A little bit of background is Im due (fingers crossed, my MH is somewhat shaky) to start back at uni on the 28th of this month. And I currently work 30 hours a week at a fast food restaurant (Im on sick leave right now though). I tentatively raised the idea of quitting my job with my dad this evening. And yeah well lets just say Im going to have to lie to him if I do quit.
But my degree is more important than a minimum wage job. Ive, literally, been trying for years to get this degree and well I need time to focus on it. I want to be able to pour all my energy into studying and get excited about learning again. I want to be able to go to every single lecture and not be like **** 9am lecture, work 11-7 then study. I want to go to that lecture then to the library and just READ and make my notes into proper notes. And fully give everything to uni like I havent before. Plus my uni is going into semester style teaching this year so theres likely to be greater lecture intensity right?
And besides work stresses me out. I know that sounds lazy but it does. It consumes all my mental energy. Yeah I know it shouldn’t but it does. Its not unknown for me to vomit before leaving for work, cry on the bus, purge at break time and then cry on the bus on the way home. And Im not lazy. I am good at my job. I regularly work 9hour plus shifts. I get praise and I go above and beyond and I work on my days off and I do overtime. And most importantly customers like me. Managers like me. Colleagues like me. But work has a massive affect on my mental health.
And its just so hard because my family just measure me up to my brother who is mentally healthy. Who had a managerial job and got a 2:1 in the right allotted amount of time. And Im not as good as that. I will be lucky to get a 2:2 and its taken me YEARS. I don’t want to be a failure. Both in my parents eyes and in my own. But the two mean different things.
I dont know what to do. Im scared of being a failure and letting people down. I just want to be good enough for once. My extended family look down on me anyway for just being at a fast food company and my close family are like why arent you at work? are you back at work yet? why arent you doing more hours? what you only do 30 a week? but works so good for you stop being lazy. how are you going to live? etc etc etc
I could probably afford to live without going into debt for the academic year, so until next june, july off my loan alone. I also have savings and worst case scenario an enormous overdraft. I could look at the numbers but not right now (putting socks on makes me cry rn tbh).
I can kind of relate to how you feel and I know how hard it can be to juggle work and studying. At the end of the day, your health comes first. It sounds like you can afford not to work and to focus on your studies and, in fact, that is what you want to do. Many people don't understand and it's easy for them to have opinions but you know yourself best. It doesn't come across that you're being lazy. It sounds like you're being sensible and want to commit to your studies. That's something to be admired. Maybe you can put it to your family that way? They can hardly criticise you for wanting to work hard at Uni!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
would it be possible to go to working just weekends during term time and then work more during holidfays? That way the job is still there, but you still have more time to focus on uni work.
Or, would it be possible to find a less stressful lower hour job for while you are at uni?
I worked for most of my time at uni, but because I had to to afford to live. If I'd had the choice to be honest I think I'd have worked less and focused on uni more... But on the other hand it's nice to have the job there as a fall back sort of thing.
In my mind if you can afford to go without working, and if not working will help you to acheive at uni then it's resonable for you not to work.
I know you say you can't think about it right now, but you really do need to think of the finances before quitting your job. There is always the chance of that unexpected payment that's needed (boilers, washing machines, a new window, a flatmate moves out and you need to cover their share of the bills, etc) and you don't need the added stress of that. Also, living in an overdraft isn't a good idea; the bank can ask for that back at any time, and even if they don't you've always got that added burden of having to pay it back.
It's not necessarily an all-or-nothing thing, you could consider reducing your hours to weekend working, or one evening a week, if your employer will allow that. But that choice will need to be made by you and with your own financial circumstances in mind.
As to the family aspect, don't do something because you think it will make them happy, because ultimately their happiness isn't really anything to do with your own. Do what you need to do and don't let their opinion sway you.
Thanks mikey, my family are ridiculously complicated though I could try to phrase it like that.
Hazel I am trying to find other work but its not proving fruitful, my current employer are unapproachable and my store manager has refused similar requests to reduce hours for other employees recently.
Claire my only three out goings are rent, food and phone bill if I pare it right back. All my bills are included in my rent and my contract is for one room only so housemates etc are none of my business.
With my family its hard. I can not be a further disappointment to them.
thinking about it I do actually recall you saying about your employers been a bit "funny" with stuff before... what's your notice period at work? (i.e. how long do you have to decide?)
Claire my only three out goings are rent, food and phone bill if I pare it right back. All my bills are included in my rent and my contract is for one room only so housemates etc are none of my business.
With my family its hard. I can not be a further disappointment to them.
What are your contracted hours? Is it the 30 and then you go over and above that? Because if it's the 30, then I would agree that you'd need to reduce that for your studies.
