I never said that it was never damaging, just that it's not always, and it also of course depends on the circumstances. Like if the "reason" that one or both kids were curious about it is cause of a history of sexual abuse or whatever, then that's kinda different than if it's just "normal" development. But also I think that a lot of times one of the main reasons that people would feel guilty about it later is just that society tells us that it's wrong no matter what the circumstances, and it's being told it was wrong, rather than some instinctive feeling that leads people to feel guilty about it. Of course that doesn't make those feelings any less valid or anything like that, it's just that I think it's more the result of society's interpretation of the experience than the experience itself. So it's not the actual sexual contact that was damaging, but rather what you're taught about how to view that experience.
It's like what can happen with homosexuality in some cultures... Having a homosexual relationship, or being attracted to someone of the same sex doesn't itself do any psychological damage or cause people to feel guilty about it. But in a culture that's very homophobic, then having sexual relations with someone of the same sex, or even thinking about it, can lead to a lot of problems, and end up with someone really hating themselves for it. But it doesn't follow from that that homosexuality is inherently damaging or pathological, because the damage was more from the learned homophobia than from the homosexuality.
For another example... In parts of Ancient Greece for a while, it was customary among the upper classes for adult men to engage in sexual relations with young adolescent boys. So in modern Western cultures, this kind of relationship almost always leads to significant problems for the younger partner. But in Ancient Greece, this was the accepted practice, and the men would court the boys, and boys could and did reject their adult suitors if they wanted, and they treated the boys with a lot of respect and stuff. So it was really different to sexual abuse in modern cultures because they didn't have the same issues of powerlessness and guilt that tend to come out of sexual abuse, and it likely didn't do nearly as much damage. Now it definitely wasn't a totally equal relationship - in the physical aspects, the boy always took the passive role (which was seen as weaker and more feminine), and the man took the active role - and part of the cultural purpose was that unequal power, but there was also the understanding that it was just a factor of age and not like a permanent thing, like how parents are in the position of power over their kids or stuff. So that's not to say that I think that sexual relations between adults and children are a good thing or anything like that, just that the same physical act can have really different effects depending on the emotional, psychological, and cultural context, and I think it's a lot more complicated than the actual physical act itself causing psychological damage.
Emily
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A lot of research has been done, it isn't a random number thrown out there for the heck o fit. A lot is taken into consideration. Take a 13 year old, and a 16 year old, the mentality difference is huge.
Children aren't mentally equipped to deal with sex and all it entails.
Yeah, it's not just the mental capacity either. I heard something on the radio a few years ago, because they were supposedly thinking of re-evaluating the age of consent. Supposedly it's not healthy for the female body to have penetrative sex before the age of 16 because it's not all fully developed. I don't know how much truth there is in it, but it wouldn't surprise me either.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
So some person somewhere along the road....decided that under 16 was under age.....throughout history there have been "coming of age" ceremonys...where boys and girls as young as 9 - 12 have sex to become an "adult"
So we have somewhere along the way...thrown out all of our Natural instincts in order to conform to some idealists way of thinking
Not that I'm condining it by the way....I just think its interesting that people don't understand Why they think like they do
Face it....you think it....because society tells you to
Mmm, that just reinforces what i said earlier. In some countries age of consent is as young as 12 but they probably don't think it's weird have sex at that age.
So yea, i completly agree with you. Especially the last line.
Ali xo
With demons dancing off mirror images reflecting all that you wanted.
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Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
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I have to say that my friend I used to make this thread he's no longer with that girl because they apparently wont see each other as much anymore due to the fact she has her GCSE's, work and swimming and he has college work, kick boxing and the gym.
All bullshit to my ears, because now he's chasing after another girl. ¬_¬
There is nothing wrong with age difference couples, I disagree with the law that means you cant have sex before you are 16. If a person decides they are ready to have sex then they should be allowed. I am in a relationship and there is a 5 year age difference, I am underage and he has never forced me into anything. If someone feels they are ready to have sex under 16 then who are we to stop them? I used to believe that relationships where one member is underage were wrong but when your in that position yourself your views totally change.
Lets face it, even if the law is there children are still going to break it if they really want to. It would be much safer if there was no such law and children would admit to haveing sex, and possibly stop a large amount of STI's that stay hidden.
Just my view.
StaRR
xx
some males can live without sex and be quite happy to do so,
i have only ever been with one lass that didn't want to have sex ,
(sex is overrated)
anyways with that out of the way....
underage sex has been happening for so long now it is kind of a natural thing almost
now im not saying it is ok for someone my age to be aging sex with someone that young but if the are both at a young age what they do behind closed doors is up to them... and the father of the girl stand on the other side of that door with a calving knife :P
i have dated people younger then me just a few years ago i was with someone who was 17 so i would find out 2 weeks after i started dating her...(check for id whist in night clubs) i've only been with 1 person that was older then me the rest ......wait that would be 2 i was also with some one with the last name of keenan how cool is that,, was also the only one nighter i ever had anyways..what was i talking about keenan sex boobs oh yeah ages i have always had this plan of dying of a heart attack at the age of 70 ....i will let you use your imaginations as to what i would be doing at the time.
anyways i'm rambling no so i'll end it here
but no i don't see an issue with what your friend is doing
he is still underage himself.
I think the differences of ages only really matter when there is an underage person involved.I dont think a couple of years matter like a 15 year old with a 18 year old but i do think when the gap becomes much larger then to me i thinkit is wrong.
I agree with this... though, in this case, he is taking advantage... so it is definately wrong!!!
He sounds like a bit of a predator. I mean if it was a one off wth one girl he really liked then maybe it would be ok but the repeat pattern just sounds a bit dodgy to me!
