The past few weeks one of mine and DVM's friends (he's 17, 18 in June) has been talking to younger girls ages 14 to 15 on a chat forum on the net.
A month ago he was seeing a girl for about 2 weeks and she was 15. He had sex with her but she'd previously had a boyfriend who she lost her virginity to. He met her off of that forum and when he first met her it was when me and DVM was with him up town. He asked her out that same day...
After they broke up (reasons unknown for this) she lied saying she was pregnant with his baby because she was trying to get back with him but he never got back with her.
She began to stalk him on msn and by his phone and also getting her friends onto him about getting back together. He resulted in lying to her by saying he'd lost his memory and didn't know who she was. She stupidly believed it and now doesn't hardly speak to him on msn or by phone.
Yesterday he informed me that he had a new girlfriend, to which I thought was a girl he'd been after for a while, who is a year older than him, but no once again he'd been talking to a girl on that forum. She's only 15 and he's already asked her out without meeting her. He plans to meet her Saturday and wanted DVM and I to go along with them as they don't know their way around town.
I think it's wrong for him to be seeing a girl of that age when it's illegal to have sex with girls under the age of 16 as he could get arrested for it if her parents were to find out. Also the fact that he hasn't ever met her, just spoken to her on that forum and on msn, yet he's already asked her out and said he loves her.
He's always been this way with girls younger than him. Even if their the right age, stooping at a girl age 14 or 15 isn't right in my book. He's chatted up 14 year olds before and asked myself and DVM if it was wrong to go out with her, but no sex. No offence guys but you can't live without sex, no one can really unless their virgins as they don't know what it's like.
Anyway back to the point, I thought this should be discussed in here about what you think.
I don't think age matters unless it's against the law, as DVM is 2 years older than me but with couples like our friend and his girlfriend it's not really right, or worth the risk in my book.
I think the differences of ages only really matter when there is an underage person involved.I dont think a couple of years matter like a 15 year old with a 18 year old but i do think when the gap becomes much larger then to me i thinkit is wrong. why should it be always thought of as the girl being the young underage person, is it still wrong if the boy is underage?
I am personally in a relationship with someone much older than myself and i am very happy.I get a lot of **** from people that do not know us both or even understand how happy we are together.They just assume that it is wrong.I wouldnt be with him if i was under 18 because to be it would seem wrong.
Nah it's not a pointless reply Jane. I relate to all you've said!
I never really thought at the time about the boy being younger girl being older situation and that too is slightly wrong (depending on age gap) because while the boy might enjoy it the girl could taking advantage of it.
But the meaning of this thread was to point out about underage sex. I just used that example as mine and DVM's friend has been doing it for quite a while and I haven't ever seen this before with someone I know.
I think that age differences don't always matter, and a couple years is sometimes okay even if one/both people are underage (what's legal and what I consider moral/acceptable aren't always the same thing), like I knew a couple a few years ago who when the started going on, she was I think still 14 (almost 15) and he was 17, but they were a great couple, and if anything she was more mature than he was, so there was nothing creepy about it. But I do think it's kinda creepy for someone to be consistently going after people a few years younger than them who are also underage when it seems like their age is more important than who they actually are, cause then you kinda have to wonder... I also think whether it's okay to be attracted to someone depends more on how old they look than how old they actually are (of course, whether it's okay to pursue it is a different matter, but I just mean you see someone and think they're hot without knowing how old they are), cause if an adult sees a 15 year old who looks like she's in her 20s and thinks she's hot then I don't see anything wrong with that as long as he doesn't try to hit on her or anything once he finds out her age, cause it's not like he thinks kids are hot or anything, whereas I find it kinda creepy when older guys hit on me even though I'm actually 21 because people usually say I look about 14-15, so they probably think I'm about that age but don't care, which is creepy (and I'm not talking like 18-year-olds obviously, I mean like over 40-ish).
Emily
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Would people still be as happy if I were 14 and he was 16?
I don't know.Nor do I care.
The law is there and people break it, for me education needs to be changed because so many people lose their virginities under the age of consent.
I can't actually think of anyone I know in Hastings that waited untill they were over the age of consent.
Quote:
No offence guys but you can't live without sex, no one can really unless their virgins as they don't know what it's like.
Nat I do have to disagree with you on one point though, I was with my ex for near on 2 years and never had sex with him or anyone else for that matter and I'd lost my virginity, so it is quite possible not to have urges, self restraint my dear ;)
I also think it matters when it is illegal. I'm not comfortable with defining when it is 'right' and 'wrong', because it depends on both of the people and how mature they are. I think some 14 year-olds are completely capable of making a decision for themselves, while tons of other 14 year-olds should not and can not make that decision for themselves yet. That goes for sex and other things.
