So I'm really struggling with purging. It's not even just after binging anymore (which I didn't do much of anyway) it's after eating 'normally'or when I'm restricting which is my default and has been for a long time now.
I don't know if I should ask for support with it or not.
My cmht know about everything. But they don't care because I'm fat so I clearly can't have a serious problem. But I do want to stop. Because it's just not nice. But I'm worried that my cmht are going to be dismissive of it and I'll just feel like an idiot. What do I do?
Sorry if this isn't allowed. I haven't posted in this part of the forum I don't think so it's hard to know what is acceptable to talk about and what isn't. I have read the rules and I don't think I've broken any.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
it can be realy tricky to get some people within CMHT to take eating issues seriously unless you are of a low BMI, but that's not to say you shouldn't try. There are professionals who recognise that getting help earlier rather than later is for the best, and that purging (and restricting) can be really dangerous regardless of weight.
It's not an easy thing to bring up I know, and that can be feel even worse when they don't take you seriously... but i think it's a good idea to bring it up regardless, if you are lucky you may find they are supportive.
got ameeting to get to so need to run, but i will try to write more later
I should be seeing my cpn this week so I might try and bring it up.
I do get worried about the purging because a few weeks ago there was blood and I don't want anything to be wrong with me!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
If there was blood when purging you definitely need to be bringing it up. Is telling your GP an option if CMHT don't feel super safe? Even if you aren't getting proper mental health support for it (which you should and deserve), the medical aspect of it definitely needs to be checked over too.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I'm guessing bringing it up to the carers to ask for their support is not really something you're comfortable with? Or can you try to eat right before they come so that you can't purge while they're there?
It's hard to change habits for sure.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Nope. The carers are completely useless, even with the simplest of tasks.
I do usually eat before they come (they usually come around 9pm) but there's usually a lot of time between eating and them coming so I have time to purge.
But I could try and eat later.
I've managed to stop visiting a certain website which is mostly 'pro'. I used to check it obsessively. Which I guess is progress. All it was doing was making the behaviours worse.
And I want to stop with the behaviours and lose weight healthily. I didn't think it would be this hard though!
I very naively thought I'd just be able to stop!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Every little bit of progress counts, so that's great re not checking that website as much!
If entirely stopping is too much, is it worth aiming to just do it less often? I dunno how often it is occurring for you right now. But for example if it's occurring multiple times a day that might mean aiming for less times a day. Or if it's occurring more like once every day maybe that would mean aiming for just once every other day, or instead of x times a week maybe x-2 times a week? (There are rules re specifics about numbers but I think that should be okay to say.)
If less times feels too overwhelming you could at least try setting a 5 minute timer and waiting 5 minutes before you do purge. Then maybe you can try upping the time for longer?
Last edited by Auror. : 15-06-2021 at 12:18 AM.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thanks Camden
I'll definitely try doing it less
I get worried that I'm going to have really bad effects from it so doing it less is probably the way to go
I think stopping would be too hard atm
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Is there anyone in your team that you feel that you could speak to? Theres a chance that they will not see it as a priority right now as you've got other stuff going on too, but if they are aware of it and you mention it regularly they may be willing to work with you on it.
Blood could be caused by many things, but is definitely worth mentioning. If you see what looks a bit like coffee grounds though then that is essentially an emergency and you NEED to get medical assistance.
I'm a semi-recovered bulimic, I say semi as I do still purge occasionally but I no longer really binge. Since I stopped binging and put on some weight it gas been hard to get the professionals to see it's an issue... so I can totally relate to your fears. However, its important to try, in part as the earlier this gets addressed the easier it will be on everyone...
I seem to recall something about you eating being mentioned when you were in hospital? Did anything ever come of that or was it never really mentioned again?
Do you know why you do it? Figuring out what tour mind in attempting to achieve from the action can really help with reducing doing it. Also something worth mentioning to the professionals, especially if its something that's interwoven with other stuff.
One thing that helps me is after eating I wash myself, mainly my hands and face, my purging is very wrapped up in a feeling of being contaminated - tricky to explain - so washing my skin can help. As can drinking VERY COLD water, not sure why...
And also have a rule that I cannot enter a room with a toilet for half an hour - by which time the urge has often passed
Thanks Hazel
I do get on well with my cpn so I could probably talk to her
My eating was mentioned in hospital but it was never mentioned again.
Apart from one member of staff who actually cared about it.
I'm just so desperate to lose weight. I HATE being this size. I can't bear it.
The staff who cared said it sounds like I may have body dysmorphia too because apparently I'm not as big as I think I am. But I think she just said that to make me feel better.
I'll give that a go.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Does it help at all to know that medically and scientifically, purging does not actually help with/ result in weight loss? It mainly just results in loss of fluids and electrolytes, which isn't actually weight loss at all.
eta: What's so horrible about being the weight/size you are currently? Legitimate question.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I don't really know.
And I know there's nothing wrong with being a bit bigger and I'm all for people being comfortable in themselves but I'm just really not comfortable in myself.
I feel like people stare at me all the time because of my weight and I struggle eating in front of people because I'm SURE they are thinking that I shouldn't be eating because I'm so huge.
Though I have been told that's not true and I don't look as big as I think I am. I wish I could believe that
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I don’t know what to say to help, but I really wanted to say something.
The society we have grown up in has conditioned us to believe that bigger = wrong when it’s just a fact (one I am still coming to terms with) that we are all designed to be different sizes. Our bodies are clever and know where they’re happiest weight wise and will fight to be there, despite our best efforts. And I guess the ideal is for us to be happy where our bodies are happy so we can live our best lives. But that’s easier said than done, especially with eating disorders when your default is restricting and purging. I think I’ve asked this before but would you be open to asking your GP or CMHT about getting a dietitian appointment?
You deserve help with this because you don’t deserve to suffer like this.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
****sake. The complete ignorance of eating disorders in the MH field is ASTOUNDING. They’re mental illnesses, why are these professionals so woefully under educated?
Her response was pathetic Beckie, pay it no attention. You deserve to be taken seriously because that’s what this is. SERIOUS. It’s affecting your health mental and physical and I wish I could make people see beyond bullshit diet culture because making yourself vomit after you eat is not healthy, telling somebody who is actively doing so and restricting to exercise more is not healthy. This is impacting your quality of life. You deserve help.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
It was beginning to kind of feel like they are encouraging me to carry on with it. Or like they are at least giving me permission to do it because they just aren't bothered.
I don't WANT to continue purging. It's horrible and I don't like it. But it feels more like a compulsion now.
Like I'm not comfortable having ANY amount of food in my stomach.
I'm worried about next week because I'm going away with my friend so will have to eat like a normal person and not purge.
Any tips?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
i would very much like to slap your CPN... i've had similar nosense said to me in the past, including a GP who tole me to exercise more rather than purge while I was suffering with a compulsion to over-exercise . They genuriely seemed to act like i was just overreacting, I can't understand why they can't see that this just feeds into the disorder
it is good that you DONT want to continue purging, I totally get the way it becomes a compulsion but the fact that you don't want to do it is a ver positive starting point.
do you feel discomfort with any food or just certain ones? How are you with things like soups or smoothies?
. They genuriely seemed to act like i was just overreacting, I can't understand why they can't see that this just feeds into the disorder