Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Can it be made better anytime soon

Hi,
I don't really understand what's happening, I never know who to talk to no more, I feel in the way
Everyone ends up getting bored, maybe its cause ic ant help them? Or because I talk too much?
Maybe because they want to help me but its hard for me to get better asap, I don't know
All I know it I haven't SH in 20 days,
And its hard because I seem to have gained a little ambs, she's listening to me right now, I don't know how to control her
It confuses me because I don't know how to make her stay away etc? Its all different I've never really
Experienced this before :/,
What makes it worse is she changed, last night she eas terrified she was making my heart beat faster and
Faster, I couldn't calm her down, until she just took over I had to crawl into bed with my gf and she knew
Straight away It was baby ambs, she looked after me I can't remember much
Just that she was scared earlier today I could feel her anger I was getting frustrated with her
And now I'm in pain, big pain, she's mad because I let all the big people hurt her
I had a horrible flashback today where I remember perfect what happened it hurt
I was screaming he shshed me, so I shushed I stopeed crying and I begged I offered to give him my
A teddy he saiidnt want a tddy, he wanted me, he wanted me orever and I had to do everthing he wanted
If I didn't, he woldnt love me no more...he wouldn't b my big girl secret, I wouldn't have anyone love me again,
I wouldn't make him happy, I wouldn't make him smile, he told me I was getting better and if I didn't make him orgasm
Quicker we weren't gonna ply nice no more, I failed, I failed baby ambs, she :'(

maybe i just shouldnt post no more

[hellbunny]

sorry cant offer much words at the moment! but can say you were strong to get through that as a child and this is how your head can cope with the trauma. Have you tried talking to a doctor?, therapist? they would be able to offer advise and shouldnt get bored with you.

Keep strong hun and you should keep posting after all this is what the forums are here for.

mmmm,
i dont have anyone to talk to atm, i dont know who to talk too, its really hard, ima try talk to my connexions worker tomorrow, but i dont think ill be able to i dont know what to do :'(

[shadow-light]

maybe once you've decided on who to peak to you can write it down, or even print off a post or two from here rather than saying th ewords to them? That can be a bit easier


there is a link in my signature with some tips to help with fashbacks which you might find helpful. Also you didn't let anyong do anything, the responsibility lays with those who hurt you