well, my professionals have known since i was 7 that i self harm, it got very severe for a few years, & i was sectioned after my fourth overdose, then i got released after 28 days(section 2), & then i carried on overdosing (dozens of times), and cutting quite deeply/severely, and although they were keeping an eye on me, i was still doing it, they didn't make me stop, even though i was doing it to a point of nearly killing myself, though that was my experience.
i think theyll be worried if you are doing it and try to talk to you but im not sure how theyll react. i understand needing your own space, needing your room(mines like a sanctuary for me, i feel safe in my room) but they may check up on you and see how you are doing and if you need any support, dont you want that?
the downside is they may hide all the objects that may cause you to harm yourself with, but in reality, thats an upside, you cant keep self harming y'no? its so dangerous and it doesnt help and its not a way to cope, it can get pretty dangerous and serious.
they cant force you to give up self harming, that's a choice you need to make for yourself.
people may not react calmly, but they will care & theyll try to support you more. i think you need that right now...?
& a hug would be nice, thankyou.
im struggling quite a lot with things right now, top on list is OCD, my emotional dysregulation, BPD and DPD symptoms(i suffer from them all and im not gonna self diagnose, im just saying i suffer from all the symptoms & the symptoms are affecting me & my life severely right now),
struggling with coping with my family (abuse/neglect/alcoholism etc)
& ive lost someone who was like a dad to me for so long(i was co dependent on him, hence struggling badly right now with the dpd symptoms),
& i feel like killing myself because of that & everything else going on.
eating disorder is so loud,
struggling to not take my narcotics to escape,
and im tempted to drink but im gonna keep fighting that urge...
tempted to cut, but im gonna keep fighting that urge too, despite how strong it is lately...
ive been doing well with not cutting / overdosing & not drinking too. so im gonna keep trying to fight those urges.
i feel empty, alone, cold & dead inside.
at the same time, i feel so desperate & hurt & upset & frustrated & not sure what to do at all.
hate this stupid mental health.
im now on Zoloft 50mg for my OCD but I started it on Monday so it takes like 3 weeks to actually work with the OCD. i seriously hope it does. i need some sort of break.
I see my psychiatrist on Monday & till then, Im going to try and get the energy to write a letter about everything(i have communication problems so its hard for me to talk , so what i do is type up a letter, bring my laptop with me to the appointment, she reads it and we go from there.) and see what happens with that, because im struggling so much right now and i need help with it, i feel myself edging on doing something really stupid... and im pretty scared and feeling really insecure/vulnerable... ;(
wish me luck with the letter & appointment please?
edit:
On a side note I have an appointment with a pediatrician on 25th to confirm my M.E diagnosis, so I hope something will finally be done about this, ive been waiting for a little over a year now to get my health sorted out, & finally it will be i hope, wish me luck with that too!!! ill let you all know what happens if you want. x
I think it's more likely that they just went to bed!
:)
Zoloft was brilliant in helping with my OCD so hopefully it will work for you too :)
I hope your appointment with the pediatrician goes well *crosses fingers*
I'm currently writing a letter to my psych too :D
Ugh.Feel ****.No therapy today because of the bloody snow!!And I needed it so badly.She's given me her mobile number to use in an emergency but talking on the phone is so different to face to face.Especially as I'm in DBT so all phone contact is to encourage me to use my skills, whereas face to face I can have a proper talk with her and she doesnt just try to shove skills down my throat.ARGH.
Oh, I'm not sure if I've posted here before.Think I might have.Hi :) I'm Megan and I guess I should be using the BPD thread but I have OCD and stuff too so.Here I am.
& I hope the Zoloft helps my OCD, it's so severe & I need it to stop being so loud & distressful.
&thank you for the luck.
&welcome.<3
We're different on the whole you find it easier to commucation face to face, it's why I type up letters, 'cuz I find it very difficult to communication face to face(&also on the phone too) so letters is a way for me to express everything going on, how I feel, what's going through my mind, etc.
It's a shame the snow has prevented you from seeing your therapist, I love the snow but I know it can cause a lot of disruptions. I hope another appointment can be arranged soon for you, & that the phone will be enough to help you get through until then.
Pup, I'm glad that you're back & posting on the thread. Don't feel bad about posting, please!! You're a valuable part of the thread - every one of you are - and the more people we have posting, the better. Also, that way, there are more people to support & help support. So it could get pretty awesome. :)
Hi Megan. *hugs* Welcome to the thread. :) I'm April.
