What do you do when you feel your heart is being ripped raw?
What do you do when you feel suicide/death is the only possible comfort?
What do you do when it hurts so much?
How do you survive?
What do you do when you feel so utterly utterly alone, and cut off from people to try and survive, and yet you desperately need them - but they cannot give you the comfort you seek and need?
I am trying to go with the flow. I am in a huge amount of pain, and at times very close to the edge. I have fleeting contact with my strength. And I am so tearful.
I'm working at addressing the deep layers of the feelings of isolation and alienation.
God, it hurts.
Thanks. My therapist knows, and is concerned about me.
My GP wonders where my positive thoughts have gone.
I've given my managers a 'heads up', but am trying not to let it show there. And what can they do anyway, as I'll have to leave soon.
How to survive? Different people have different ways. I just posted 12 things I did when I hit rock bottom which helped, but I'm a newbie here and the post was lost in cyberspace. Maybe instead of a lot of advice, I was just meant to say I care and I think you can get better.
Maybe those of us who are now happy and mostly healthy can come alongside you and say "Don't give up. Hang in there. There is hope!"
Take care Stellata.
Ps. I can probably remember those 12 things and post them in future when I have time if anyone needs some concrete things to latch on to.
My therapist is 'pushing' me to really connect with and feel the layers of pain, not bottle it up and cut myself off.
My GP is trying to keep me positive and lifted and look on the bright side.
And I? I just want to scream and cry and have someone hold me safe.
If you just want to scream and cry and have someone hold you safe, you could tell your therapist that and ask him/her to help you arrange such an experience with someone you trust.
Then you might have the courage to delve into the pain... with some of those being- held breaks.
Your Dr isn't totally wrong either though it appears so at first glance. I think in order to work through the pain, you will need some things to look forward to... some treats, some bright spots, some respite. Build this into your therapy OK.
Sometimes we can only embrace pain for short periods of time, but I think embrace it we must in order to heal. Your therapist is there to walk with you through it. For me, it was like putting my life in her hands... very scary. But we loved and trusted each other so it worked marvelously.
Then eventually, I became a counsellor and was able to walk with my clients through their private hells. With their courage and trust, and my unconditional love and respect for them, usually a lot of healing happened.
I'm feeling tired and sleepy! I really hope I get a decent night's sleep tonight, as I barely slept last night, but it sometimes in a strange way also 'works things through'...
Well, I hope you catch up on your sleep tonight. If not, perhaps you could try something like walking in the evening to try and relax your/exhaust you.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Am here for you, Katie. I know how low this has made you right now, and I can see how much you are struggling. I also know you are an amazing person, and I wanted to remind you of that. You are amazing, and special and much stronger than you think. You can get through this and out the other side. For now, keep reaching out for all the help you can - I am just a text, e-mail or post away, and there are others here, your manager, your GP and your therapist and we are all sending strength your way.
As others say, take things slowly and one day, or moment at time. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself rest and recouperation when you can. Allow yourself soothing baths, time wrapped up under the duvet and breathing. It may feel hard, but you can do it, and it will help you, little by little.
Roiben
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I did sleep much better last night. And therapy this morning gathered things up a lot. I'm feeling kind of scattered now though, so am going to take things very gently.
Everythings gone messed up with my plans. I don't know what the hell is going on with my future now. It's my LIFE they're messing with.
Arghh.
Cried so much.
Panicky. Angry. Suicidal fantasies.
Taken meds.
Calmer.
Mouth going numb. And fingers. Scared to sleep though. Scared to close my eyes.
I feel so alone and frightened.
