Triggering (SI) - Harming at a young age

[Schleier von Dunst]

Ok, so I've just been reading some posts where people have said they harmed from a very young age.

I started cutting when I was 14, for reasons that for now don't matter. I've been allowing myself to get hurt since I was little (by letting my friends slap me or whatever), and been hitting my head etc since I was very little.

I guess I have two questions.

• If you started harming yourself at a young age, what type of harm was it? Did you cut/burn/whatever, or was it smaller and simpler, like head banging etc?
• If you made visible harm (eg. cuts) at the younger ages, did you realise it was self harm? Did you make an attempt to hide it with the knowledge we now have?

For no particular reason, other that I'm really interested in this sort of thing, and the reasons behind why people started so young.

[The One Who]

I don't think I deliberately harmed myself, but I did let myself get hurt in several ways.

I developed an ED when I was about 8 though, so I suppose I was actively harming myself, but didn't really realise what I was doing at the time. Obviously that wasn't as visible either.

[FriendlyMushroom]

Ever since I was little I used to bite or pick at my skin lightly. Most of the time it didnt bleed, and I'm not sure why I did it. I just did.

I started actually cutting when I was 12, I know that's REALLY young. But I was so tired of feeling depressed, and when I felt depressed, I felt like nobody liked me. So that was the result. I knew it was self harm, and at first I didnt try hiding it. I guess I wanted others to see I was sad. But then I got addicted and started hiding it. I feel so bad that I did it now :/

[BunnythesAINT]

Hm good question. I had one episode when I was like five or six and I saw a knife laying out somewhere in my house and I was like "Hm, what would that feel like?" So I made it look like an accident and of course back then I didn't realize what I had just done but now I realize what I did. And that may have something to do with what I became. I first started at eleven continuously, I think it was. But, to be honest, that was all for attention. It wasn't until I turned twelve that I realized how hurting myself could, back then, help me with my problems and how I should hide and it all of that stuff. I mainly cut or hit myself (I can really only remember one bad hitting episode) but from the years of eleven to thirteen the cuts didn't scar bad, they turned the color of my skin and now I can only see some cuts from those years. It got a lot worse the older I got, but I think that's the case for a lot of people. I didn't know how bad what I was doing was when I was eleven until I met this girl and she did it and she got in a lot of trouble, so I learned to hide it. She taught me how to hide it but eventually my methods of hiding it became obvious and my friends and my mom would know when I cut myself because of that. Yeah, I guess that's all that I have to say that's of any use.

[Schleier von Dunst]

Thanks guys, there's some really interesting answers here. Dawnfeather, you said that you used to bite or pick your skin. It didn't bleed, but it will have left marks. Did you attempt to hide that, or didn't you know you should?

[Gonny]

I started cutting as a way to feel better at age 12, just because my friends did it and I wanted to try it out.

When I was really little, we got really fancy bandages and I would cut my hands with my mom's sewing scissors. I didn't try to hide it until I was about 14 because my teachers freaked out when I started to bleed in class all the time. My choir teacher was afraid of blood and passed out when one of my friends told him I was bleeding.

[Schleier von Dunst]

Did you cut your hands, just as an opportunity to use the bandages?

[[Desolation.]]

i was about 6 when i would pinch myself and scrape my shoulders and hands against walls and stuff. i started noticibly sh at 10. punching stuff so much my knuckles would bleed and bruise. i was 13 when i started properly cutting but there was lots of head banging and scratching up to then. Pretty good at hiding it though, still no one knows 11 years later.

[Schleier von Dunst]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Let-It-Bleed

i was about 6 when i would pinch myself and scrape my shoulders and hands against walls and stuff. i started noticibly sh at 10. punching stuff so much my knuckles would bleed and bruise. i was 13 when i started properly cutting but there was lots of head banging and scratching up to then. Pretty good at hiding it though, still no one knows 11 years later.

When you were 6, did you hide it because you knew you had to, or for another reason?


Come to think of it, another question for the general listener, why do you hide your SI? I used to as well, but can you explain why?

[[Desolation.]]

well when i was little i got shouted at if i got hurt so i kind of knew i had to hide it.
and your other question :
i hide my sh because i know with my 'friends' their opinion on mental health and si is that its all for attention and people should just stop it :/ so thats a nono
and my mum isnt the kind of person i can talk to and if she finds out ive been doing this all this time i dont think i could handle it :/
theres your answer from me :)

[chickenpie]

I hide it because it upsets people, and causes reactions I just can't handle. And because I'm ashamed. I started at 16, I can't remember why, I know someone in my year did it 'because she was depressed' and I 'think' I thought, If it helped her maybe it will help me. I didn't do it becuase she was though.

I wanted people to see it to start with, maybe they would help me, but as soon as my parents found out I rarely showed anyone ever again.

A friend of mine is 22, she's been harming since she was 8. I used to think she was lying, how could an 8 year old want to do that? I don't see it that way now though, from being on here. She used to cut, from that age, and hid it.

