lack of stability

[shadow-light]

I will survive, I always survive. But I thought that the period of my life of just adapting and surviving was over, I thought that I finally had some stability... A safe place that I could retreat too when things were too much and a person who I could always rely on.


But in August we lose our flat, and due to a long list of circumstances we cannot get anywhere else. My partner’s dad has offered for him to move in with him, but I am not welcome. I told my partner to move in there as there is no point us both being homeless, but where does this leave me? So on Thursday he is moving to London, and I have this flat (alone) until August with no one, no support, nothing. So I need to follow to London as he is the only thing I have...


But I have no job, and noone who is willing to be a guarantor. Applying for council housing, but apparently unlike to get anything. Got a few more forms so can apply to different regions, but according to a self-assessment thing I did online I only score about 100 points and most people get 300-400...
I’ve been to CAS and rung several places but not really found much help... they all keep going on about “local connections” and stuff and I don’t really have any to anywhere...

Currently I am no DLA but that is my only income, I applied for ESA over 5 months ago and I’m still waiting (rung them several times but just keep being told to keep waiting).



Since I was 16 my accommodation situation has been constantly messed up... but for the last year it's been fairly stable, actually had somewhere and wasn't constantly terrified of losing it. But now back to uncertainty.


Keep having nightmares about a few years ago when I was on the streets, I know it's not certain that I will be back on them again but I am so scared of the possibility... It's not the lack of food or a shower or anything that scares me, it's the lack of a safe secure place...
And I am scared of living alone too... I'm scared that my partner will realise that he is better off without me and leave me. Scared that I won't be able to cope alone. But at the same time part of me wants it to happen, part of me relishes the fact that I will essentially be able to self-destruct unhindered, that I will be able to restrict and cut without being scared of hurting my partner.

[Kitkat :)]

Sorry to hear about all this happening to you ):

It must be terrible.

Why are you unwelcome in your partner's Dad's home? I'm sure your partner won't leave you at a time when you'll need him most... Have you got any relatives/friends/neighbours/acquaintances that you could stay with?

[shadow-light]

my partners parents don't really like/approve of me... they say I'm a financial liability and that I am bad for him mental health.

I've asked almost all of my friends but none can offer me anywhere, my parents told me that it was my "own fault" and that they will not "bail me out" and my grandparents can't have me as it will cause too much trouble with my parents... my Gran has offered to send me £50 a month though to try to help

[Kitkat :)]

Oh ):

It's a shame that your parents won't help you out in a situation like this.

At least your Gran's going to send you some money.

Could you phone up your local council or the housing office and say that it's urgent that you find somewhere to live because otherwise you'll be homeless?

My cousin's losing her flat and they're finding her somewhere else to live, I think pretty quickly atfer she loses it.

[Busby]

Hi, i went on line today and found that 100 points can score you a studio flat in some areas. I dont know if you read my response to your thread about supported housing, but I think the social inclusion team might be obliged to take you on. It's always worth a try to get into supported housing. And it could be beneficial to you also. I dont know your circumstances, but a mental health team behind you might be enough to get you into supported housing. Check out my response and pm me if you need any more info.

hope it all works out, thinking of you xx

[shadow-light]

been told that I could get somewhere in Aberdeen without too large a gap as I live here already, but if I stay here I will be totally alone and I can't do that... I don't think I could manage it...

I was advised by a charity I called (can't remember it's name, wasn't shelter still waiting for their response but similar type thing) to wait until I have lost here to then go to London and present myself as homeless and get a hostel place. But that's nearly 2 months of uncertanty and not sure I can cope with that... the last few weeks have been hell with all the unceerttainty and fear

Quote:

i went on line today and found that 100 points can score you a studio flat in some areas.

Really? I was told that I'd need at least 200 in order to have any chance of getting somewhere. Maybe they were overestimating to cover theirselves?

[[Fog]]

Thinking of you xx

[shadow-light]

I am so scared and not feling exactly safe right now... Jack and I had a long talk and I think we have a sort of plan formed, we've booked me a week in a youth hostel for when we lose this flat to give me some more time to sort something more perminant out. And he has promised that he's not going to abandon me, but I am still terrified... esspecially as he goes away tomorrow, down to him dads to sort some things out, and I don't know how long he'l be gone for... Inistially this was meant to be him moving down, but now he's said he will come back up as he's scared that if he just left I'd end up dead...

[shadow-light]

reallly really struggling right now... feelig very panicy and scared, and keep having flashes of "images" in my head that make no sense

[[Fog]]

*Safe hugs*.

Could you call Jack?

Is there anything you can do to take your mind off the horrid stuff? Watch a film or go for a walk or listen to music or read a book or write in your journal?

Hope you're ok xxx

[shadow-light]

I called him about an hour ago, he was only able to talk for a few minuets, he said he;'d call me tomorrow though.

How the hell am I meant to be able to live alone in 2 months when I can't even get through today? Doesn't seem to matter what I do I can't stop crying and panicing over stupid things... whenever I try to do anything it only distracts me for a few minuets before I become very aware of how alone I am again and start crying

[[Fog]]

I haven't got much advice to offer you because I have never been able to cope with being on my own and I don't think I've ever even managed one day on my own in my entire life...

Maybe things will be calmer for you tomorrow. Today was a huge day for you and one that you have been dreading for a long time, so it's understandable that you are feeling so upset. Maybe you could try planning your day to help to pass the time more. When I really need a structure I write out an hourly timetable for the day, or if I don't want to be so rigid I write out a to-do list.

Thinking of you xx

[shadow-light]

ye I'm hoping tomorrow will be easier... adjusting to it and stuff... got a doctors appoitnemnt in the morning which I am dreading as it means I have to go outside to get to it when I booked it (2 weeks ago) I didn't know Jack was leaving today or I'd have gotten one before he'd gone

[shadow-light]

just rang Jack in tears hardly able to breath... he;'s calmede me down, but now I feel like such a pathetic idiot for ringing him... how needy and pathetic am I??? He's been gone les than a day

[[Fog]]

You can do it dear :-] Try to think of the doc's appointment as a nice walk in the sun, instead of something scary, maybe stick some music on as you go there.

You are not needy or pathetic. You've been under such a lot of stress recently and it's been really hard for you. Do you feel any calmer now that you have spoken to him?

Hope you are ok x

[shadow-light]

yes I am feeling calmer now, stopped crying too. Decided to watch my House DVDs as Jack doesn't like House so don't get to watch them when he is here.

[[Fog]]

:-] Sounds like a really good plan.

Hope you have a nice evening, here for you xx

[shadow-light]

thanks for putting up with my paniced rants.


I promised Jack on gthe phone that I would eat something, so might go make dinner of some sort in a second

[[Fog]]

I'm glad that I could help even a tiny bit. I'm just concerned about you and I'm really hoping you're ok.

Sounds like a good idea to eat, I know it's hard though when no one's there to check up on you - it's the same for me at the moment with my parents away. It's really important though, you need food to help you to cope. Try to have something that feels safe so you don't panic about it xx

[shadow-light]

today has not been great....


spent it alternating between sitting in the shower crying, purging in the bathroom, and sitting online... If this is going to be life from now on I don't want to be part of it