Cutting back to basics can be a meagre existence, and can end up making health (physically and mentally) worse because of it. So that is why I think you really need to look at the finances of this. Taking an hour to properly consider it, could possibly save a year of scrimping and saving and worry over it.
Family is hard, tell me about it! However, they aren't the ones living your life. And if they are going to be disappointed, then they may be the type of person who won't be happy either way and will find something to grumble about no matter what. If you are taking control of your own life and trying to do something for yourself, that is what matters, and if they don't like it or accept it, then, well, **** them.
Zero hours could, potentially, work in your favour, but it would depend on the terms and conditions. They are all different, and some are actually pretty good. From what you're saying, your's probably isn't going to be one of the better ones.
That said, I would still seriously consider the financial implications of leaving employment. Continue to look for another job, but it is true what they say about it being easier to get a job when you already have a job.
Right. I can financially afford to live comfortably off my loan alone at the same standard of living (probs not the holiday :P) that Im at now. And I have another 5 and a half months rent in the bank in actual money that I could use to live on (not counting any of the loan I dont use) after the academic year ends in june/july. So say thats 3 months rent and living costs whilst I find a job.
I think I will talk it over with new cpn-ish woman on monday. I just want to quit now but Im not sure how much of that is extreme anxiousness over returning to work in a week. And I should wait until I'm fully enrolled, having technical issues which faculty are sorting, and my loans been paid and stuff. But then Id miss the first few weeks of uni working out my sodding notice. Im also not sure what my timetable will look like till im enrolled anyway so maybe itll be perfectly feasible to work 30 hours and attend uni.
Im so ridiculously stressed over this. Its stupid.
I can't help with the finance side of that because I know nothing about stuff like that.
But re: uni, it sounds like you really want this degree and that you've faced a lot of challenges with your mental health to get where you are now. I just think that if you can work it so that you don't have to work while you're at uni (or far fewer hours at least) you'd be giving yourself a better chance of achieving what you want to achieve, bearing in mind the long term health issues. I think we often underestimate for ourselves the effect these have. Of course, financial stress will also have a huge effect so make sure you do all the planning and see how feasible it is.
I know this is easier said than done, but this is your life and it's not for your family to think they really understand what's going on for you and how hard you have to work with your health issues on top. You know yourself best and what does/doesn't work for you.
I would strongly urge you to quit your job if you can afford it.
Don't keep working because your family thinks you should.
The emotional and physical effort you would have to put into it would probably not pay off.
I personally average roughly 20 hrs of work each week and have had three seminars a week last semester (one seminar being 90 minutes long). It was super doable when I was stable and unbearable when I wasn't. Most people I know would struggle with 30 hrs of work whilst being at uni, including those who don't struggle with mental illness. I know people who can pull it off, but they are a minority and often sacrifice sleep and personal life to manage things.
Technically being on a zero hours contract couldn't you just keep turning down work? That's obviously not the ideal situation at all of course and I'm not sure it's advisable.
I concur with the general consensus of this thread, if you can afford to do so, then quitting your job would seem to be the best course of action.
Putting all your energy and focus into uni - what year will this be, second or third? - is going to take a lot of strength and having to worry about work and all the things that come with that is likely to make it far more difficult for you and potentially make your mental health worse.
If you have the time to put everything into Uni then you'll have some time to take a break as and when you need as well, whereas if you're having a bad day and then have to go to work, it's going to be harder to catch up/cope and you risk increasing any anxiety you may already have.
Ultimately you're not going to be in lectures/seminars all the time so you'll have time to relax a bit and also study hard in the library when not in lectures, but I think having that control over what you do with your time will be beneficial.
When I was at uni there was a "jobshop" where they listed loads of jobs suited to people at uni, does your uni have anything like that? You could, if finances got desperate, take up a job at the uni maybe even if that's possible? Like my uni had library assistants or something.
I also agree with the One Who regarding family, but would they rather you got the degree sooner and did better or carried on working and didn't do as well? But like The One Who said, it's your life at the end of the day.
To me it's clear you're desperate to do this degree and finish it. And you'll definitely feel proud of yourself when you do, so IMHO your energy is best served being directed towards that first and foremost, to do that to the best of your ability.
I hope some of that makes some sense!
Also, the more time you spend at uni, the more people you'll become acquainted with, and you're a likeable person from the times I've spoken with you. There's the possibility that will also help you, you might be able to study in a group etc.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
It sounds like quitting would be beneficial to your studies and to your mental health, so I think that is the best option. Your family do not understand your situation or your MH problems so whilst I know this is much easier said than done, I don't think their opinions should factor into your decision.
