You are more than welcome to post here.
What you are describing sounds a lot like a form of dissociation called 'derealization' or depersonalization, we get the two confused.
Try looking them up.
Some things that can help are, for a start trying to find out what is causing you to dissociate, from what you said, it sounds like the flashbacks and the attached emotions, as well as some stuff around eating. (Could be completely wrong, so apologies if so).
We've got an appointment with a psych -who we are seeing while T- is away tomorrow. We're really hoping it goes well, we're feeling really under the weather.... Not knowing what to do with ourselves, we feel so tired and worn out... We need something to improve, this is too hard...
did quite bad yesterday. kept dissociating and my bf could tell something was wrong. i didn't even know i was dissociating at first but i couldn't hold a conversation with my bf. (kept saying what and not knowing what was going on) it was quite annoying. i had to keep myself from regressing to a little kid state. it was weird.
I disocosiated the other day and cut my hair!!! it was a hell of a mess lol (can laugh about it now - ish, but at time was very upset :( )
and "the other one" keeps "coming out"... Jess and Sarah I can cope with, but this one hasn't "come out" for years... She's all angry and scary... she was for fighting back and for running away... but I have nothing tio run from nor fight now... so why is she there?
Going to tell doctor properly about Jess and Sarah on Tuesday... Jess is scared, she thinks that if I tell doctor then she'll die... That if I get "better" her and Sarah will "die"... I don't want them to die... I know in reality it's more a reintergration or learning to work together thing... but still... She's very scared
LOTTIE:
i am scared of that too, hazel. i think it is important to let them know how important they are to you and that you care about them. roberta is teaching me latin and i know that she would not do that if she did not care about me
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering for sexaul abuse
we are not feeling good. yesterday... well yesterday lara was r*ped. i am trying to keep her asleep until we figure out what to do. it is very scary though. and it is wierd. i know it was not me it happened to so seeing scratches on my hands and bruses on my legs feels strange and detatched. i want to go to the police. the police will save us, but roberta does not like them because of Peter.
bobbiwib, I know it's very weird coming back to a body after that's happened. If you've gone to the police I hope that you've got some help from them. Keeping you in our thoughts.
Hazel, good luck for the doctors on tuesday. Some of us have had the same sorts of fears of dying, but things are a bit better now that we've all 'formally' agreed not to intergrate unless the ones involved are absolutely sure that it's what they want. No different to our thoughts on it before, but the extra reassurance helped our system to not panic about it.
We've been up in the air this past week - trying to keep Shadow safe from things xe doesn't need to know is hard and xe keeps trying to be nosy... It's not needed, we're needed, we're fine, we don't want everything to fall apart again when xe finds out stuff. T is hard enough with what is discussed already, everyone's agitated afterwards. Got uni starting in a few weeks and we need to be okay for it.
~Donna
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Well as well as Jess and Sarah I now have Michelle... she has been there a veyr long time, she's basically a protector, but in the past she's only "come out" for very short amount of times so little interaction but the other day she "came out" properly... She scares Jess a little as she is so full of anger... but she makes me feel safe, she's the one who used to fight back so I like her being there again as I know with her about no one will be able to take advantage again...
I'm visiting my parents at the moment... which means that I am in the city where it all happened... and my parents know nothing of any of it nor my "mental state" so they are all having to stay "hidden" which Jess esspecially is not liking... she wants to go home... and Sarah is not doing good either... Trying to keep Jess and Sarah away right now and letting Michelle take charge alot as Sarah is reallly not doing well, flashbacks are bad, nightmares too... Michelle is strong and can cope with it, the rest of us cannot.
Also... had a scary through yesterday... Jack and I were discussing it all on the train, and he's been reading about it and said about the whole intergrating thing... but... well will i still be me if I intergrate with them? or will I be different? someone new?
Will Jack still love me if I become someone new??? I'm really scared about that... Jess doesn't want me to tell doctor and now not sure I do either...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering for sexaul abuse
we are not feeling good. yesterday... well yesterday lara was r*ped. i am trying to keep her asleep until we figure out what to do. it is very scary though. and it is wierd. i know it was not me it happened to so seeing scratches on my hands and bruses on my legs feels strange and detatched. i want to go to the police. the police will save us, but roberta does not like them because of Peter.
I know you don't want to hear this but... you really should report him... this can't go on, really... you deserve to be safe and you can't be until something's been done about him...
What happened with when Patrick said he was going to the police?