Your friend is quite strange, regarding the memory loss story atleast. Though the underage thing does seem morally wrong in most peoples eyes, it isn't really as bad as it sounds most of the time. Now if a person like your friend was using their younger age (and most likely inexperience of these social encounters) to manipulate them into doing things they wanted, like going out with and sex for example, this would be morally wrong. This is why it is more frowned upon for teachers and students to have relationships, even when the student is above consenual age. Your friend doesn't 'seem' to be doing that from what you wrote though obviously you wrote very little of it so it cannot be an imformed stance on the matter.
The other matter to concinder when you draw these black and white lines is that, not counting the law, is it more wrong to have sex with someone who is 2 days before their 16th birthday, or 2 days after? The amount of difference between the two in terms of maturity is probably minimal, yet, if you draw your morals from the law then the difference in it's morality would be a huge gap.
Okay, your friend, in the eyes of the law is doing something illegal. One of these girls could easily report him, or a parent could over hear and even though he may of meant no harm he could land in serious trouble.
I mean it really isn't that much of an age gap, really, I mean chances are these girls are more mature than him anyway, but it is illegal...but to be honest until he messes up i.e gets caught he probably will carry on with it, but I hope I'm wrong.
I have no problem with age gaps of any size, as long as both parties are happy, safe and okay with it all.
xxx
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If that dosen't make you different. Then something is wrong.
I had this discuission the other day.
my friend was with a 17yr old guy when she was 13, both of them were incredibly mature, & she refused to have sex with him until she was ready,and older, & he respected that. They lasted a year, until he had to move away.
However, her parents & others were like 'ahagegap'.
If they were 23 & 27 however, people wouldn't have cared that much.
I did think she was a tad too young though, but they were happy together.
It depends on if yur friends just using the girls for sex. if he gets caught he'll be in sh!te loads of trouble :/
I had this discuission the other day.
my friend was with a 17yr old guy when she was 13, both of them were incredibly mature, & she refused to have sex with him until she was ready,and older, & he respected that. They lasted a year, until he had to move away.
Personally, I see no issue with this, apart from maybe them wanting different things. (which could happen with any couple, at any age)
i think it is a difficult situation. in the eyes of the law, it is illegal. but when i was younger my boyfriend was slightly older than me, so there was a period of time when we were having sex illegally when we were both 15 and also when he was 16 and i was still 15. i didnt see that as an issue as we were in a committed relationship. your friend however, seems to be attracted to the younger girls and it is a bit strange that he is meeting them off these forums with the intention of having sex with them. i would be more inclined to say it was ok if he had met a 15 yr old girl in person and fell for her. the internet is different in my opinion.
cant say i agree with you sephy, what makes you think that something magically happens at 35 that means you suddenly know what you want? some people know what they want long before then.
"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you" - Dr Samuel Loomis
it is a bit wierd for a 17 year old to be going out with 14 year olds but its not wrong. however, it is wrong to break the law and have sex with them. a 17 year old would be better off with a girl of his own age
I don't think it's weird for a 14/17-18 year old to be together, especially with the amount of 14 years olds looking/acting so much older. However if they have sex that's up to them, they just have to be prepared for the consequence's if one of the couple accuse's the other of assault.
Also, what about in countries where the age of consent is a lot younger?
For example in Nigeria (according to Google) you have to be 13, so a 13 year old and a 18 year could, legally, be together and have a sexual relationship. Is it still weird because one of them is 13?
Perhaps people only thing a 14/18 year old couple is weird or wrong because that's what we grow up with in the UK.
Ali xox
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Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
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I would also like to point out that in my observations, the age gap is less of an issue in female-female relationships and it being more or an issue in male-male relationships; when both are compared to female-male relationships.
i was just reading all these psots and the one thing that springs to my mind is should you not be woprried that your friend is into under age girls and not girls his own age?
as a survivor of s/a i would certainly worry about anyone i know doing this same thing.
just seems a bit weird.
sorry hope i didnt upset anyone.
I'm 15.
I would NOT go out with a guy that was 18 unless he was PARTICULARLY special.
This is because tbh, I think 18 year olds and over should be going to the pub and clubbing and worrying about money. Old people things =p
I don't wanna be the gf that can never go anywhere with her bf coz she's not old enough.
I just think it'd put a big strain on the relationship being with someone who was able to do so much more (legally) than you because you'd always have to ask them to sacrifice that a lot of the time for you.
And technically, the law is unlikely to bother with anything smaller than a three year age gap in a statutory rape case (depending on the actual age and obvious maturity of the younger counterpart in question).