He sounds like a bit of a predator. I mean if it was a one off wth one girl he really liked then maybe it would be ok but the repeat pattern just sounds a bit dodgy to me!
Well, I am in one of those "dodgy" age difference relationships and I won't go into too much detail since this is obviously a subject I can only take personally, but I will say that I clearly don't see myself as a bad person or doing something wrong and the legal line just gets blurrier by the fact that the age of consent in our countries is different. I mean, I feel bad when I think about other people's opinions about it, but never in a million years about my relationship itself.
He and I look about the exact same age (I look way younger and he looks quite a bit older) so we don't get strange looks and no one would even know the gap is there if we didn't tell them. For me, it's a one person thing. I look at other people his age and think "eww, a child" and would never go near them in more of a brother/sister way. My boyfriend went through so much at an early age that he was forced to grow up far beyond his years. That is what makes us able to be together and not be weird. My last boyfriend was almost 10 years older than I am and was far less mature or able to be in a grown-up relationship. We've been together for almost 3 years and just had sex for the first time. He was ready a long time ago, but I said we should wait just to make sure he still felt that way later and we're in it for good so I saw no reason why we should hurry.
I just really think it's a situational thing that you can't just put a label on every couple. Sometimes its wrong, but sometimes it isn't.
I just really think it's a situational thing that you can't just put a label on every couple. Sometimes its wrong, but sometimes it isn't.
That is soooo true! Just because someone has the body of a child then doesnt mean that they have the mind of one. There can be a group of people all the same age, but all have different maturity levels. I am such a hypocrite (I CANT SPELL :S) Most age difference couples i disagree with especially if you can tell visually. I mean major age difference, like 30 years, I believe that thats wrong! But then when it comes to myself, I think its perfectly normal and that poeple shouldne judge me just because of who I fall in love with. I suppose thats true for all age difference couples though..,:s I'm just condradicting myself here. I dont know what my opinion is now,, I cant decide,, I'm confused. Ah well, thats what i think... or is it? :S StaRR xxx
Under age sex though.. I agree with that 100%,, apart from kids like 10,, I think they should make an age limit like 12 maybe, or is that too young. I have the worst opinions ever!!
I think the relationship becomes wrong when the older person is with the younger person for sexual intentions, playing on their vunerability. But saying that it can vary from person to person
Currently Im with a 21 year old man, and Im 16, but Im mature and hes immature (What boy isnt?) And he made it clear that the relationship wasnt to be about sex, that he never wanted me to feel pressured, and true to form, Ive never felt pressured with him so far. So in my opinion that makes the relationship Ok, as when we met we knew there was something there before we knew how old each other were. And plus I look older than I am and he looks younger than he is, so we look pretty well matched
But I think when the older person in the relationship is purely attracting younger partners for sex then it can become wrong, but it can vary from relationship to relationship
Sorry if im talking bull lol Im tired
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
I mean major age difference, like 30 years, I believe that thats wrong!
why is it wrong? I am currently in a relationship with someone that is 29 years older than me and i dont see it as wrong, as you said you cant help who you fall in love with. I am very happy in my relationship, probably happier than i would be if he was my age.
Sorry I didnt mean to affend you in any way. That just my thoughts, the only reason i see that as wrong is well,, it would remind me of my dad,, and that just creeps me out! I stopped datin a lad just because he sounded like my dad so thats just me bein dodgy. Really dont take it personally and i really dont want to sound as if I'm judging you. If your relationship works then who am I to say its wrong. If I fell in love with someone that much older than me then i would probably think its okay. As I've said dont listen to me my opinions are useless,,, i change my mind all the time. And I'm such a hypocrite! Sorry if I affended you! StaRR xxx
Right,, I've eventually decided my opinion. Age difference couples are only as bad as the people in them. For example, in this case, an older man constantly trying to be with a younger girl, who is underage. Then that is defiantly wrong, where as a couple, no matter what their ages, have fallen in love, then that is okay. I think thats right. My mind is constantly changing, I believed in underage sex but only if both people were underage, but i changed my mind, and have constantly been changing it because of a situation I am in. If there is a man who is "overage" but has fallen in love with a girl who is underage, then if they are really in love then he wont want to have sex because its illegal. And I think its a really hard decision deciding if you are ready for sex the first time. So this man shouldnt force you into anything. So if the man will wait for you then you know its okay, and if the girl is sure she wants to and then they have sex then it is okay. Is that right? So really I'm making this about myself and asking advice, Im underage, hes not. He says he will wait however long I need and until its legal. Am I being stupid and gullible? He said he will wait however long I need. What if I'm ready before I'm 16, what do i do then? I'm sooo confused!! But forget about sex, relationships are okay!!! Thats what I've finally decided!!! StaRR xxx
He resulted in lying to her by saying he'd lost his memory and didn't know who she was. She stupidly believed it and now doesn't hardly speak to him on msn or by phone.
I'm 17 and my partner is 22. We first met/started getting close when I was 14 and he was 19. I don't see anything wrong with it. 14 year old girls aren't as dumb and naive as people like to think they are.
i don't think it's strange or nasty in the least for a 17 yar old to be chatting up a 14 year old.yeah, i have a sister who is about 14 and would break his limbs if he came near her, but then again that's me. if these girls are willing to sleep with him then whatever. i remember guys twice his age chatting me up, and i knew what they wanted, i wasn't that dumb.
i know a lot of guys like the idea of teaching girls sexually, so that's probably what's going on in his head...well, that and he obviously knows these girls are easy lays:|
Last edited by hypocrisy : 28-05-2008 at 12:33 AM.
Gather experience. . . Look at what you should not look at. A feeling of anxiety is the sure and certain evidence that you should do this -Clive Barker
I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they have forgotten their own- Margeret Atwood
