tried contracts... they generally work for a bit. Though Sarah always refuses to sign them, and to be honest unless everyone agrees they seema bit wothless
Yeah this is what I'm thinking. I have some rules, but some of the them are less willing than others. Like Jasper likes to be a little bit naughty by having a hot chocolate or whatever, but he'd never cross the line too far. But some of them are more intent on self-destruction.
And if I'm completely honest, me the host is probably the most destructive part of us anyway.
guess I'm lucky in that way, noone is overly destructive... I mean Rachel ODs, Sarah purges and abuses laxatives, and Michelle picks fights with randomers... and Rachel, Sarah and Jenny all cut... but that's about as far as it goes... Rachel used to be suicidal, but she's been ok for a while now
Emily/ Emma - hope that things are better for you now and that you managed to keep the littles happy
Atomics - hope things are calm for you today.
**
I've had a good day. Very very switchy. Most of those up there are very excited about the folder and are very eager to express themselves. Went into town this morning with a huge shopping list and the new stuff has gone down very well. I'm a little worried that the switching will get out of hand, but at the moment it's mostly within the safety of my own room. I really need to change my password though so Jasper can't get on here lol.
It's funny, the more I switch, the more I doubt myself. I was thinking today... dissociative symptoms are often mistaken for schizophrenic symptoms, especially dissociative hallucinations. I was originally diagnosed with paranoid schiz and then they change it to DDNOS. So I was thinking - what if I am schiz and all the alters are some complicated delusion?
Hazel - eek that's not good... Looks like a trip to your local 24 hour is in order!
Labyrinth - For me I've only been aware of the switching for the past six months, maybe less than that. Before that it's just been blank spots, general zoning out, and lots of hearing voices and seeing things. My only "proof" that I'm not schiz is that APs have never improved the "psychosis".
**
Tonight I'm volunteering at a group for those with learning disabilities. No switching pleeeease.
Nope, was the third newly discovered one in two days... This is getting pretty exhausting. That was Becca. She's 12 (and a half) and she seems to have some kind of learning difficulties.
My mum saw I was spacey (though she didn't know it wasn't me) and as a result I didn't do the volunteering because I wasn't really in a position to be taking responsibility for others. And so it begins...
Thank you for the support guys. Yeah it's very frustrating. I've finally found something I really enjoy doing in life - the volunteering with people with learning disabilities - and I'm terrified that yet another attempt at rebuilding my life is going to come crashing down. And it really matters this time, because if worst came to worst and I got sectioned or arrested for stealing again my CRB is screwed. I know I'm catastrophising but it terrifies me. And yeah it is exhausting. It's very exciting as well, because I have never made so much progress with those upstairs before, and discovering three new alters is pretty good, it's just getting harder to fit my secret mental illness world into my new pretend-I'm-fine world. I've invited everyone to join me in hypnotherapy tomorrow. I'm not sure how my therapist is gonna take this lol but some of the littles seem quite eager. I think I've kept them quiet for too long they've got too much saved up to let out. Urgh and how many more of them is there gonna be?!
Who's Lucille?
Sorry you're so tired. Have a nice relaxing evening By the way, should I call you Shadow or Hazel? Just in case it's Sarah or someone?
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no dinner for us...
