Hey Kate.
I've got schizoaffective disorder, but the type with depression. I'm also on 15g of olanzapine, as well as Depakote (1000mg) and venlafaxine (225mg).
I get side effects such as sedation and in increased appetite and weight gain, but for me, they're worth it. I haven't been in hospital for almost two years, whereas before I was in and out of acute wards and secure units.
I tried coming off my medication earlier this year and it wasn't a positive experience. I became really quite unwell, lost my job, self harmed badly enough to need surgery and it was all just a bit of a mess. No medication = a huge pickle.
With medication, I work (now I have a new job), socialise, see family and am very independent. The fact I have to have side effects sucks, and I would prefer to go med free, but for the moment it's just not possible.
Please do discuss this with your MH team. I know if I didn't take my meds, the situation would deteriorate and I would end up having no choice in the matter (MHA etc).
I can really understand you not wanting to take them, but perhaps stability is worth the ill effects.
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