saying bad things about someone is relation to them hurting you doesn't make you a bad person. THEY hurt you, they may still care about you but that doesn't make what they did right.
And an age gap of 6 months doesn't make it not abuse, abuse is the misuse of power over another and things other than age give power and ability to manipulate
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Oh I know exactly how you feel.
I feel like I'm lying too, but I remember how uncomfortable I felt and how much I didn't want to do it... And some of the disturbing things she used to say to me.
I think it's because part of us still doesn't want to believe it happened, because it's such a harrowing experience, and it's something incredibly tough to cope with... Well that's how I feel it's affected me.
That's okay :) any time
*gives hugs to everyone* Rosa honey you're not saying bad things about your mom, you're just telling us facts that happened ok? And grown ups know that touching children isn't allowed, and even if she didn't it was clear you didn't like it and wanted her to stop. Admitting it was abuse and getting help for it doen't mean you don't love your mom, or that she's not nice to you other times.
For the both of you, it may feel like a lie sometimes, but remember that your feelings are real and what happened was real too. None of you are bad for telling, feeling scared, hurt, or angry. What was done was wrong, and not your fault. *hugs* Great job sharing everyone. :)
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
*hugs gently* It's always harder to understand with your heart than your mind. Do you have a therapist or anyone to talk to? This is really distressing you right now and you may need someone close to home to help. And of course we're here to give some love and listen if you need to get out some memories or things that are upsetting you.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
*hugs* Maybe bring things you've written for RYL to one of your therapists and that could start up a conversation about it.
And honey, many many people who were abused felt pleasure, but that's not your fault. When someone touches your private parts enough your body reacts with pleasure, just like your body reacts with pain when you get hit. It's not your fault, you didn't want it, like or or ask for it. That's just one of those things we can't control. It's not your fault, and liking that sensation, doesn't mean you liked the abuse. Okay?
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
Rosa, listen hunnie, this is not your fault you know that..it was your mom's fault for doing the bad things to you since you were little girl and it was right that you can remember from the bad past memories of your life.
Don't feel guilty hun, There is nothing to feel guilty as us here..I also thinks that your mom should feels guilty for what she did was wrong about touching your body parts wasn't that nice at all..She should have knows better than you do..It was your right of choice of making the right things to do but your mom wasn't right choice cause she did always wrong choice of raising a child like that..it is an abuse sign of sexual assaults..
You have to forgive yourself first but the hardest part is forgive your mom about that bad happened to you but you don't have to forgive your mom about it..just be yourself and believe in yourself always..I do forgive myself for not beating myself up or hurting myself cause I only do hurts myself because of him and seening them over there was the hardest things I ever done with him ever..I don't forgive him because he was really "stupid" for what he did to me and rest of the family like acting nothing happened like he couldn't remember it very much but last couple of months, he did was remember about me being there was HORRIBLE! I only did blame him for what he is worth it! Never was my fault ever! Self-harm wasn't my fault either because I got a feeling that never be same that I used to be but gotta deal with it everyday not just because I'm a bad person doesn't mean that hurts them very badly but for me, was hurting myself but not theirs..
Rosa honey you liked and wanted your mommy to be nice and gentle with you, and be physically close and say you're pretty and special and get you nice things, but you didn't want her to touch like that. All children want their mothers to hug and kiss and cuddle them, but in an apropriate way. And if that was the only time mom was nice and gentle with you? Well, you took what you could get. You wanted the gentle kindness, not the touches. While it's hard to differenciate sometimes, it's also separate with the physical pleasure. You like the sensation of sexual pleasure (as most people do), and maybe even liked the closeness with your mom at the time, as I stated earlier, but you still did not like when she was doing that to you.
As for forgiveness of mom....well right now I think you need your time to still understand this was abuse, was wrong, to be sad and even a little angry. You can consider the other stuff later. Forgiving yourself for feeling certain things during abuse is important though. You were just a child, even when you got to be a teenager you were young, and abuse can make you feel very little. Don't blame yourself, little ones are never to blame in these situations honey. *more hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
It's okay Rosa, this thread is for anyone who needs to talk, and if someone needs more attention at a certain time that's ok. :)
*hugs* It's hard to feel like a grown up when you've been made to feel so small most of your life. And most people who've been abused were taught some things differently than everyone else, and may be confused easier by social/emotional things or not understand what everyone else seems to. Don't feel ba or embarrased about it, that's not your fault either, it's just a result of what's happened to you honey. You can PM me and ask me things too if you want and you're not comfortable posting it on a board. Hope you're ok. *more hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
