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Old 15-04-2009, 12:23 AM   #1
TheArtOfEscape
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Triggering (SI/Suicide) - End.

I thought I could beat this. I was wrong
A brilliant job with the kind of prospects most people could only dream of? Forget it, I'm not good enough to make it any further
Friends None
A job I'd love? Forget it, I've got a history of mental health problems, entry barred.
Anti-Depressants? OD'd
Tranquilizers? OD'd
Anti-Psychotics? OD'd
Clear, unscarred skin? Burnt
I've stopped my pills And the withdrawal symptoms are killing me
I want to do this, get better and beat this. But I'm not strong enough
Suicide? I'm too much of a coward
Everything that's gone wrong Just gets worse

I don't know how to say this, it might seem a bit gobbledeegook..

I have the opportunity to eventually become the owner of a very successful company (my dads).. But I know I'm just not good enough to do something like that, and I don't even think I want it.
In my heart I'd love to be a police officer.. But my mental health history means thats barred to me..
I don't know what else I could do. There's nothing else.
I used to have friends. But being ill has pushed them all away, and now i have none.
I want to get better, but the panic attacks are worse than ever, the anxiety has already destroyed my social life, and my depression is ruining my work life.

Not just that, EVERYTHING has gone wrong, and I can't get better, I can't make it right, I'm not strong enough and I'm not worth it.

I took *** pills at the weekend, and here I am. It didn't work. I failed even at that, and I have no more pills left.

I'm getting to the end of what I can take, it's eating me up inside and I think the end is getting close.

I don't know what I'm asking for, and I'm sorry this is so long.

I just can't cope anymore, I'm slipping further and further down, and there's only one way out.

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Old 15-04-2009, 12:27 AM   #2
shadow-light
He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon
 
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: York
I am currently:

do you have any professional support at all? if not it really sounds to me like it could benefit you...

why do you think you would be unable to take on your dads company? have you told him this? maybe he could sort of teach you, and build up your confidence...

sorry about the police thing... not sure that there is anyway around that to be honest... but someone else would probably know more than me on that topic...

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Old 15-04-2009, 12:37 AM   #3
TheArtOfEscape
 
Join Date: Jan 2008

Yeah I have a psych, a therapist, a crisis team, I've been in hospital, I'm on a few different drugs.. None of them seem to be able to help..

I'm just completely different to him.. I can't even cope with a day at work, how am I supposed to be able to run an entire company? I can't talk to people, I can't make friends, how am I supposed to be able to sell? I'm not going to get better, and I can't do it like this. I'm not good enough, I'm not worth his effort trying.

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Old 15-04-2009, 06:40 AM   #4
TheArtOfEscape
 
Join Date: Jan 2008

hurtsttoomuchcantdothiscantdothiscantdothis

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Old 15-04-2009, 06:36 PM   #5
TheArtOfEscape
 
Join Date: Jan 2008

Everything that's gone wrong Just gets worse.

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Old 15-04-2009, 06:42 PM   #6
SweetLemonSour
 

I dont know what to say to help really, but you do have friends, me! and lots and lots of people on here care about you, i promise
love you, you smelly northerner
xxxx

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