I know police can be scary... but really
Quote:
the police will save us
that is true! the police can help, he needs dealing with and you need to be safe
I am getting so confused... been working through a book and doing exercises and stuff to try to make everyone work together rather than the whole switching from one to another thing but all that's happened is now I can hear them talking constantly... before it was only Jess, her and I had conversations and she would relay anything Sarah wanted to me... but not it's Jess and Michelle, but it's as if they cannot hear one another and are both speaking only to me... I'm getting confused...
And Michelle insulted my mum today somehow... I'm not sure what she did, but I know it was her...
I've bought a journal for them... but doesn't seem to be helping/working... what else can I do? I know it's only bad at the moment as I am at my parents house... i leave here tomorrow so hopefully it will be ok then...
but on Thursday I go to Dublin for 4 days... what if they keep "coming out" then?
They never used to appear this much... only when they were really needed... but now they seem to doing it for no real reason :/
I want to say thank you to everyone who has posted their experience with dissociating. I've been really confused about a great deal lately and know I have dissociated on numerous occations. I have felt so alone in this struggle.
Currently I'm freaking out because I told my therapist about Ariana and Keavy. The conversation that followed was weird as I have never talked to anyone about them really. I've always talked about them as the other side of my brian arguing with me about stuff. My therapist asked me what I wanted to do about them and I don't have an answer for her. I don't want them to "die" and I don't know what I would do or who I would be without them. Now I'm wondering if I did the right thing by telling her. I'm totally confused and afraid. Thanks for listening. Just needed to offload I guess.
Shadow-light,
Perhaps they sense that now is a much safer place than it was in the past; that they are free to come out and do things they missed out on. Or perhaps they've realized as well as that it's safe, that it is time to heal, time for more communication and sharing.
Arianna,
What you do with Ariana and Keary is up to you. Do they cause problems? If they don't there is nothing to worry about. If they do you still have options. Our aim in therapy is to work together, to have system cooperation and remain multiple. Or you can integrate, which isn't "Death" of an alter it is integration, where the parts merge into one another and you, so all their aspects will be part of you as a whole.
Why do you think it was the wrong idea to tell her? We think it was very brave and will most likely lead you to get more appropriate treatment.
Shadow-light,
Perhaps they sense that now is a much safer place than it was in the past; that they are free to come out and do things they missed out on. Or perhaps they've realized as well as that it's safe, that it is time to heal, time for more communication and sharing.
those theories both make a lot of sense... Wish i knew which was right lol.
I could cope with it when it was only Jess and me in my head constantly and the "others" popping up now and then, but now Jess, Michelle and Sarah are all in my head basically all the time...
My own fault I guess... been reading a book that tlks about "roll calls" and a few other things and been experimenting with them , though I can see how in time these could be helpful... I mean I've already learnt alot about them and what they need.
hi. i dont know if im allowed to post in here. i dont have alters. i just dissociate. i think. i dont know. it feels like everythings going away. and i cant move. and everything is just horrible and weird and i dont like it. it makes me feel horrible.
i dont know. im sorry for posting in here.
i just know its happening more and more and its scary.
i don't have alters either. it's totally fine for you to post here. i dissociate like that too. it's quite unnerving. i hate it. so i know what you mean.
Bleeding Black- They don't really cause me any trouble anymore as I have been able to keep them in the background for some time now. Although I am concerned about what Ariana will do as she is very angry at me for leaving her there to deal with the abuse. The SIing started with her and I have continued it to sort of keep her in the back ground. I feel it was a mistake to tell my therapist because now I'm afraid she will ask Ariana about the abuse and growing up. I have massive gaps in memory regarding growing up and I always assumed that Ariana has those memories because she was the one present and as distressing as I find it not knowing about those huge gaps of my life, I'm more afraid of what she hasn't told me yet.
hi. i dont know if im allowed to post in here. i dont have alters. i just dissociate. i think. i dont know. it feels like everythings going away. and i cant move. and everything is just horrible and weird and i dont like it. it makes me feel horrible.
i dont know. im sorry for posting in here.
i just know its happening more and more and its scary.
*Hugs*
That has happened to me a couple of times before but supposidly it is actually a fairly normal defence mechanism. It's a horrible feeling but for me it usually passes fairly quickly. Sometimes I feel like i'm falling for a few seconds before 'jolting' back. Noone ever notices though so it is all good (Y)
There are times when things feel like a blur, like the memories are not mine, but I don't consider it to be too big an issue.
Anyway, I know i'm not welcome here but I just wanted to reply to that
, though I can see how in time these could be helpful... I mean I've already learnt alot about them and what they need.
