You're not being silly, my head just isn't working :)
I think I know what you mean and I think it's possible 'cause I'm sure I've done it. Is there something you want to talk about? You're more than welcome to. xxx
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
Just been having trouble recently in actually believing there isn't a demon after me. I can rationalise realistically (with the help of people repeating it to me) but I can feel it and am just really paranoid and jumpy >.<
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
hi.
i am posting here because i don't fit anywhere else and i don't think i fit here either, but i am giving it a try.
i did a stupid thing yesterday and i read my full psychological profile. i really shouldn't have done that because i am so fixated on what "they" think about me. they being the professionals. i was never meant to read that document, but somehow i got it.
its got me all jazzed up about what they think my issues are. it angers me because most of it is true, but also because i am more obvious then i thought.
their assesment being acccurate doesn't make you obvious, they have a lot of training and experiance with these things so can ntice and see things that others wouldn't
i guess you are right shadow-light.
they are professional and know more than me. i just don't really like being read so easily. i like to think i have more depth than what can be read from a questionnaire profile. and i should remember that this is from a couple years ago.
Zed, to answer your question, yes, it is possible. I've had that too. Last November (as in November 2008) I was psychotic and thought that the apartment was alive... yet rationalized it and managed to keep out of hospital. I also thought that when I finished writing in one particular journal, the world would end... and I could rationalize that one too, but I never did finish that journal. >_<
Anyway.
This thread has moved quickly today - and I'm glad!! I'm April btw, in case you don't see the user title. ;)
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
thank you for the warm welcome. its honestly the most welcome i have felt here ever.
i had a wonderful day today. i spent time with my friend and we created some artwork together. she is a very talented artist and i am just a plain old person who likes to make art. well...it was great. i have found a possible outlet for frustration when i feel like i need to SH. encaustic. its basically painting with hot wax and then you scribe into the wax and can basically do anything with it. it was so great. unfortunately i don't have any of my own stuff so i would need to go to her house or save up and get my own.
i am so glad this week has been ok. usually i struggle with a week off from work. so far i have been really good.
I hope you are all ok, I've read through some of your posts, and I hope I'm not stepping on any toes and that its ok that I post here....
I have a few diagnosis' the main being DID (wanted to slip that in in case i start saying 'we' because often there are more than just myself present, so a little heads up) - I've been officially diagnosed for more than 5 years now. I also have the co-morbids that often come with DID and childhood trauma; PTSD, depression, anxiety.
The thing that doesn't really fit is the psychosis. I have had several psychotic episodes (and been misdiagnosed by 2 different professionals with schizophrenia) some quite severe. It perturbs me because I never felt like it made sense, it didn't fit with anything....
But my Dr had a good explanation for the psychosis:
Say the human mind was a a water fountain, with lots of spouts where wat
er shoots out, sometimes only one or two are spraying water, sometimes all of them.
These holes are our coping mechanisms, our releases for whatever we hold or are dealing with internally; whether it be fear, anger, depression or grief.
One spout might be self harm, others mights be dissociation or aggression, but all of them serve a function to deal with what we are going through - some obviously not healthy ones.
She says that when you cover up one or a few of the holes (eliminating that coping mechanism) and don't have any others to let things out; like a safe space to talk about what is going on, an artistic outlet etc, the brain finds a way for the stress or distress to be released - and the water shoots out full force from another spout. That spout could be binge drinking, restricting your diet/disordered eating, obsessive checking etc.
For me that was where the psychosis came from. It was also a subconscious psychological defense to hide the DID (we were threatened about anyone finding out)...It's complicated.
Wow that was long - I apologize. But the explanation she give was such a good one, I had to share :)
Again I hope it is ok that I post here.
Take care of yourselves guys
Ash
*Morning bleeding_black*
*Sits with cup of tea and a pounding headache*
Have had slip ups with my self harm. Have felt very triggered recently to cut and purge. The voices coming from the walls were really loud last night saying my girlfriend had been infected and was going to die because of me. I got quite upset and really haven't slept very well at all because I was scared she'd die whilst I was asleep.
we have a bit of an "insident" last night and ended up having a trip to hospital :(
But today I leave my parents house and go to my partners parents for new year :) which is good
an alter somehow came to the conclusion that our abuser (who is dead) eft a form of contamination in the body which reacts with fat and allows him to trace us... so she tried to "cut the fat out"... I "came back" to a fair bit of bamage and had to get a taxi to the hospital
