Triggering (Abuse) - Confused

Bunnie · 08-10-2008, 03:22 PM

I feel so confused and upset at the moment, wondering why people who I thought were friends are making me feel like all of this is my fault, I didn't ask for it.

In the past I was in a very abusive relationship with a guy who took it upon himself to physically and mentally abuse me at every opportunity, this has really affected me and I have trust issues around men, however my husband is very calm and doesn't have much of a temper.

Roll on to the present where I was out on a group get together for my hobby at the weekend, one of the guys there manages to cause a scene at every trip but this time he went far to far by threatening to beat me up for no reason, I hadn't even seen or spoke to him for most of the weekend. A lot of my so called friends were around at the time but no one supported me, and now they are acting like its no big deal.

Is it really right for a guy to threaten a girl? How can they stand there and just allow it to happen?

I feel so alone and isolated at the moment

Amaryllis · 08-10-2008, 04:45 PM

It's not a good thing for a anyone to threaten anyone else. That's just plain not cool. It's not good, it's not right, and it's definately not normal in that case.

Your friends probably just aren't understanding why this is such a big deal for you. You said that he throws a huge scene or a fit every weekend, they're probably just thinking this is an extension or whatever. It doesn't bother them because they've never really been threatened, they've never had someone follow through on their threats.

You need to talk to them. Sometimes people can know something but they won't extrapolate other things from that.

I'm sorry that your friends haven't supported you about being threatened by this man, but could you talk to them and get one of them to talk to this man? The way you describe his behavior makes him sound very unreasonable and childish. Normal adults do not throw fits or threaten people. He needs someone to have a little chat with him to tell him that, or to remind him.

You're not alone here though. I get scared sometimes too.

shadow-light · 10-10-2008, 05:05 PM

no one deserves that and you did not deserve it.

however, as you say that this guy causes a scene every weekend your friends have probably just started to ignore him/expect it... they probably didn't realise how much it was effecting you.
I think you should talk to your friends... perhaps you could all speak to this guy and explain to him that he keeps causing issues? there may be a reason for it, or he may generally not realise...