Bb, no support yet, waiting game comes to an end 9am on Friday 9th... Gt first session with someone who specialises in this crap. No idea what to expect and after so long of living like this my hopes are not high.
It's a never ending battle against myself. One day I will lose and that worrys me.
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
14RedDevil, you aren't stupid at all. I dissociate all the time and didn't even know I did it until my counselor and boyfriend figured it out! It's when you feel very far away, sometimes feel like your floating. Sometimes there's memory loss associated with it. The extreme form is dissociative identity disorder where people dissociate their personalities. I don't have that, you can have depersonalization/derealization disorder as i described before. It's all a defense mechanism your body does to try and keep yourself from experiencing emotional pain that is too hard to handle.
uni says we need a note from the doctor to get any help from disability people. what doctor? i'm not under any doctor. I'm not even ****ing registered at the ****ing GP because they say that my bank statement isn't proof of ****ing address. Im not on the bills i'm not not the council tax i'm not on anything they want. So I can't even ask about hte trans stuff let alone ask to be put on a waiting llist to get a diagnosis... which will take god knows how long anyway. and i can't keep going like this because people keep coming out in response o the perceived threat and it's like im not at uni. there's no point in going if i'm going to miss most of the lecture because i#m not fronting.
want to just give up. we're tired, we're hungry for no ****ing reason, everything and everybody are so bloody noisy all the time i can't get any peace
i just want things to stop. for a second or two. want ot stop crying want to stop flashbacks want to stop feeling guilty want everything to stop. want to play computer games and say screw the world but the computer is Vista and my games won't work and i don't know when thingy is coming round to sort it out.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Bank statement IS proof of address. If it works for CRB checks, it should for GPs. Weird.
Failing that, insurance documentation. Or tenancy agreement.
Do you have your medical card from your previous GP?
Scath - RE: what Stellata and shadowlight have said, perhaps you should try again, with any or all of those documents that you have.
We have no idea what the hell to do. As far as anything goes really...
Nothing has eased the intensity of the flashbacks, or the speed at which they come. We slept 4 hours last night, none the night before.
The flashbacks are impeding our functioning more and more.
We are physically shaking a lot, probably from a conglomeration of things - lack of sleep - physical strain from body memories and lack of physical energy and anxiety.
Apparently we've been experiencing something called sleep paralysis, as well as experiencing flashbacks during that time.
(In relation to some of the flashbacks) we've become triggered by the small of blood, and our hands constantly smell of blood, though we have no injury whatsoever...
We found this:
During a flashback, you might begin to feel as if a traumatic event is happening again. During most flashbacks, you will remain connected to the present time and place, although you may lose track of time and activities.
An immersive flashback, however, can cause you to be mentally transported back to the traumatic event. During an immersive flashback, you may genuinely believe that you are reliving the trauma.
We think we've only ever experienced "immersive flashbacks"
We're rambling - sorry, we just have so much inside us.
We feel unsafe and in a bit of a state...
T in a couple of hours - almost decided not to go (something that we NEVER do (miss therapy), if it is physically possible.
We don't feel as if she can do anything, she's been saying 'one foot in front of the other' each time we've seen her.
We've had enough.
Sorry again for whinging...
We're pretty mad at ourselves at the moment. We hate feeling so pathetic and defeatist, but we just can't find any reprieve.
Ooo I never realised that were 2 different names for types of flashbacks...
I've had both types... not sure which is worse... the none immersive ones are easier to ground... but seeing them in the pressent in a place you're meant to be "safe" is.... erm... disconcerting...
also, you're not whinging. it's understanble that you're having a hard time right now, and supporting one another and asking for suppot is what this site is for.
Hope you do go to see your T, she may be more helpful than you think
they dont sound like theyre worth the trouble *hugs*
Something happened last night.. from what I can tell Lara had a flashback and tried to kick our friend Patrick. He says she was hysterical and he slapped her, but Lara was too scared and either just before or during, Lara went.. So he slapped Seffy.. there's chaos, everything's loud.. Lara's upset, thinks Patrick is going to hurt her... Lottie says Seffy is acting strangely but I can't contact anyone except Lottie so I'm hearing it all second-hand... feel so helpless, so useless..
I trust him, I believe him, I think. He's slapped me before and it has helped when I'm in a state. So I believe he thought it was the right thing to do. I think.
I want them all to just SHUT UP for a second and let me think but everythings fuzzy and static-y
*hugs* you should probably tell patrick not to do that. it's not surprising it confused your alters when he did that, though it does sound like he was trying to help you.
