Took a trip to the neighborhood where it all happened today. Friend came with me. Feel empowered, validated, and there is a feeling of accomplishment inside. I did not lose time and did not get out of the car, we made a contract. I think they feel satisfied though.
davengenzz,
It's difficult for us to answer your question, because we don't know what your diagnosis is.
We have DID and yes we have communication with some of our alters, but not all. Those of us who can; quite often to speak to our Ash (host/front man).
Sorry if that was an unhelpful reply, but...
but like we said, without knowing your diagnosis and experience of dissociation, we weren't quite sure what you were asking.
Sorry if that was confusing.
Facet, We are SO glad you had such a validating and empowered experience returning to the area. You said there was a feeling of accomplishment inside, well done to you all! what a Huge achievement! We're really proud of you all! Take care of yourselves.
Lostboys
Lostboys, welcome back; we're glad hospital was a constructive experience and hope that your healing continues now you're back home.
DaVengenzz, we have relatively good communication with each other, and whoever's fronting can usually hear the internal dialogue that's going on. But we also have a little notebook for people to write stuff down in, just in case they don't want to say it. Do your 'others' talk to you?
Facet, that sounds so positive, we're really happy that the visit worked out well for you.
We're struggling quite a bit... it's that time of the year again, plus time of the month again, extra pressure from exams and assessments at uni, and no counselling means that we're not coping too well. Just going from day to day right now, and I'm (Shadow) feeling so tired all the time and wanting to sleep practically all day.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
DaVengenzz - thanks for the offer that's really kind of you. The notebook thing works quite well for us, once I got used to having someone else control my arm to write stuff when they wanted to, so I hope that helps you guys.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I posted this in the A&B forum too, but it's such a big thing to do with all of us inside that I wanted to put it here to let us remember that there are people that are accepting of us.
I went to see my programme leader at uni today and it was surprisingly a really positive experience.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : length
I first tried to knock on his office door, and ended up standing there for about five minutes frozen in place while panicking. Then he turned up behind me and said hi and asked me to come back in 15 minutes as he had someone else due to turn up five minutes later. So I went and had a panic attack that lasted about 20 minutes and nearly didn't go back to talk to him.
But I'm really glad I did. He saw I wasn't feeling great, took me to get a cup of tea, gave me time to do some breathing exercises and grounding to keep my panic under control and let me talk at my own pace. So I told him about the 'others', about the counselling crap that's been going on recently, about the possibly getting a diagnosis of DID soon, about the problems I have with specific triggers at uni which cause me to lose time and miss parts of my lectures, and about how scared and stressed I am at the moment. And he offered to give me a dictaphone of his (but we couldn't find it), said if I needed anyone to talk to my lecturers and explain things that he'd be happy to do that for me, and that if I needed anyone to speak up for me regarding other things (disibility services, etc.) he'd do that too.
He was really sweet, and spent over an hour and a half talking to me, reassuring me that things were okay and offering to help me with everything. Now it feels all warm and happy inside, and I'm just... overwhelmed that anyone would want to do that for me. It's a nice feeling, just not very familiar.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Just realised today that Katrina was there most of the time of my final teaching practice, because I was so out of my depth and lonely. Double the struggle. It's still a miracle I passed.
Been out for lunch with my parents today. All of us seemed to be feeling low and down, and distracted. Or maybe it was just me trying to hold back Katrina and co. Hmm.
I'm numb, shaking, sick and terrified, and I have no idea why. Feel like throwing up if I do anything more than breathe.There's shouting in my head, chaos insystem. I can't think of anything that triggered it except that this time of year is the... 'usual' time that the worse stuff would happen and we're stressing about our presentation on rape myths friday morning and failing an exam yesterday. I want to hurt. I want to cut. I want to bleed again. I keep going over in my mind the tools I have and where they all are in the flat, but I don't want to hurt my girlfriend by SIing.
So much for feeling better for a day. *sigh*
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Hey everyone.
It's our birthday today..... It has been ok, we've held up good today. Had a few panics - just excused ourselves...
Scath,
We're thinking of you. We can relate to anniversary-type stuff around this time, and we empathize. Friday morning sounds pretty full-on, stay strong. Do you have any extra supports you can pull, from uni or something to help you through?
Katie,
It's quite a discovery, how do you feel knowing there was a lot of Katrina's presence? I (as fronter.host) am having a lot of similar experiences, as i learn more about the system, and just get more "together" in myself. It's a strange feeling...
It's so werid when they all vanish... We hope that you are not aone for too long labyrinth
today (well, yesterday now) we had our final session with our psych... our 4th psych in a year... she said that she doesn't want to refer us, but it's out of her hands.
It was awful :( the littles got so upset and said she was abandoning us, we're finding it hard to reasure them
My boyfriends mum and step-dad are here today... it's not fun trying to hide all my "abnormalities" from them esspecially since Michelle is very riled up at the moment so finding her hard to keep under control
Hazel, we feel for you and the littles... it does feel a lot like the psych is just abandoning you and that can hurt everybody insystem, but in the long run we hope this referral helps you all. Good luck with your boyfriend's parents too. Keeping you in our thoughts xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Hey guys, hope you are all doing ok at the moment. Sending you all my love and care.
Things went really downhill and I've been back in the ward for the past three weeks. Should get discharged on Monday though which is good. I'm switching less at the moment which is relief, especially as Frank and Holly got me bloody arrested last week.
esspecially since Michelle is very riled up at the moment so finding her hard to keep under control![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
