A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Triggering (Suicide) - I'm sorry... To everyone
It's seems I have annoyed some people on here as well... Why am I such a failure?
I don't know what I have, but my symptoms match up with DID and I want to help people, probably a bit too much, but that's what I want to to do so they don't end up like me.
As far as you know, you don't know what happened in my childhood.
I was hated by people, I was bullied, and I've been depressed and had anxiety my whole life. My cousin who was the same age as me, did sexually abuse me; she made me play games I didn't want to play, and then when I'd say no she'd say horrible stuff to me... Stuff that I don't want to and can't remember.
My Mum used to push me to be better than I was, even though I couldn't get any better... And she never understood me, and she'd always shout at me for the littlest things, even if they weren't actually a problem.
I'm sorry that I've offended people on here, but you don't know how unstable I am... Every day I feel like I could die, I feel like it could be the end of my life.
I really feel upset that I've annoyed people on here, I can't even build or keep a relationship with people over the internet, let alone the people I actually physically meet up with.
I'm sorry, and I'm off to the park soon, because the thing I want to do I can't do at home. I was two weeks free of SIing... That'll be broken today.
I'm sorry.
I don't know how you could offend people on here. From what I've seen, you're very supportive and helpful. A breath of fresh air, even. I can relate to what it's like to be hated and bullied by people.. it doesn't just leave you as you grow up. I also know what it's like to want to help people so badly, even though some people may take things the wrong way.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Because I got mail from a member on here saying some stuff, can't remember her name, even though I just read it.
But I feel bad for what I've done... It must've been for me to receive it.
Psh. Anyone else would tell you the same, that you've done nothing on here to "annoy" people. I certainly havn't noticed anything wrong with how you are, on here.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Well others have got issues with me posting what I have...
I'm fed up of trying to be nice, of trying to help, it just never works out for me.
I feel so triggered now...
My record will be broken, yet again
:'(
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It wasn't a nasty message as such... Just saying that I'd be influencing people to think they have disorders that they haven't actually got and that I was throwing it about like it was the common cold.
I've really f*cked up this time.
Well and truly screwed everything up AGAIN.
Ayka's so f*cking angry with me.
I just wanted to help... :'(
So what if some people have supposed issues with what you post, you're a good person and the only thing you're guilty of is being nice and helping others.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I can't even try and help people on here without someone having a problem with me...
I really thought I fit in here, it was the only thing left in my days that I enjoyed doing because I actually felt like I wasn't a freak.
But clearly I was wrong.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!!?!?!?!
Arggghhhhhhh I'm so f*cking angry and upset... I may end up in hospital by the time I'm done with myself.
I'm sick of it, I'm sick of living like this and being me, not even the friends that I see want me around and if I'm not needed on here... I might as well die... There's nothing left for me.
You're not a freak and you do fit in here.
I'm not gonna leave til you feel better, even if just a little. You've got friends here now. They wouldn't want you to suffer like this.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I am a freak, no one wants to know me, no one cares... And I don't, I'm just making people worse.
Well then that might be a while, I'm getting worse and worse as the minutes go by and I'm leaving to go to the park soon... No elastic band or red marker on my arm is going to get rid of this urge.
And in my mind is Ayka, telling me I deserve this because I'm such an unworthy person of life... In some ways she's right... I don't deserve life, there's so many more people who want it more than I do.
People here care, I care. I wouldn't mind getting to know you. You aren't making people worse, believe me.
I'll gladly stay as long as it takes. I understand very much of what you're going through, for the most part. You're stronger than this. Don't give in.
You ARE worthy of life, no-one has the right to say you aren't.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I do have to do this
I'm trying to revise, but it's not taking my mind off it.
All I can think of is the pain and the blood and how much I deserve it.
I probably am... I'm probably triggering someone on this thread besides myself, and then if they relapse it'll be my fault too.
I'm not, I've been self harming for two years on and off, I'm not worth of anything I have, I'm just not worth it.
Don't waste your time on here, there are other people who need help more than I do.
I really don't... I should just leave, I don't want to be like this anymore.
