Yeah I know what you mean. It's hard when you have more time and you feel a bit at a loss so you eat and then you're overcome with guilt and everything. It's a really horrible way to have to live. A lot of anorexics do have a bulimic phase. Personally I was diagnosed with "anorexia nervosa with purging aspect", because I do the purging stuff but my binges I guess aren't really what a "normal" person would call a binge, and I'm still pretty obsessed with restricting. But it's understandable to turn to food but not quite be able to overcome those guilty feelings. Keep fighting it sweetie. The more you fight, the easier it will become.
And yeah I should get rid of them... I keep telling myself I will... It's just that the self-destructive part of me is delighted to have a new way to make my life miserable. The only person I have told in "real life" is my care worker. So it's like my little secret that I'm hugging to myself as a way of coping with things... I don't know, it's so stupid the whole thing. And I think it's also a way of punishing myself to try and cancel out the guilt feelings to do with food. Urgh.
Labyrinth hope that you are feeling better today and that you had a good night's sleep.
Hazel I have heard that headaches are a common symptom of DID. I'm not sure why I haven't really looked into it but I remember seeing it on a list of symptoms.
I'm doing ok so far today. My boyfriend is coming over this afternoon so just trying really hard to keep myself grounded. Hope everyone has a good day today xx
Emma - hoping that you are ok and that there are people around who can support you if needs be.
Hazel - I pretty much doubt all of my memories. I have always been a spacey kind of a person and I don't have many clear memories. And the memories I do have could quite possibly be something I imagined, or dreamt, or thought about whilst doing something else. It's really frustrating especially at the moment when I'm trying to remember things.
Have you got any diaries you could look through from the time of your unsure memories? I find that always helps me a hell of a lot to find things confirmed in writing.
yeah i doubt my memories. it doesn't help when people tend to try and tell me i'm paranoid or i'm remembering something wrong because they want to manipulate me. plus things just don't make sense and i can't tell if i remember something that didn't happen or don't remember something that did. it's very frustrating.
After something my homeopath said this morning, I'm trying to properly and accurately conceptualise what's going on with me.
I mean, I know I don't have DID. I have Complex PTSD.
I don't have DID, my psyche is just more split than the 'average bear'. :P
My shadow became intensified due to abuse and emotional neglect.
Many of my childhood needs went unfulfilled due to the same, and those needs, that needy emotional state remains there, frozen, added onto with unmet adult emotional needs.
I guess I'm just a bit more defended than the 'average bear' too!
I know things that my shadow and my child state do not, or can't accept.
I haven't been diagnosed with DID either, I am technically suffering from DDNOS. I'm not really sure why to be honest. My psych on the ward said that I don't have full blown DID as my alters are aware of each other... Anyone able to make more sense of that than I can?
My psych on the ward said that I don't have full blown DID as my alters are aware of each other
:/ I've never heard that before...
The diagnostic criteria in section 300.14 (dissociative disorders) of the DSM-IV are:
The presence of two or more distinct identity or personality states, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self.
At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person's behavior.
Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.
The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance
Some in our system can communicate, others cannot. Jess can communicate with everyone (or everyonne I'm aware of anyway...) but some of the others can't... I can't dirrectly communicate with Sarah or Michelle, for example, I knwo they are there and I can feel them but if I wish to speak with them I have to relay it through someone else or leave a note for them
She says I'm making them up to avoid the real issues. =/
heard that one too...
had "professionals" tell me to "go home and work on you're act, you're nt fooling anyone" and "ok, I'll be frank with you. Multiples personalities are not real, I'm not sure what's going on with you but it's NOT that" and the worst one: "next time you FAKE a disorder make sure it's a real one"
We are returning to study this year, finishing VCE/yr 12. We've sort of worked out what uni course we want to do as well.
We're feeling anxious though, and we have our psych appt for an hour at 11-12 then class at 1pm.
We haven't got our liscense yet (still getting our hours up), so to get to our psych appt and then class we have to get up at 6 am catch a lift with the rents, kill a few hours till 11 for the appt, then class until 4:45 then home around5-6 depending on traffic...big days...
It feels like at the moment we have a kind of equilibrium, things are mostly calm, a bit crazy a couple of nights ago (full moon issues) but nothing drastic. So apart from some anxiety and a little lost time we're doing pretty well. Apart from being SO tired all the time.
Oh and I think banana's psych was referring to awareness as co-consciousness, because if alters have co-consciousness, it eliminates the time loss (which is a big part of distinguishing full-blown DID), therefore the diagnosis of DID is off the table and replaced with DDNOS.
I'm back from Birmingham. Partner has been so, so, so supportive and understanding and I'm so grateful for that.
Went better than expected, was very lovely, but my two feet are strongly planted in the start of a depressive episode. No longer detached/dissociated, my sleep schedule's back to normal, and I'm definitely not pregnant though. (:
As I'm a bit short of time ATM, I will tell you about it later.
*leaves more hugs and cuddles*
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
Ash and Lost Boys - glad that things are more stable for you at the moment. I hope that the anxiety eases. Thank you for your input about the DID/ DDNOS thing. The thing is that I do have lost time though... I don't know. I don't really understand it all to be honest. Sometimes an alter takes over and I can't communicate with them or anything. I have to leave notes around for them. Sometimes it's like the alter has their foot in the door and it's kind of half me, half them. And sometimes it's like I have become one of the voices in my head and one of the voices has become me. My psych said that because I was able to tell him some of the things that happen when I have switched it means that I don't have DID. I find that when I dissociate I am able to remember things that happened when I was previously in a dissociative state. And I can piece together what the alters have done from possessions etc. I don't know.
Sorry to hear about everyone's experiences with psychs. Hazel I'm shocked at them saying that to you! Some psychs don't seem to count DID or DDNOS as a disorder. My first psych diagnosed me with paranoid schiz as he thought of it all as psychoses and delusions. I was also diagnosed with BPD. It seems to be the kind of "fashionable" thing to diagnose at the moment as almost everyone I've been in psych wards with has had a diagnosis of BPD.
Annie - I'm so glad that you had a good time with your partner. Is there anything you can do to stop the progress of the depression?
**
I'm feeling a bit all over the place and confused right now because I had hypnotherapy this morning. I won't go into detail as I made a thread about it in Serious. I just want to scream and break things right now.
Usually when my mood swings start it's a trip downwards. Originally I thought it was going to be mania (I was very nervous, not sleeping, pacing a lot, very irritable) but after a drink (and really, I mean it, ONE drink) grief and sadness surfaced to the top and I've been progressing from sad, to downright depressed.
However, I can lessen the impact - sleeping well, eating well, yoga, the like. It's kind of hard to pull myself through, though, since I don't take any sort of medication but I can cope rather well.
*cuddles and hugs Hannah*
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
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