*hugs for Labyrinth* Care to fill us in? Are you safe sweetie?
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
Yeah you're really right there. I might be better off putting it in a letter, because I get so anxious that I literally can't speak and then it splurges out in offensive ways lol, but then I don't want to make a big deal out of it. I think the best way is for me to wait until she makes one of these comments again and just pluck up my courage and tell her that it just isn't OK and how destructive it is to me. Because normally I just stay quiet and accept it and I shouldn't do that.
Urgh ED I'm so f**king sick of it. I made a thread in the ED forum about it actually so I won't go on about it too much here... I'm just feeling really out of control and fat and greedy and I hate hate hate it. I desperately need some support with it because I'm getting more and more self-destructive. I just miss the total restriction but it's not really possible at home in the same way... I guess my ED is in the number one problem spot at the moment for me.
In a min I'm off to boxercise which I absolutely love. A bit of boxing to get the anger out and a bit of aerobics to make me thin!
Thanks about the signature. Do you mean the obsessive bit or the bit in Spanish? The obsessive bit I just got from Google I think. The Spanish is some lyrics of a song by Manu Chao, you heard of him?
Ohhhh!! Manu Chao!! Yeah, we love the music! It's why it rung a bell ... do you just speak Spanish, or are you Spanish/Latin American?
We'll be here to tempt you with cupcakes after you come back from your boxercise. And hugs, loads of hugs. We're not properly anorexic but we do have disordered eating that gets worse during episodes. Very bad years ago during drug addiction. Other story for other time; but feel free to vent about it to us if you feel like it.
Thank YOU for the advice and comfort. (: See you soon!!
xx
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
whoa, I go to another site to do some stuff, come back and there are TONS of posts lol
boxercise sounds interesting.
eating is an odd thing for us... I used to be anorexic but not now, Sarah however is still very much in the anorexic mindset and does everything in her power to prevent us from eating... or to force us to purge... it's infuriating at times... though guess I can't say much as I've been a bit relapsy for a while now, just trying to ignore it... which is possibly bad
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
we let the little ones watch cartoons to see if it would help them calm down
we found a downlode of the Princess and the frog they liked it but there are some scary bits in it
I downloaded a film called "spirit stallion of the cimarron" for the little ones last week. They really liked it, also bought the Ice Age trillogy lol, having little ones inside is a great excuse to buy films aimed at children (I love ice age)
never heard of the princess and the frog... I think you can get CBBC programmes on i-player though, maybe you can find something for them with no scary bits there?
I'm always buying colouring books for hattie. she lloves to colour x
also there's a song by flyeaf called 'tiny heart' that she loves and likes it when I play it so that's what I've nicknamed her
Last edited by Pnuemonia[Blue] : 29-01-2010 at 02:27 AM.
Reason: added
Head is loads less fuzzy. I feel more like only Annie, less like a crowd. Nice feeling.
Today I, Anna, (almost) life-long pescetarian/vegetarian/vegan, ate a ****ing McDonald's burger. And it was delish.
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
Annie - yeah I love Manu Chao!! I speak Spanish - I'm English I also speak German and French. I'm a total geek at heart! I know what you mean about disordered eating that gets worse. How is your eating at the moment?
Hazel - Sounds very complicated having to juggle your own eating, Sarah's eating and the others' too. All of my alters actually are pretty normal about eating so I know if I'm more myself if I am more anorexic. So it's quite upsetting when I'm switching a lot and therefore eating more - like the 4 year old lurrrves hot chocolate and stuff, and then when I'm me it's pretty devastating. Are you having to purge a lot at the moment?
Labyrinth - hope that things are calmer and less angry for you today?
Atomics - how are you doing today? Are the little ones calmer?
Emma - how are you doing today?
**
I have loads of lego, toys, cartoons and magazines and cartoons DVDs for my little ones. They absolutely love it and it's a nice excuse to buy that kind of stuff. When I was Jasper pretty much constantly for a few weeks (he's the four year old) I accrued loads of stuff. He'd just run around in toy shops and get stuff lol. I'm so grateful that the shop assistants were so kind and tolerant because Jasper is a bit of a handful!!
I've had an ok day today. Kept quite busy and my eating has been soo much better, I've managed to resist the cravings so far so feeling a lot less guilty. Hoping that I can stay focused and in touch with reality tomorrow as my boyfriend is coming round and I reeeeally want to spend some time with him and not be all crappy and vacant.
Jess (5 year old) loves hot chocolate too lol, we have some fudge hot chocolate for her.
Been purging far too much recsently... between Sarah and myself I think we've damaged the throat a little doesn't help that Michelle is a fitness freak and loves to exercise either, but she normally makes sure we eat (even if it is mainly fruit and healthy stuffs), so I guess it all sort of levels out... Jack (boyfriend) is very good at guilting me into eating at dinner time too lol, which is good in some ways, but a bit irritating and frustrating in others...
It's goos that your eating has been better :) and I hope that you are ok tomorrow for seeing your boyfrend :)
Feel so disconnected from my body..my legs don't feel like they belong to me, face feels numb. I would rather just black out if this is a step toward co-consciousness. I'm supposed to see a friend today and I do'nt want to feel all weird and have her notice and freak out.
Hazel that's not good that you've been purging so much. Are you getting any support for the ED side of things? That's good that Michelle helps to balance things out. I know what you mean about it being annoying being guilted into eating, but Jack's just showing he cares. Hope your throat heals up soon. It's quite good I haven't purged today, my throat was getting pretty bad. I just took yet more laxatives though whyyyyyyyyy.
Facet whether you decide to see your friend or not I hope that you get through the day ok. I hate the feeling of being disconnected from my body. But just take it easy and try not to stress yourself about it. It will pass
nope... professional types think I am "recovered" ED wise I've tried to tell them I'm not but they don't listen :/
I really shouldn't purge... I already have a iffy heart due to purging, and my eosophagus is damaged from a stupid insident a few years ago (I drunk some chemicals in some odd attempt to be clean...) so all in all purging bad plan
Urgh the professionals can be so stupid now. Keep trying to get help though dear. They should be aware that there is a risk of relapse and they should be prepared to help you with that.
Eeeek that's not good. Are you purging frequently at the moment?
Yeah laxatives = bad plan but I can't stay away from them. Particularly stupid of me as my boyfriend's coming tomorrow and I don't want to be in the toilet the whole time. I haven't even told him yet :-S Normally I tell him everything. But I feel too ashamed about this...
could you get rid of the laxatives? flush them down the toilet or something? (I did that once with diet pills lol)
I've been purging more rescently... but that's because as I've left uni and Jack is doing his thesis (9-5 in a lab) so I'm alone all day everyday, and I've sort of started eating a lot more, sort of like comfort eating... and then I panic (or Sarah panics, or both) and end up purging... Jack theory is that I've recovered from anorexia and now am becoming bulimic but I'm not sure
![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
doesn't help that Michelle is a fitness freak and loves to exercise either, but she normally makes sure we eat (even if it is mainly fruit and healthy stuffs), so I guess it all sort of levels out... Jack (boyfriend) is very good at guilting me into eating at dinner time too lol, which is good in some ways, but a bit irritating and frustrating in others...
