I was just wondering how you speak to your parents, either if you don't live at home or when you are away?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Mini rant about why I'm asking the question :)
I'm mainly asking because my boyfriend is 25 and still lives at home. If he comes to stay at my flat for the weekend, his mum texts him to find out of he got there ok (fair enough), then again in the morning to ask what our plans are, then later to ask if we had a nice day, then the next day to find out what time his train is due (she knows, it's the same every week). She spent all last weekend (our anniversary, we were on holiday) asking him what we were up to, she text us every day when we were away in Barcelona and Dublin earlier in the year. We can't be away from his house for more than a few hours it seems without her texting. She doesn't work (his dad runs a business) and he's an only child, so I can understand that she is probably bored, and also still quite attached to her son. However, it is driving me INSANE that I can't have him to myself for 2 whole f-ing days on our anniversary without her just having to butt in, but obviously it is not my place at all to speak to her about this. My boyfriend gets annoyed but he doesn't really know how to tell her. I'm just wondering if he is in fact normal, or if I don't speak to my mum enough!
Last edited by You! Me! Dancing! : 15-12-2011 at 10:35 PM.
Wow, that sounds quite possessive.
I'm pretty good now about speaking once a week but it's always me that calls them. And a few months ago when I wasn't doing so well, I barely called at all. If I don't make contact for about ten days, my Mum'll usually email me but that's it.
Каждому, каждому в лучшее верится,
Катится, катится голубой вагон!
I'd say that was a bit much. A reasonable example would be a text to check he got there ok, a reply saying ok glad you got there have a nice time, then a text when he's coming home to check he actually got on the plane/train etc.
I think you need to talk about it with him and think of a nice way he can ask his mum to lay off a bit. She's just being nice and caring so you don't want to hurt her feelings but it would annoy me too.
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that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
I put once a week, but that is usually my texting and Mum leaving a voicemail back [my parents haven't mastered the art of texting]. Sounds odd maybe but I had to do a lot of work on boundaries to stop them, especially Dad, calling me all the time for completely random things. He was lonely, I see now.
Anyway, it is actually speaking on the phone once or twice a week at the moment, because Dad's not well, and I've had a lot of work joys to impart. And I feel more secure in my sense of self, and can set boundaries/feel less engulfed by them.
I too am an only child, and my parents and I all have attachment issues of one kind or another due to childhood emotional trauma.
I still have contact with my parents quite often, but it's slowly reducing as I build other people into my life. I usually phone my parents a couple of times a week, plus see them on a Sunday. Sometimes it's a bit more often than that, though. I have a pretty good relationship with them.
Still live with my parents, so grunt at them on a morning and maybe a few words on a night is pretty much normal
If I'm away a single text to say I'm there, then one on the way back to say when I'll need picking up, same when they're away except there's usually an extra text making sure I've not forgot to water the garden etc
Friend I'm going on holiday with next, She tends to call home every 2-3 days, think its more for the football scores than anything else though, never more than once a day though
It is getting quite excessive now to be honest, he got her down to one text a day, which she doesn't think is enough. I think by not working, her world has become very small. She goes to the supermarket every day to get tea for that night, rings them at work about 3 times to find out how it's going, or say if he has tickets that have arrived in the post, she rings to say they have arrived - like he couldn't just find out when he got home like a normal person? She has her routine and is very put out if it is changed, he nearly missed a train to see me once because his dad was late back and she couldn't possibly drive him to the station because she had to get dinner started so it was ready at the right time! She also rings her own mum several times a day, which will make it even harder to get through to her.
This is an actual quote from last week 'I have a really busy week next week, I'm getting my hair done on Monday, feet done on Weds and my nails on Thurs.. I might cancel my feet because I won't have time to get the shopping in for tea otherwise!' I just said to her )(as politely as I could) 'you could get it when you go shopping on Wednesday' to which she replied 'no I have to go every day, we can't fit it all in the fridge and it might go off'! I don't think she realises that most people who work full time have to go shopping once a week and decide beforehand what they need, and it all magically fits in the double-doored american fridge they have!