[mollysaysrecover]

I started cutting in October 2008, which made me 11 (nearly turning 12). I started regularly cutting at the age of mid-12. I can remember my friend and I trying to find pieces of glass in the school playground to cut ourselves with (I was about 6/7). This WAS deliberate, but it wasn't to actually hurt ourselves, it was so we could get sent home (we hated school, it sucked in so many ways you could not imagine) but I guess I could have done it un-conciously. That may be what drove me to do it at aged 11. I don't think there is a 'right' age to start self-harming, because children grow and change at many different speeds. I was knowledgable and could hold an intelligent conversation with my parents or any adult when I was 7/8 and was more like a 15 year old when I was 11, so I disagree with ages being 'too young'. And I never told my mother I used to try and hurt myself to get sent home, same as I haven't told her I cut myself. I used to enjoy 'splitting headaches' and hitting myself, I haven't told my mother that either. I hope everything works out for you, dear. PM me if you ever need to talk xxxxx

[xlaurenx]

I was 16 when i started cutting, along with punching things and banging my head, scratchinga year later i started taking ods and now am nearly 18 i still take some ods . But between the ages of .. 7-14 i did know what sh was, i had never heard of when i was young about 7-8 i would say if i get really mad or upset then i would do' that thing' ( sh) but i never relised i sh. When i was young i would punch doors but that was mainly when i was angry or i would stab myself with a blunt objects, sometime scratch with a compass, or cut with scissors.

The marksetc were never very visable and i always keep it covered.

[clear_skies]

I didn't start cutting until I was 18. When I was little I used to harm myself by hitting my head, and scratching myself. As I got older I started punching myself too and then when I wasn't getting any relief I started cutting.

Kind of sad when I put it like that.

[shadow-light]

I first cut when I was 6, not sure if I did anything before that as my memory is a bit iffy. I also used to purposely annoy eople until they would hit me or lock me outside, etc when I was younger, but not sure if that was self-harmy or more logic of "it's going to happen anyway let's at least make sure that I deserved it".

When I was in my early teen years (can't say when exactly, once again memory issues) I stopped cuttng, but I started doing other things and when I was 16 or 17 I started cutting again.


As for hiding it... I remember after the first time I did it I paniced and hid the thing I used and everything to do with it, but the times after that I'm not sure... I vaugly remember my cousin telling me that it was disgusting and I should be ashamed, and I do remember hiding it after that, not sure if I kept hiding it or not though.
I don't remember actively and consistently hiding it until I restarted at 16/17

[lil_attie]

When I was young I used to bite my arms because I liked the teeth marks. Everything else up to the point where I was 13 was not like deliberate self harm but more like me just letting myself get hurt when it was avoidable. At 13 I started cutting.

[samfishers]

I started cutting my arms at the age of 14..well it wasn't cutting, it was with a saw blade.. Before that I had numerous burns and cuts from working with tools and metal (for example, I would solder pieces of electronic devices, but would touche it with my fingers intentionally.) I do hide my scars, because I a afraid of the reaction of others, I am conscious many of them wouldn't give a damn and would prefer not to see those scars. My journal tells all that more in depth.

[FriendlyMushroom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wonderful_feeling

Thanks guys, there's some really interesting answers here. Dawnfeather, you said that you used to bite or pick your skin. It didn't bleed, but it will have left marks. Did you attempt to hide that, or didn't you know you should?

Sorry for the late response. No, I didnt know it was a bad thing so I didnt attempt to hide it. I don't think my parents saw though.

[[[[Jellie]]]]

Hmm, I have self harmed from the age of about 6/7.
I seem to remember stress in the house quite a lot at that age, and I just developed things like picking skin, biting my knuckles, head banging a little bit and just other minor little things.
Yes, I tried to hide it. For instance, I was embarassed showing my hands because people would ask me what I did. I would make up crappy excuses. So when I look back, I had the complete pattern of self harming, just I didn't realise it, if you see what I mean?
Take care xx

[Streets]

I would say I consciously started self harming when I was 10, slowly progressing to more serious levels when I was 12/13.

I used to have really bad skin (eczema) and when I was younger I would scratch my skin until it was red raw and bleeding (so it looked like the other areas) when I was stressed out or in trouble or whatever. I wasn't conscious, but I remember enjoying the stinging and the blood.....creepy child. lol

I don't hide my scars any more. But I used to, for lots of reasons. My Mum found out about me self harming (read my diary) and went mad. Then saying I was a liar blah blah blah....she knows now it never stopped.

I think the real reason I hid it, well it is weird isn't it? Who wants to hurt themselves on purpose?? You just know people are going to react to it badly. In a way it goes against that natural instinct to protect yourself but in a weird way it is that instinct because you are doing it to save yourself.

I think this is reinforced by the reactions you get from people when they do see your scars/cuts/burns/bruises/whatever. It’s not that most comfortable or positive reaction, most of the time.