi...
I hear looking at their nose works (possibly less noticeably not eye contact). I wonder why it is so many autistic people have trouble with that. Is it the increased pressure from it? I'm not autistic personally, but have always had problems with eye contact, so was curious as to what others thought about it.
Eye contact to me feels the same as if somebody wanted to touch me or stand too close when I was talking. Most people would probably be uncomfortable if a stranger reached out and held their hand during a conversation, and that's what eye contact feels like to me. It's too intimate.
There's also the fact that there's different kinds of eye contact and you can completely change the meaning of what you're saying by giving off the wrong body language with your eyes. Like if they were moving around a lot or too wide or narrow. I would be worried about accidentally interpreting somebody's eye contact incorrectly and responding inappropriately, or giving off the wrong impression myself.
Eye contact to me feels the same as if somebody wanted to touch me or stand too close when I was talking. Most people would probably be uncomfortable if a stranger reached out and held their hand during a conversation, and that's what eye contact feels like to me. It's too intimate
- She can't read black text on white paper (well, she could. Until somebody mentioned that there's a disorder where you can't, so can have things printed on coloured paper.)
Anna has completely spoiled Asperger syndrome for me. She's trivialised it, and now everybody will think that everybody with AS is like her. I'm not a doctor; I don't know if she has AS or not. But I hate the way she's added it to her growing list of ailments and feel like she's snatched it away from me. She never showed any autistic traits before (and still doesn't), and it's hardly coincidence that she's suddenly developed ASD after hearing about me having it.
I know it's petty but I'm still in a bit of a huff about it. It's like if you had a really great idea for an art project, and told your friend, then she stole the idea and got the credit. Does that make any sense?
the reading thing in called Irlen syndrome my mum thought i had it. i don't think i do i just liked wearing my pink sun glasses when i was reading
and i would feel frustrated to if someone was trivializing a diagnosis i had been waiting so long to find.
because to me it seems like for you it has been a long time coming.
i hope i didnt just sound rude.... 'm sorry if i did
Last edited by xxjuliexx : 17-02-2013 at 08:21 AM.
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í
hi julie 'm 26 i love hugs i have people in my head and they will talk to u. they will behave and they wont hurt u they are...
owen nearly 10 and doesnt like being touched
amy 11 quiet and shy
kate 15 has lotsa anger but is nice
so basically i'm that weirdo who talks to herself...hi...
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í 
and seemingly my old school and uni both had me down as actually having it as apparently I saw an educational psychologist when I was little who wrote it in their report - I don't remember this... I knew I had an assessment for dysprexia at primary school but that's all, not gotten up the courage to grill my parents about it yet.