I get it quiet alot cos I don't hide mine. My arm is a wreck and no I don't mind if people ask. I reckon most people know how they came about, they just wanna see you squirm when they mention it!
SERENITY is my RYL mum.
SOLO is my RYL auntie.
SEFKA is my RYL daughter.
DAYS GONE BYE is my RYL sister.
JEFFERSON.MERIWETHER is my RYL son.
OLINESS is my RYL son.
Depending on the circumstances I would be mildly embarassed but in a way glad they asked - because the only way to tackle the stigma is to address it openly. However, my visible scars are quite old and if people ask then I usually say I 'used to' self harm, not that I still do. So I maintain some privacy and distance but the topic is out in the open.
My noticable scars are in areas not in general public display to avoid such questions. I have really old feint marks in general view but nobody has mentioned them to me. If someone did ask I think I'd be vague calling them 'youthful misadventures' or something and refer to it in the past tense as well. I agree with Tokoloshe about the privacy thing but perhaps in a more guarded way.
It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection
- The Bhagavad Gita
not a vet but noticed this thread while scrolling through em. personally my scars are noticeable to know what theyre from, id probably be annoyed if anyone asked me what they were from, purely because its obvious.
Honestly? I don't think anyone should get upset or anything about being asked. If you're not worried and have it hidden... then okay? If you are worried than say something funny "attacked by a rose bush" or something like that. But anyways!
No I'm not offended :P
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I was asked a couple of times in summer last year and I really couldn't wear long sleeves cause it was too hot, otherwise they would have been covered up. I wasn't annoyed or offended that they asked, I was embarrassed. I didn't want to admit that I self harmed so I shrugged my shoulders and looked away.
I have been asked, I was at a festival and he said, what happened to you arm, do you mind me asking?, and I just said 'I used to self harm' and the guy was nice about it, he was just curious and genuinely wondered.
Nurses comment, I have had one nurse ask me why I did it and I answered honestly and they thanked me because they admitted they just didn't understand.
I LIKE people asking if they are genuinely interested and want to learn. I do not like people asking in a derogatory way or out of being purely nosey and having no interest in learning.
Someone once asked me 'Why the hell do you do that' [with a disgusted look] and I told them to grow some tact and **** off. People like this already have a fixed opinion and a narrow mind and I don't have the patience to challenge their whole attitude.
I don't get offended, sometime feel a bit awkward though. I prefer that they ask than make assumptions though... my partners mother, for example, asked my partner about them but has never asked me, and that bothers me, I get annoyed that she asked him and not me.
Same with my abuse scars, I do hide them a bit more than the self-harm ones, but if they are on display for whatever reason I prefer people to ask me than to just assume things. However, I prefer that they ask discreatly than loudly in a crowded place as then feel like the whole room is staring at me.
I always keep mine covered by dressings...so noone has seen them, not even my family. So noone has ever asked me about them, so i cant answer your question...but, i do think i would feel embarrassed if i were to be asked about them
I used to see a woman with SH scars on her arms before I started. I knew she did it herself and all, but I always wanted to ask her what it feels like etc.
I didn't have the guts to ask her though, cause I was kind of scared of how she would react. I was really scared of her... but I also liked her scars.
And I only saw her in that one store.. didn't want to ask her in front of the cashier and the other ppl anyway.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
I wouldn't be offended. It depends on who it is though and like the environment. If it was someone I work with or something like that I wouldn't tell them the truth, and the same if other people were around.
Where as if its someone I'm becoming friends with and were alone and they asked I'd probably just be a little embarrassed but I'd probably tell them.
I would prefer people to ask then skirt around it to be honet, but in my experience people will do anything but ask. I generally keep them hidden but my friends have never asked. I do have a couple of friends who clearly know and keep trying to get me to mention it, one of them confessed to me all about her self harm as a teenager and was obviously dissapointed when I didnt reciprocate. Also when I recently spoke about meeting someone who was a specialist in self harm my housemate said 'has she seen your upper arms?'. that was the first mention of my scars he has ever made.
No I don't think it's offensive for somebody to ask, I've not really been asked very often, I think everybody knows what mine are, they're just way to obvious to be anything else then purposeful.
I think though that if you don't want people to see them then keep them covered but I know since quitting self-harming and moving on with life that i'm not going to wear jumpers 24/7 especially in the heat in Australia so mine are out for the world to see, I barely think of them but when I look in the mirror they just stand out like a red thumb.
I rarely get asked about them. Most of the time I forget my scars are there so to say so when somebody does ask about them my 1st though is 'What scars? What you talking about?' lol
I don't feel offended anymore about it; it doesn't bother me personally at all. Sometimes, depending on who it is asking, I prefer not to admit I SH'd so I give a cover story. Mostly though I admit to it and briefly explain the reasons why I SH'd without giving too much personal details; I personally like the chance to try and explain it to people, help them understand it all a bit better.
I've been fortunate so far in that the majority of people who've asked me about my scars have been the kind of people who are genuinly interested in finding out about it a bit more and understanding it a bit better. I'm not keen on it when people ask just because they're being nosy or if they're the narrow minded judgemental type.
I think it depends on the manner of asking. I've been asked in all sorts of ways and some are actually really sweet, like out of concern but others are just irritating. I don't really mind though as long as they don't push the point when I make it clear that I'm not going to talk about it. When I was in Africa people would stop me on the street and ask and even when I said "oh it's ok, they are old" they would keep going on about them. That was quite irritating but still not offensive.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
I don't tend to get asked because I don't show my scars very often but I am never offended when I am. I've met two people who have bitched about my scars etc in my time and one of them, my friends saw to and it hasn't happened again. The other one, in my eyes, just doesn't exist. To be honest though, my mum made me lie about them or covers up for me if people ask and she's there. I think that my family are more embarrassed than I am because, although I am 'only' 19, I would be inclined to say that it is something I used to do and hope for the best from that.
As Tokoloshe said, it's more about raising awareness and the scars I have on show are not the recent ones and are more faint, so I don't think it matters as much as people think it's not so much of a problem and are less freaked out by it.
In front of a load of people though, explaining your way out of that one is embarrassing.
+ coming on from what Downside said, people in Africa do tend to ask but, as they do not understand self-harm in the slightest and are such inspirational people, it's easy to tell them that you had an accident when younger or to lie. The people there are more likely to believe you anyway and the reason they bug you is because they hold the English (or white people) in such high esteem that they want to look after you and make sure you're okay in every way, shape or form.
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