I am not sure if this is the right spot to post this but if not can the mods move it. Today I had an appointment with my psych and she wanted to know what I was like as a child, what I remember? What were the happy times etc. I couldn't tell her anything, other than what small snippets I have been told by those around me but these are just facts not memories. I understand that it was a defense mechanism that I needed at the time but I am scared I will never know who I am. I feel defective as a person. Anyways my point of making this thread was to find out if anyone else has experienced similar memory lapses? Thanks
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I rememember almost nothing before the age of about 15... and then again nearly nothing between ages of 16 and 17...
for me though I get "snippets" and then they grow into memories, or into metaphors of memories (if that makes sense). there are many reasons for these memory lapses, one of the most common is that of "state dependent learning" which basically means that you have to be in the same mental state to remember an event as you where when you learnt/experianced it - which is one of the reasons why for people who have flashbacks they can be triggered by an emotion.
Strange thing for me was that until a psych asked me about my childhood I had never really realised that other people did remember things lol.
Do you have any idea why you deeloped this coping mechanism?
I have a whole year of school memories missing, and feelings missing from the experiences I do remember over the years - although am now connecting up with feelings, with the help of therapy.
I have a lot of memories missing, ones in the wrong order, and ones that don't seem to make sense or never actually happened. It's part of the many things that contribute towards my feelings of never actually existing the past.
How to deal with missing memories though, I have little advice. It's not anything I've explored in any detail yet.
Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money.
They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with.
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
I only remember about 5 things from before I was 13, and always found it odd... and have thought numerous times that maybe my mind was blocking out something that happened to make me so ****ed up.
My psych has never brought it up though, so I just figured it was normal to not remember much.
If someone ever says to you "You need to stop thinking so much," call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have. If you stop using it, it will atrophy.
i remember hardly any of my childhood either before the age of about 13 but i dont think there is any reason for it just a bad memory on my part not a defence mechanism or anything so a bit different to you.
Same as above really, I have a rubbish memory and hardly remember anything from my childhood, apart from odd bits here and there. Even pretty big events when I was younger, that I should remember, I just have no memory of. Yet I don't think it's a defense mechanism, and I don't have flashbacks or anything... probably just a bad memory for me!
Thank-you all so much for sharing your experiences with me, it helps to know I am not alone in dealing with things like this.
Shadow-light ~ My psych was telling me that this often happens with those that have experienced significant trauma (in my case years of repeated abuse). That it was my way to be able to survive the abuse if that makes sense. I have also been diagnosed with complex PTSD
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Shadow-light ~ My psych was telling me that this often happens with those that have experienced significant trauma (in my case years of repeated abuse). That it was my way to be able to survive the abuse if that makes sense. I have also been diagnosed with complex PTSD
ye they think trauma was the cause of my memory issues too. For me I dissociated during things and so now only remember them if I am dissociated now... if that makes sense? didn't make a huge amount of sense to me, esspecially as generally dont remember what happens or what I remember when dissocited lol)
Been having issues with this as well, ( with more recent things) and have found out, after a talk with my new GP, that it is because of the 2 benzo's I was on. That they can actually change your thought patterns and affect memory as well.
I know why I lack childhood memories, but didnt understand about the more recent ones; he says this is why. Now being off all benzo's I have to admit I do see/feel a difference.
I have memory gaps all over, generally when I wake up the morning first thing I do is check the day, month and year to see if I've "lost any time". I mean sometimes I go to bed on a monday and so when I wake up I believe it's a tuesday, but then it turns out of by friday and I have no memory of the missing days!
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I have great problems with my memory; I only have a few memories from my childhood... I don't remember any of my birthdays, most of primary school is missing and year 7 and 8 is missing as well... and parts of year 9.
I have problems with what day it is, and the time, and I often forget what time it is... And I'll write something twice because I don't remember writing it.
My days of the week are just screwed... I have to ask so many times what day it is.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Actually the only thing I seem to remember from primary school and from when I was young was me being violent to my friends... biting them, hitting them, kicking them... I used to get badly told off for it, and then they didn't want to play with me and they weren't allowed to...
Maybe its why I self harm?
yes,i have a grand total of 5 memories from my pre-11 years old 'early childhood'. 4 of those are negative, 1 is neutral. before therapy, i only had the 1 neutral memory.
it confused me for a long time, but through therapy, i have come to connect the memory lapses to the abuse from my mother. especially since my younger brother is pretty much the same - he remembers a tiny bit more than i do, but not significantly.
I have always known that I didn't remember much of my younger years but quite frankly I thought it was normal up until a year ago when my partner suggested that I might have some form of DID (not MPD but a form of dissociation from traumatic experiences). At first I didn't take it on so much but the more I started to think about it, I realized that I could probably remember just about a handle of memories over the span of say about 20 years?? Some by my own and some by association either by pics or by hearing facts etc... I try to remember things 'today' by trying to associate with something or try to keep a record of it. I am only 31 so I don't think I need to be doing at such a young age. However I feel that if I don't I might have another span of memory loss as I have noticed that I deal with bad experiences by trying to not engage my feelings and put the situation 'away' somewhere so to speak. Again something that I wasn't aware of until recently.
I absolutely don't remember what kind of childhood I had. Like if it was happy or sad or just simply there. My mother mentioned that I used to be a happy child but then one day it all changed. Though, I can only go by her word and nothing more. I had some sexual abuse happen when I was young, I don't remember the age but maybe that's when I changed??? I dunno.
Recently, I have been packing to move and I saw some old books from my childhood which I remember 'feeling' like I adored these books but I have no memory of reading them or how I even got them or hell, what the books were really about. I don't recall any situations related to them or really reacting to the books themselves. I can make assumptions but that's as far as it goes. Perhaps my feelings were just an assumed reaction to seeing old things??
I haven't brought it up with anyone except my partner as I've had situations with friends and family that were rather awkward. As an example I went to my best friend from high school's wedding when I was 19 -21 and I had completely forgotten that I went until I said to her "I wished that I was there" one day when were were catching up (like 8 years later). She said "you don't remember being there?" in my head I was like "No, I don't remember a single aspect of the wedding" but I just kinda played it off. Apparently I had brought an ex as well...? I was completely embarrassed and I really couldn't explain why I had forgotten. It wasn't like a stranger she was my best friend. :(
Oh well, I dunno I suppose we'll see. I had my first psych appt last week for some other stuff I have been dealing with so maybe things will start coming up from there.
Here, do any of you find that you're somewhat worse at remembering things generally compared to other people? I find that I have a tendency to not remember normal everyday events at all, because I distance myself from everything that happens. So it's not unusual for me not to be able to tell you what I was doing yesterday, because I'd already forgotten it completely; like, I don't need this information, so I'm not going to remember it. Not sure if that made any sense..
Also, do you think the lack of childhood memories is a good or a bad thing? When I first realised that I don't have any memories, it really bothered me, but then I decided that if I don't remember, there's probably a good reason for not remembering, and I'm probably better off not knowing.