I've told him, if we get married and she texts us when we're on our honeymoon, I will throw his phone in the sea!
Thanks for your replies so far :)
Last edited by You! Me! Dancing! : 15-12-2011 at 10:43 PM.
basically we talk when there's been a disaster, bithdays, and at christmas as I go to visit at christmas... we spoke last week as my step-dad had an accident at work, and we spoke today as I am going to visit next week and they wanted to know the date. But before that we hadn't spoken since october when it was my half-brothers birthday
but we are not a normal family lol
my partner calls his mum every sunday and gets texts off her whenever he has an exam or other such things. And he calls his dad about once a fortnight. A few years ago though it was basically dayly, and despite us living in aberdeen and his mum living in hartlepool she'd come up once a fortnight to essentially spy on us (ok maybe not spy on us but that's how it seemed to me)
That is a bit excessive. I can understand you being fed up. I would not be happy either. I don't know what to suggest, but I think your boyfriend needs to deal with it but I don't know how. How does it not drive him crazy? It's nice that they are a close loving family, but we all need space. It sounds a bit like she is affraid of him growing up and eventually leaving the family nest, so it really has to be sorted, for her sake, before he eventually moves out.
I put done other because I see my family sometimes once a week and I speak to them on the phone and text them more than once a week. Everyday would be too much. Umpteen times a day is way too much and I'm glad my parents don't do that.
I live at home and speak to my family every day but when I lived away for 6 months I used to ring home pretty much every day and then if I missed a day I'd get a text asking if I was ok..I just explained to mum that I had a life and was busy which is why I couldn't phone everyday and she seemed happy with that. I also found speaking every day made me more homesick.
But yeah, I do find that a little excessive. If I'm away, they usually get a text to say "got here ok" and then one when i'm on my way back.
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my dad will call when he feels like it could be months apart.
my mum will call if she has something to say, i only call her when i have something to talk about, otherwise she gets annoyed.
i havnt spoken to my step-dad in a very long time. he doesnt like me much.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I don't speak to my mum at all cos we had a massive falling out.
I usually speak to my dad when I feel like it. Which is every couple of months or so just to see how him and his family are. I'd find it awkward speaking to him more often because he wasn't a part of my life til about 4 years ago and we just both have our own lives, I don't like to feel like I'm intruding
I talk to my mum everyday. I like it that way. Though sometimes we only talk for a few minutes. She comes to visit me every sunday too.
My dad lives on the other side of the world so we email about once a month. He comes here once a year and then i see him in person. WE never talk on the phone though.
i speak/see or text my mum pretty much every day but not excessively, she lives round the corner so i see her alot but if i was going away with my other half i would probably send the odd text to say we got there etc. i know i speak to my mum a lot but if either of us are out/busy/away its different.
I usually try and text my Dad once every couple of weeks or so. Otherwise he only texts/rings me when he wants something. So to be honest keeping in contact semi-regularly is more for my benefit than his. On occasion I haven't text him for a while and it can be months before we speak, although usually I see him in person around once every two months or so. And text at least once a month/every two weeks.
My Nan texts me usually at least once a week, or if she wants an answer from me she'll text daily until I reply! And I see her every couple of weeks or at least once a month.
I put once a week.
During my stay at hospital I was talking with my mom more than once a week, simply, because she visited me most of the time twice and I went home for the weekend. But when I'm on vacation/visiting friends etc. I don't even talk with her every week. Most of the time I just call her a few days before I come back home.
My dad on the other hand keeps calling me all the time. Sometimes several times a day, sometimes not for a week or so. He's lonely, that's why he is calling me all the time and when he has a girlfriend he doesn't call as often.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Holy wow that's a bit much! A nit excessive! I talk to my mom a couple times a week and see her at least once every two weeks. But my parents, my sister/brother in law, and myself only live a few blocks apart. And our entire family, extended included are very close. But we all respect each others private time with hubbys/bf/fiance and friends. We'll shoot a text and not worry if we don't hear anything back til the next day. But we are not a normal family. More like what you might call your typical redneck western american family. ;-p
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