I will be leaving from my friend/personal trainer's house tomorrow morning relatively early... so I will have more computer time - and a more accessible computer (this computer is in his bedroom >_< not awful as we - husband, me, his daughters, friends, etc., all hang out in here, but still, it feels a little awkward). It will be nice to be home although I am glad that we came down. It's been a good getaway and now I know what exercise regimen we'll be going through. :) I really hope I start losing my extra pudge soon... it ought to be easier to love myself if I am a little more fit. >_<
*sigh*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
gahhh I can't take this anymore
I feel so suicidal, empty, fragile, vulnerable, shattered,broken inside, exhausted, lonely & numb but at the same time want to cry but can't cometo terms with any of this can't believe this is happening...
they wont get better...
not with whats happened...
&yeah tamb
i have appt with psychiatrist in 2 hrs...
gonna ask for some meds to help calm my ocd anxiety down...
its so bad...
cant take it.
on zoloft but waiting for it to actually work...
which will take weeks.
So, I saw her.
She's increasing my Zoloft by 25mg for this week, & then 50mg more for next week.
& by then, I'll be up to 100mg.
She said it should make the anxiety be instantly relieved.
But I don't think I've experienced that?
I told her my OCD has been getting worse, & she said it takes up to 3-4 weeks to act.
& she's faxed over to my GP another medication that's better than diazepam & can help for instant relief of my anxiety but to only use it when I need it & to try & not take it at the same time as the Zoloft.
& I got more tramadol too.
(for my pain)
& We talked about how suicidal I've been, & about the courses I could be doing online soon... & about staying strong & to stay strong with the Zoloft until she comes back.
(She's going away for 2 weeks.)
& she also said that OCD seems to be the more dominant mental illness in my life right now, so she said when that's more settled, we'll work on other stuff.
(I'm also going to be typing up a letter over the next 2 weeks for her, as a lot of things are distressing me quite severely right now, & OCD isn't the only dominant thing going on.)
&she praised me for eating & drinking my milk like she said last year when I saw her.
(We had a few months of not seeing her as, how she puts it, I "fired" her.)
&she said "so you don't completely ignore what I say then?"
I'm pretty exhausted right now, so I will add more about what happened when I feel more up to it... but that's mostly it I think...?
If I remember anything else, I'll post it.
Pup, so glad that your pdoc appt went okay. Hopefully the Zoloft kicks in and starts working... can't imagine how difficult it must be to deal with OCD. I have a few OCD tendencies but nowhere near enough to be diagnosed. *cuddles* How are you feeling today?
Sure, Tamobhuuta, you're welcome to be here. :) Some people here don't have diagnoses, others do - it doesn't really matter. It's just a place for people with mental health problems to hang out, get to know each other, have support, etc., etc. :) How're you doing?
I'm meh. Really tired, kind of sore from the workouts that we've been doing, and really sick of my mood going up & down and down & up and up & down and down & up, you get the picture. It was REALLY bad at Vince's house... :-X
*cuddles everyone*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I just got off the phone with the benefits people I hate having to admit how much these stupid disorders limit my life... that and I had to explain what DID was to the guy, not fun
Bad Day :'(
I went to college(which should have been a positive thing seeing as i've just gone back after being in hospital for 3 months) and i thought it went well, for a few hours I thought it was fantastic, i was on top of the world!
I then had to have a little meeting with my tutor and mum(she works there so its easy for her to be involved)
So.My tutor said I had acted in a very worrying way (i was pacing a bit and moving a lot and talking a lot), I explained to him that that was me being fine!and happy!But he just said 'it was very worrying' 'i've got to think about other people in the class too'
And I've been taken off my national diploma course and have to do national award, which is terrible because it means I won't even have enough UCAS points to go to uni at the end of the 2 years, so what's the point in me even going to college!?
Think I'm crashing, big time.
And I have therapy tomorrow morning which is worrying because I'll have to confess how 'naughty' i've been over the past 2 weeks.
Ugh.
Sorry, should probably have posted this in my R&V thread.
Don't worry about the UCAS points, I know it's hard to hear now, but you've got plenty of time to get those points in the bag. I'm almost 23 and still haven't been to Uni. I went through two years of A levels too and didn't end up with a single A level. It might just take you an extra year but in a way it's good because you'll get even more prepared for how to approach Uni and will hopefully feel more stable to do it. Slow and steady wins the race!
It doesn't seem fair that your tutor said it was worrying that you were pacing a little and talking a lot, sometimes nervous energy encourages us to do these things. Maybe your tutor's just feeling a bit over-cautious since you've just got out of hospital. Maybe just keep an eye on how things are until you've settled back in a bit?
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I hate having to admit how much these stupid disorders limit my life... that and I had to explain what DID was to the guy, not fun 