Katie, it was because I'm in a really bad place at the moment around flashbacks and things and my psychologist was off sick today, which they told me at the day unit. I ended up curled up under a chair which is really unlike me. I also said some things that, now I've come "back" I really regret. Things I should never tell. I don't know how I can face them tomorrow because I think a lot of people know now. Dissociating was the only way I could cope without "flipping out" so badly I ended up being admitted to the ward again.
It was a bit funny because at the end of the day I fell onto a coffee table and now three boxes of tissues have my buttprint in :S
Labyrinth, we hope you're finding Egypt interesting. And that sounds like a good dream to have - have you ever met any of the others like that?
Whirlpools - we're keeping you in our thoughts, and hoping you're feeling more calm and safe now.
BB, sending you positive vibes and *hugs* if you want them. We hope tings are going well in hosptal and that you all make the progress you're wanting. Good luck.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I was wondering if anyone had any experiences with driving and dissociating, more specifically with hitting things....
Before I went on meds I use to dissociate a lot and when it was at it's worst I've on a couple ocassions have run over planters/curbs while turning (have the left/right two wheels on it and the others on the street so I wasn't 100% off), but I know how to drive so that's not an issue and the inpact has 'brought' me back. Luckily I haven't hurt anyone!
I haven't dissociated much recently and if I have it's been very brief.
*gets to the point* Last week I noticed my car was damaged, had scratches on the front left side of the bumper as if I was hit from someone turning and the bumper's falling off a bit. I do not remember hitting anything. It is possible my car was hit while parked (not likely as it's been parked side my side to other cars so front left side would be hard to hit) but maybe I drove and hit something without knowing/remembering??? Has anyone done or have heard of something like this happening?
Thanks, wishing you all well
Every time you get up and get back in the race,
One more small piece of you starts
To fall into place
Dissociating while driving is very common, have you heard of highway hypnosis? It's where, as you are driving, you forget how far you've come, or aren't quite sure how you ended up at your destination....
Do you know why you are dissociating? Is it mainly when you are driving?
There are lots of techniques to help manage dissociation; grounding, mindfulness etc.
We're still in hospital, it is going ok, we've all stayed safe, and we're doing some really hard work with our T. But all of it is contributing to being SO tired, yet not sleeping and it's killing us. It's 8:56am, (they get us up between 8-9) and I'm just wrecked, can think of nothing better than going back to bed and ACTUALLY sleeping. All this crazy internal stuff is wearing us out...
We've got sleep meds but they only help spontaneously, we think it's to do with the medication being distributed between alters that are close to the surface... anyhow gotta go to group...
Take care all
I'm glad you're all safe and are working hard. Have you told the doctor about your sleep meds not working/being distributed?
I've heard of highway hypnosis and not remembering how you got somewhere but I haven't heard of anyone hitting anything while driving/dissociating.
I dissociated because that's how I was able to deal with things/trauma when I was younger and it just stuck around but went away for the most part this last year. The only time I know I've dissociated in the past year has been in therapy. I haven't ended up anywhere driving not having remembered how I got there so I find this car damage very strage. I don't know of the grounding techniques but I know of mindfulness.
Thanks, take care
Every time you get up and get back in the race,
One more small piece of you starts
To fall into place
We're not driving yet, we've had 4 or 5 lessons, but as a part of DID we've found ourselves in all sorts of places, with all sorts of damages to ourself and our belongings. So we've had similar experiences.
Are you more stressed out than usual?
Cause like a lot of things, dissociation becomes more severe when you are under stress - because at it's root it's a stress response.
Perhaps when you had parked the car to go to the shops or somewhere, someone hit your car while it was parked? That happens often, and they aren't likely to stick around and get your insurance details.
But yeah it is possible you don't remember hitting something, but very unlikely.
We had group today, and it was very slow. No one was talking.
The topic was Guilt and we piped up.
I remember saying the words, though not knowing them till I'd said them.
They were:
'I feel guilty about a lot of things that happened in the past. I blamed myself, said I was bad; that's why bad things were happening. 'Cause if it was the fault of the people looking after me, how would I handle that? Knowing that the people around me were dangerous and doing bad things? Believing it was my fault gave me hope that if I changed, then things could get better.
It really surprised me, hearing those words; even more them coming from my mouth, and they make so much sense. If only it was that easy to apply them....
Anyway, just some thoughts.
I used to (like 6 years ago) have an ED, but for the last 4 years bar a phobia of processed ffood, preservatives and stuff been ok with eating... but one of my alters formed at a time when it was REALLY bad and she still has the mindset... she's been trying to prevent everyone else from eating for a while but never properly suceeded, but now it's starting to filter through...
not sure what to do...
has anyone else ever experianced the actions of one being "damaging" to the system as a whle before? if so, how did you get past it?
Hazel: do you think that you could tell your psych and see what she says? does she have experience with people who have DID, because maybe she would know of good ways to try and control it to stop it damaging the body.
Labyrinth: does it feel good to remember the good days, or does it make you feel sad? i hope it makes you feel positive to remember them. i just put up photos and bits and peices of things that ive collected over the years up on my wall, and its all the happy stuff that ive done to try and remind myself.
BB: thats really good you managed to talk in group today. i hate group; i never speak, and we're not even allowed to talk about 'bad things' so i cant imagine trying to actually speak infront of other people about that. welldone : ). and yeah, maybe you could talk to your doctor about the sleeping tablets. i think you just have to keep going back and saying its not working until you find the one that is right for you.
