Last night I lost about 30minuets, durig this time someone ODed... so I ended up in hospital, just got home... they made me stay to speak to a psyhiatrist, and she said "mulptiple personalities do ot exist, I think you should stop lying and admit tht you tried to kill yourself!"
I'm not happy... I didn't try to kill myself, I honestly didn't.
anyway... as I spent 13hours in hospital with no sleep and have missed my first lecture anyway (which ironically was on the physiological effects of drug overdoses) I think I may go to bed now
shadowlight,
***hugs***
So sorry to hear what happened,
Hope you are feeling a bit better now.
Sorry the psych was such an ignorant btch.
Hope you get some sleep and can feel a bit safer.
*thinking of you*
feeling so numb and unreal, littles crying luod inside can't shut them up make things shut up i can't think
that dog is always there, always watching us always looking at us, plotting, planning, its gonna hurt us, biding its time for now but WE'LL NOT BE HURT AGAIN never again
i wish this would stop
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
scath,
Really sorry you are so distressed, can you speak with your insiders? Let them know in some way that you need some quiet?
- and the dog? what dog?
((((sending you safe hugs, of if not ok warmth and positivity))))
we're feeling unsafe again, keeping grounded as much as we can, don't want to switch to someone who will harm us....
T tomorrow, she might have an update on how getting us a bed is going...
For now - eeeeek, just stay safe
Labyrinth, well done on managing not to SH for so long.. this is just a slip up, not a complete halt in the progress you've made... (that sounds weird, but we hope you know what we mean).
BB, thank you for the hugs - we're a little calmer now.. did several grounding exercises and survived the flashbacks. There's a seeing-eye dog in our lectures that either pulls one of our littles out, or triggers very high anxiety/panic attacks for whoever's out, which is being problematic. Not helping Xander's paranoia, for sure.
We're keeping you in our thoughts, and hoping for you to be safe.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Lost a whole bunch of time yesterday, almost the whole day, my friends think everything's fine and dandy because if they can't see anything wrong it must mean it's all better and disappeared, and my therapist knows I'm suicidal but doesn't seem to be bothered, and I'm going to turn 20 next month and don't want to live to see that age, and this weather remnds me of hospitalization.
This weather makes me dissociate/reminds me of bad things too, Facet. I know how horrible that is. I'm sorry your therapist isn't taking you seriously. If there's anything you can think of that she might be able to do in any way, do tell her. Similarly, if there's anything we can do.
A lot of my difficult emotions are going into physical stuff, some of it body memory stuff [non physical abuse related though]. I feel painful and sad.
Stellata, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself at all?
Has anyone tried DBT before? Dialectical Behaviour Therapy? Theres this thing in it called 'mindfulness'. apparently its supposed to be like bhuddist meditation. its apparently supposed to focus you on one thing and not let your mind run away with you. i guess kind of like grounding, except its more meditative.
but it just makes me feel like im in a dreamland again. like things arent real. its supposed to be helping, but i seriously think its making dissociation harder to push back.
I dont know what to do because I really want to try with this therapy and make it work. I want to feel better. I dont know what else there is. But im not sure if its the right thing for me.
Has anyone else tried this? Did something similar happen with you?
We do mindfulness-ish things as part of my analytic based psychotherapy, thanks. :) More in terms of bearing with the feelings, whatever they may be.
Right now I'm trying not to switch into Trini [child] state, as Katrina often follows along after.
I've got a headache and I feel tired and will probably go to bed early.
but... has anyone else ever experianced everyone else disapearing? After the psychiatrist insident everyone got upset and annoyed and then Jess told Jack that "the brain woman upset her and say she not real so she will not be real" And then they all... went... I felt alone in this body for the first time in 6 years... couldn't eel them anymore, they were just gone...
Jess has come back now... but none of the others have...
i've done dbt. mindfulness can ground you, but i could also see it causing dissociation. you have to make sure you're doing it mindfully, meaning you're completely aware of what you're doing, rather than letting your mind take over. does that make sense?
Is it normal for certain sounds to upset certain people?
Anything can trigger someone.
Alter or whole person.
Very normal in people with traumatic backgrounds.
Quote:
you have to make sure you're doing it mindfully, meaning you're completely aware of what you're doing, rather than letting your mind take over. does that make sense?
This^
You are supposed to do it so you are extremely aware of everything, for example if you are doing midfulness holding a rock, you run your hands over it, being very aware of every ridge, the soft patches, the little sharp bits on the side, you concentrate very hard on all these things, how heavy it is, what colours there are in the rock etc.
Shadowlight,
We've never heard of them disappearing, they just withdraw from your consciousness, hiding, so to speak because of a trigger or an upsetting situation. In our experience, if you try to reach them, even if you can't sense them - and say things internally like 'it is safe, the lady who said you weren't real is gone, we don't have to see her again, i believe you are real' things like that, they will eventually see that it is safe now and return.
We want to let everyone here know, that we are going in to hospital tomorrow at 11am.
We're having a REALLY hard time, what with memories spnning through us all causing extreme upset, higher up parts threatening us - if we talk about the experiences spnning through us, that they will hurt the body - which they have.
Our T says we needs a safe space at the moment, where we can be monitored, supported, work through some of the experiences and get stabilized.
We don't know whether we will have internet access, so we wanted to let you all know.
We hope you all take care of yourselves, we are sending warmth, support and positive thoughts.
Hope that the hospital is helpful to you. It does sound like you need some support right now, even if it's just a rest and to be looked after.
Most of them have come back now... Jess told Jack (my boyfriend) today that she tried to "be not real" as the "brain lady said so" and that she thought that everything in the past and so decided that ig they left then the body would no longer be bad...
doesn't make that much sense to me... But I am gad they have returned (even if Rachel is being VERY destructive and difficult to control right now)
