baby mentally ill parents

tinamarie · 13-01-2011, 03:44 AM

well i am feeling guilty right now because my mom is yelling at me every chance she gets on how selfish i am for having a baby when both me and the father are mentally ill, how it doesnt have a chance and all that. is it really as bad as she says, im scared i dont even know for sure if the father will be around as he is always disapereing, i just dont know any advice or support would be greatly accepted

Pomegranate · 13-01-2011, 03:53 AM

I am not totally sure to be honest. What I do know though is that nothing is 100% down to nature, or nurture. Your baby may be predisposed to some genetic mental health issues but that does not mean it DEFINITELY has to suffer from mental ill health. There are other equally, if not more, far more important conditions that should be considered. I guess it depends on why you are having the baby as to whether or not your mothers comments are right. Just having mental health issues does not mean your child will though.

Sigma · 13-01-2011, 09:28 AM

It doesn't automatically mean your baby will suffer from mental health problems. The best thing you can do is get as much support for yourself as possible so you can be the best mum possible (and no mother is perfect, so don't be hard on yourself!).

If you're on meds then have you checked with your Dr whether being pregnant means they need to be changed? Also perhaps you could ask about support groups for new mums - it is always a stressful time so the more people to share your experiences with the better, especially if the dad is not very reliable.

Breeze · 13-01-2011, 09:08 PM

Both my parents are mentally ill and although I have problems myself I do not believe it was of their doing.
Mainly cicumstances in life. My biological mum (whom I don't talk to now) had some factor in it but that is also partly due to the lack of family support around us and the lack of professional help for me to help me manage.

I do not think it is wrong to bring a child into the world if you are unwell. As long as you have the help and support and can love and support the baby then go for it.

shadow-light · 13-01-2011, 09:17 PM

I have a few friends who are mentally ill and have children, and to be honest they have all been fantastic parents. Many of them kind of used the pregnancy as motivation to get extra support for theirselves to help them to get better, and as has been said no parent is perfect, all parents make the odd mistake.

As for the genetic component, well there is only strong evidence of a genetic component with some mental health disorders, and even then it's not a "your child will deffantly have X" type thing, it's more a "your child has a higher chance of having X" but there are all sorts of other factors involved in the development of any mental health issue.
So one that basis if mentally ill people are "selfish" for having children due to that slight increase in suseptability (wrong word I now, cant think of right one) then people with cancer or diabeties must be too. And people with genetic disorders are defantly selfish as there is a far higher chance there of the child having the disorder.

Basically I do not think that you having a child is selfish. However, in time between now and the birth (and maybe for a while afterwards) it may be an idea to get as much help as possible to make sure that you (and the father) are stable enough to be able to give the child all they need and all you want to be able to give them

I agree with the support group thing too. One of my friends is bi-polar and when she had her child she told me that the support group for new mums that she went to was more helpful than anything else as it gave her not only support, but also a sence of belonging and a rutine, as well as new friends.