We're doing ok. Got a blood test, there was something going wrong with us stomach wise, so we got an abdominal ultrasound which showed our liver was 'echogenic' which is common in obese people, and considering we aren't overweight was weird, so we got a blood test to check liver function. Hopefully that shows something helpful.
Mum took me shopping (not with her money, unfortunately :P) and i bought some 'age appropriate' clothes. We dress pretty casually, baggy jeans, T shirts, skate jeans and though we are 20, we barely pull off 17. So that was good. Spent more money than i ever have on clothes, but never buy clothes so was good. And a hair cut.
We got home with a lot less money, more clothes, less blood, less hair and less energy. I felt like we lost a lot more than we gained (giggle).
I'm still seeing my Cougar. Though with her working and us studying and without a liscence its hard to meet up. But it's good :)
Ash/ Lost Boys - sorry to hear about your stomach. I hope they can "fix" you easily and quickly. Yay for the new clothes!!
Atomics - hope things are calmer for you today.
Labyrinth - did you make sense of what happened? Hope you are ok.
Emma - hope things are ok for you today. That's really interesting that Emily told you that. There's nothing I find quite as relieving as when of my alters decides to explain things to me a bit!!
Hazel - how are things for you today?
**
Yesterday I "met" a new alter. She is called Bethany, is 7 years old and is very very shy. And she sucks her thumb all the time. So now that makes seven plus me... I'm getting a bit worried actually because things were really steady and calm in my mind for about a month after the ward over Christmas and now it's getting unstable again and switchy more and more often. Which is not good because I'm getting more committed into the volunteering I do - I don't mean time wise, I just mean that people know me. And I don't want these people to know all of the mes...
I'm feeling as if I'm in slow motion today it's odd...
I'm also worried as the male voice has returned... we call him HIM and he hasn't been about for over a year so I thought he was gone... he's nasty and scary :(
Quote:
I'm getting a bit worried actually because things were really steady and calm in my mind for about a month after the ward over Christmas and now it's getting unstable again and switchy more and more often.
maybe things are unstable because you are becoming more aware of the internal goiings on?
I'm in slo-mo today as well. I get it almost every Sunday afternoon. Just take it easy. I've found there's no point in fighting it, it just takes me further from reality.
Sorry to hear about the male voice. Not really sure what to suggest... Just try to tell anyone who can help - Jack or professionals or alters. And also try and prepare yourself for any way that he might hurt you or anything.
Yeah I think you might have a point about the awareness. Things didn't go quiet in the last month because there was no one else up there, more because I ignored everyone else and very deliberately kind of shut it all off, if that makes sense. Which was useful, especially what with relative-visiting over Christmas. But yeah it's like everyone has woken up and is stretching in my mind. That's ok, I don't really mind too much, it's just that I'm worried about switching in front of new acquaintances. And I'm worried about going downhill yet again and going into hospital yet again. Everything has followed the same pattern as my discharge in the summer, which would mean that I would be due for hospitalisation in about two months. And I don't know how to stop it
I find that if you give everyone and outlet, and maybe ever schedualed "out time" things are calmer, things get messy and chaotic if everyone is restrained
Yeah that's the problem. I try so hard to appear that I am recovering and am stable, because I feel I "owe" it to everyone who has supported me. Plus I have two younger brothers and I don't want them to be screwed up by me... The thing is that not everyone up there wants to be scheduled. Like, Jasper will pop out basically as soon as I have put on his favourite TV programme or got out the lego or whatever. But some of the others are much more destructive and unco-operative and I don't really know how to deal with them.
Yeah that's my problem. We don't have a structure or anything that works, for everyone to express themselves and have enough time "out". Not everyone wants to co-operate. So it's just pretty random. Sometimes I get warning signs, sometimes I don't. And it's a lot more worrying when I can't prepare in advance for it.
The other thing is that I am reticent about allowing time for everyone to be out, because I live with my family. I don't want to have a negative influence on my younger brothers. And my parents are rather undermining. By which I mean my mother... I mean she is supportive and everything, but there are certain things which she prefers to dismiss and be patronising about and pretend that I am making it up, or mimicking something I have read, or trying to have a drama to fit in with my friends... So it's hard for me to feel comfortable about letting everyone out when I know that we will be disturbed by my mother and her sarky comments.
Glad to hear that she is there for you. It's so important to have someone around who you trust who can be almost an intermediary!! My boyfriend is great for doing that, he's dealt with some pretty odd situations with alters. But I can only see him once a week at the moment, and like I said earlier my family are useless when it comes to alters.
That's a really good idea about the book. I'm thinking of trying that idea actually. I'm only in the early stages myself, but I would have thought that at the moment it's a good sign that you are switching more. The more you can get to know them, the more you can all work together and co-operate together.
I just had a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH. I'm feeling really pumped. Basically I wrote a message for the alters asking them to sign their name or write a message below for me, as I was feeling really switchy and could kind of feel them all bumbling about up there. And Jasper (4), Jasper (6), Bethany, Jessie, Frank, Holly, Jack and Red all wrote something. I can't believe it! Bethany is a newly discovered one and I have never heard of Red before. Wooo
I'm still feeling on a total high. This is the most kind of organised things have ever been. I'm also confused about the "new" ones and wondering how many more there are that I haven't discovered yet... But hey this is massive progress for me. I wish I could tell someone but I didn't think that announcing "Hey guys, I managed to get all of my known alters to sign their names today!" would be suitable for the family dinner table lol.
Hope you are doing ok lately Labyrinth and that the headaches aren't too bad xx
Labyrinth, wow 18 is a lot!! How many come out in kind of day to day life if you see what I mean? Hope the headaches ease off soon.
Hazel that's pretty cool! I might leave something out actually for them to stumble into and write in... I think that I have been switching to some of the more "similar" alters without realising. I'm just trying to work out the best way of doing this without it being noticeable to my family if they come in my room, but being noticeable enough for the alters to see! I find it endlessly fascinating how alters have different handwriting. I know it's kind of an obvious thing, but I find it interesting anyway. How many of you are there that you know of nowadays?
I'm not even sure lol. The names in my signature are the ones that are around the most, but apparently there are at least 3 more that I know nothing about but Michelle and Jess have referred to in the past
I think that's the thing that freaks me out the most - the not knowing. Ah well, I guess they will show themselves in time. And I've got more than enough on my plate trying to get to know the ones who I do know about. That's interesting that all of those in your signature are female by the way. Around half of mine are male. Which is a bit inconvenient when trying to explain things to people who don't really get it.
![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
it's odd...