Ive been feeling dizzy alot of the time. I dont like it at all. Its like i cant focus on anything mentally or physically, and i have to try and bring myself back to reality. ive noticed that recently ive been laughing and joking alot more, but i actually feel worse i think. i feel very stressed out. im meeting someone from the police this week to ask questions about the possibility of making a statement and reporting 'the person'. theres no pressure to actually make a statement, but its still quite scary even imagining doing it.
hopefully i will feel less stressed soon, because i hate all these dizzy spells and feeling weird alot of the time.
Of course! Thats what makes it a disorder, if it weren't for behaviours like self-harm, alocohol drugs and eating issues (also self harm) we wouldn't be considered disordered.
The best thing you can do is work with her, ask her about why she doesn't want to eat, and why she doesn't want others to eat, if it is causing other parts a lot of distress, remind her that it is impacting the system and making it harder for everyone, so perhaps she could express herself in other ways now.
Headrush
We have strongly conditioned 'don't tell' rules inside -instilled in terrible ways by people who hurt us, so can relate so much to not being able to talk about bad stuff.
There is a big battle going on inside at the moment, T says about 'Liberty' and individual rights, people not letting other parts talk, and punishing us (cutting etc) when we don't follow the "rules"
We're working really hard with T and it is really draining.
Group work isn't very intense or really helpful, because the group isn't a particularly good one for working.
I think what you said about there being no pressure to make a statement is something you might have to keep reminding yourself. 'Cause when it comes to really serious stuff like that, although we know rationally that there is no pressure, emotionally it can be an entirely different story.
Good on you for making the report, even considering it - very brave.
We can also relate to you joking around and laughing a lot more when you are feeling worse. It's another barrier to protect ourselves...
Labyrinth,
We can't tell whether you are being sarcastic or not when you said "Remembering the good old days."
Hope you are OK.
How was the trip over all?
We have to say we are very jealous.
my psych doesn't have much DID experiance, but as of our next apointment another guy is going to sit in now and again and he has got DID experiance.
She doesn't want to eat because she thinks that if the body gets smaller than no one will hurt it... and she thinks if we eat we'll be in trouble (she doesn't seem to realise nor beliee that we are no longer in danger)
How do you feel about the guy sitting in on your sessions?
It could be really helpful to have a more experienced professional as a part of your treatment team.
How is communication with her?
Are there ways - talking to her, writing to her - that you can help her out with some reality checking? Help her to understand that the bad stuff isn't happening anymore, that she doesn't need to be small to stop getting hurt because no one is going to hurt her?
A lot of parts need this kind of reassurance - they are stuck in the time the abuse happened, or just can't comprehend that it has ended, because it was all they knew.
We hope you are ok.
lostboys
Thankyou. Im not going to talk to the police anymore now. I realised that i just cant. i was so stupid to think i could. what an idiot. i feel really terrible today. i had a headache earlier but i didnt get any pain killers because im afraid of myself and what i might do. it seems like i harm myself alot more when im dissociating. i dont trust myself.
my T mentioned the other day about dissociation and she said that that is whats happening when everything is weird or when i taste things that i havnt eaten etc. its kind of reassuring in a way to know that thats what it is. and its fixable.
i hate it so much. it makes me feel like im not a proper person.
Labyrinth,
We're glad you were able to enjoy some feelings and memories from positive times in your past.
With the guy in Egypt, it seems like a very strong defensive response. One that was in response to a perceived threat to your or your mums safety.
Do you think it was you who was present when it happened? Or was it another, or another's influence?
Is there something you can do to let parts inside know that you don't need to be defended/defend so fiercely any more?
Headrush
You aren't an idiot at all. You made a very brave and healthy choice. Being able to acknowledge that you aren't in a place where you could make the report is very important and self-preserving.
You don't have to make the report, maybe one day you will feel able to and want to take that route, but you made the right choice.
Well done for being able to look after yourself!
Realizing our boundaries and limits is something that a lot of people have trouble with, and being able to acknowledge them, and take steps to avoid putting ourselves in more distress is VERY positive.
Don't beat yourself up about it, you did the right thing, and it isn't stupid or weak, it's brave.
We're so tired today. Didn't sleep well - again.
There must be something about 2am, because 2-2:30 is when we are getting to sleep the past week. So we're tired and flat today, though the group therapist is doing an activity in group today that we requested, so that's good.
Anyway our stomach is chucking wobblies, so we better go and have lunch.
wish i had the energy to reply to everyone on here but i dont. i hope you all are okay and im thinking of you all. not doing good.very depressed and lethargic and suicidal and just tired of evrytkhgin. lots of emotions thjat dont belong to me coming up
Facet,
It's ok if you aren't able to reply :)
Sorry to hear things are so rough for you at the moment.
I'm getting bleed through emotions too, I can relate to hard it can be to manage them. You don't know who is feeling them or why.
It's a matter of sitting with them, acknowledging them and just managing them, it's really uncomfortable.
frozenfairytale
Were you able to ground yourself while you were at the airport?
Do you know why you were so out of it?
Was there something that triggered it?
i don't tend to think about grounding while i'm actually in the middle of it unfortunately. i finally snapped out of it. then after that i got into one of my really dark moods. then i got super hyper. it was weird. but i'm ok now, thanks. :)
