I don't really know where to start. I'm at university at the moment, which I thought was going to be wonderful. I was so excited about moving away and getting on with life, after the summer that I've had. I've been recently diagnosed with PTSD and Depressive Psychosis, although these keep changing. I don't really understand how I can have so many different things at once, but they keep changing their minds so I don't really know what I have. I was going to defer the year. I was going to take the year off and work with my CPN at home (who is absolutely lovely and one of the first people I've properly felt able to trust) and get better and then go, but I didn't want to wait, so I left home and I left all the stability and comfort that went with it, but also all of the reminders and worries of being around where everything happened. I genuinely thought that I'd be able to cope, that everything would be okay. I was on Aripiprazole and Citalopram, which I thought would kind of solve everything and that I'd be able to get on with being a student and having fun.
Obviously, this was pretty naive, and I'm really starting to struggle. I've been skipping lectures because I physically and mentally don't feel able to attend. I've found it hard to make new friends because I find it so hard to trust new people. My flatmates are lovely, but I have very few friends outside of my flat. I'm finding it hard to eat properly, because it's not even just eating I have to convince myself of, it's finding the energy to cook the food and then clean up afterwards. The voices are interferring so much with lectures; when I do go, a couple of times They've been so loud it's been almost impossible to concentrate. I've started seeing things again, and yesterday I felt ants crawling all over me, even inside me. My new CPN has spoken with the psych (who I haven't seen yet, and don't even know if I'll be able to make the appointment because I have a stupid presentation to do on that day, and I really don't know what to do about that) and I've been put on a higher dose of abilify but it hasn't really helped that much.
Basically, I know that uni is getting to me, and I sort of want to pack up and leave. My course isn't exactly what I expected, and I just feel like I'm sticking with it for the sake of saying that I went to a good university, and got a good degree in a good subject. All I really want to do is to go home and try and find a job, but who's looking for people to work for them at the moment? I've been trying to persuade myself to stay until christmas, but that's after exams and assessments, and those seem too big at the moment, I don't know how I'll even begin to do them. I just don't know if I'm well enough for all this.
:/
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it off my chest.
I was in the same situation as you, with making friends hard and not really enjoying my course and just being generally stressed and i ended up in hospital probably because of it. so after alot of difficult thinking and changing my mind A LOT, i have decided to give it up and get a job for the next year and just try and get over it really so im ready to go back next year! but basically im telling you this so you dont feel like you are the only one! because i know while i was deciding i felt like i was the freak who was finding it hard and like i should be in uni because thats what ive always been expected to do (by myself and teachers mainly)!
but i will tell you what everyone was and is telling me and that is: "you are still young, so whatever you decide to do as long as it makes you happy then it doesnt matter, you can always go to uni again in a few years time when you feel more ready"
Good luck, let us know what you decide
x
I am getting help down here, yeah. I have a new CPN who is also really nice, but only works part time, so I'm getting 2, one for the first half of the week and then my current one for the second. It's kind of confusing. My personal tutor seems really lovely and more than willing to help, and there's a mentor service at my uni that's designed for helping with things like that. I need to get in touch with them, but I've just been putting it off. I have got the help I need, which makes things seem even harder; that I'm struggling even though I do have all these people around me just makes me feel even more pathetic, tbph.
going to uni is a big change and i was like that last year. use the support u have and u will hopefully come out of this bad spell chick. i did after things got too bad and wish i had got help sooner. use the mentoring service they are really good i have got one at my uni and it has made things abit easier. have a long hard think but its only end of october things most probably will get easier. but the decision is yours at the end of the day dont put too much stress on urself. have u spoken to ur house mates about it
Uni is a huge change - it is away from the things you know and there are new expectations and pressures placed upon you.
I can see how having two CPNs would be confusing. Could you ask if there is someone in the cmht where your uni is that could act as a single liasion so that you have one person you can talk to for the whole week.
I would contact the Universities support services as well, as they can advise on your options.
I understand how things can feel hard, however, there is always the option of taking sebatical leave, or defering for a year and restarting the course should things feel like they are getting too much.
That - or changing course if that one is really not for you.. although I would be unsure how much of that is down to your coping levels and how much the course... that is something you would need to weigh up.
*hugs*
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Hey, I'm kinda in the same position right now,nut it will get better soon hunni
if your course is not quite what you expected, is there still the posibility of chanignbg to a different course right now?
Does youtr uni have a wellbing centre or something where they can tell your uni of your difficulties anbd gives allowances for it or simnething?
x x x x x
I don't think I'd be able to change courses now. I'm not sure, but I think we're too far into the semester. I think it's partly being away from home, too, which is making things even more difficult. I have let my personal tutor know, and I have a meeting with her next week to discuss all the options.
Got my first assignment today and :S I'm pretty nervous about whether or not I'll be able to write enough words/ whether or not it'll be good enough.
Thank you for all the understanding though <3 it's making me feel less alone, definitely.
