I get extreme headaches when I dissociate sometimes, though I don't have DID.
Facet, that sounds really scary. I'm sure things will go well though. Can you pinpoint particular stressors as to what causes you to dissociate more so that you don't remember things?
I was really upset about ocd stuff last night, and hearing sam really loudly, she started to take control... I was trying to distract myself from cutting, so I was stretching.... and then I woke up in my pajamas, in the shower, with cuts on my legs, and a dismantled razor on the floor. I'm really scared... its not the first time I've blacked out and done stuff (has happened at school) but I didn't think much of it, just thought I'd dozed off, but now I don't know.
Just, does anyone know what happened?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I've decided to be good recently and stop omiting things...
So I admitted something to my boyfried the other day... and now I want to ask some questions about the same thing, I feel here would be the best place...
Firstly, there is no chance I have DID... The abuse didn't start at an early enough age nor go on for long enough.
However, I did repress ALOT of it... and it's been coming back in bits...
during the abuse I got pregnant a few times, the first time at about 12 weeks in I started to see a little girl... she clamed her name was Jess, and she said that I was a lier and nothing that I experianced happened to me but it happened to her older sister...
Jess has been with me ever since... She's 9 and has always been 9... I don't see her anymore, but she's sort of in my head... if that makes sense...
Her sister never speaks to me, but Jess has conversations with her that I can only hear Jess's side of... Apparently her sister will not speak to me as I am not male and the only think she is good for can only be done by men...
When I "loose time" I apparently act oddly... I either act like a little kid (Jack guessed at 6 years old) or I get... erm... well basically very "sexual", apparently a few times I have almost forced myself onto Jack...
what is this??? Is this disocosiation type stuff or something else?
I told a professional type about the first Jess inisdent (when she appeared years ago) and she then screened me for psychosis!!!
I never tell anyone about this as I'm so scared of... well... of being "odd" or "mad" I guess... but does anyone have any ideas what it is?
hmm don't know what it is. but i also have gotten people at young ages in my head. and i have acted very young, about 3 years old before. i don't really know what mine is. so you're not alone.
Hey everyone,
Just wanted to pop in...
We're having a pretty hard time, what with T away and various things cropping up in the outside and inside world...
Not sure how to manage....
*hugs* that sounds hard. could you talk to a counselor about maybe how to have more control over your alters? i don't even know if that's possible. but anyway thinking of you.
Katie,
Why did you want them to come out?
It sounds like you are quite distressed. What's up?
Alters are often only caused to come out when they are triggered, or have a certain role to play, it's close to impossible to be able to manipulate the situation so they come out whenever you want them too, it's not their purpose.
Sorry things are hard
Update on us....
We've been dealing with quite a bit of really difficult stuff, and being unable to verbalize or communicate it in any clear way to our T. Which of course, makes confronting the situation/issues or finding solutions/coping mechanisms very difficult... As you would imagine, and her being away....
A lot of deeper parts ntl2 (network: labyrinth two)..ones we have yet to have communication with) are influencing the front, we've had one serious episode of self harm, which required a trip to the hospital (coincidentally the Dr who treated us was EXTREMELY kind, we wanted to take her home with us).
The main problem with communicating with T at this point (besides her being in Budapest), is the fact that so many parts inside have very contradicting views on the situation. Some want to be heard and helped, others want to be heard and helped too, but are terrified of the consequences, and another group are completely against the information being divulged in anyway and are actively aggressive about the whole situation.
Thing is, we don't feel safe (in general) or in T because of this issue, but we also don't feel safe disclosing it either, due to the ramifications of telling, internally and externally.
So at the moment, we feel stuck, 'cause we can't tell and feel safe, and we can't keep quiet and feel safe. And of course T is away, so we don't even have the opportunity to tell or not tell....
And a lot of things are triggering us, we are losing large amounts of time frequently, having powerful and extremely graphic and frightening flashbacks, and we feel very un-supported. Today we got a message (FINALLY) from the Dr whose care we are under while Christine is away to arrange an appointment. So we'll do that tomorrow. Hopefully she can provide some support....
We feel like we just need a little recuperation time, but no rest for the wicked....
Facet,
You aren't useless on this thread.
It's a reality that we make it onto the thread when we can - other times things are too hard, going well or things are just too busy. It's just the way it goes.
We're glad to see you back.
We truly miss you around here.
Ash:
I can relate to the butterflies and vacuum feeling a lot, right now in particular. No ideas what (or who) is behind it?
Thinking of you.
The vacuum and butterflies I have come to associate with someone trying to come out, but no idea who...besides hearing snippets of voices, i have no idea lately about what's going on with the others. i'm not sure which scares me more.
thank you for your kind words, BB. I always appreciate your input and responses.
I've been giving Megan snippets of memories that aren't traumatic, but it's confusing her, so I won't do that anymore. I promised her therapist that I would keep her alert and keep the others at bay during college hours so that she would remember material and have paper with the same writing on it, yet I find myself out. Our system is chaotic right now.
*hugs megan* sorry things are so chaotic right now. keep fighting. :)
does anyone ever dissociate while they're driving? I find it really nerve wracking. I don't think it's dangerous, it's kinda a depersonalization feeling. has anyone ever experienced this?
I feel a bit awkward posting in here as I haven't actually been diagnosed or anything so I don't know if I do have anything wrong with me, but I keep going really spaced out especially in the last week, I don't feel real at all, nothing seems real, its like I'm here physically but mentally I'm just...gone. I get like this when I binge/eat (btw I have eating problems) or when I have flashbacks about past abuse. Is there anyway I can kind of bring myself back into myself, if that makes sense?
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
You are more than welcome to post here.
What you are describing sounds a lot like a form of dissociation called 'derealization' or depersonalization, we get the two confused.
Try looking them up.
Some things that can help are, for a start trying to find out what is causing you to dissociate, from what you said, it sounds like the flashbacks and the attached emotions, as well as some stuff around eating. (Could be completely wrong, so apologies if so).
struggling.. sorry we dont help out on this thread at the moment.. things are too hard.. dizzy.. ive started blacking out again.. it stopped the first day charlie actually came to the surface and spoke.. i thought it was over but things keep going black.. i feel better when i wake up, my bf patrick says its me 'rebooting'.. but its scary.. when i wake up i get scared cos im lying on the floor, luckily it usually happens indoors.. but it triggers me and that makes me worse.. sorry i dont really know what im saying.. just pointless pointless words.. patrick did *stuff* with lara cos he thought it was me.. but she doesnt know that, she thinks he likes her.. shes 13 its so ****ed up... feel so lost
patrick also said something about lottie, that she is selfcentred and it gets annoying. i dont know if she knows he says that
lottie holds us all together she balances seffy, shes taught jude how to read and write. she adores charlie and she treats me like im one of them, not just a host, a stupid non existant empty vessel
if she heard him say that it could change everything
sorry for ranting i just have nowhere to turn
feel so lost
