I think my mental state has improved since the splits haven't popped up that i'm aware of. I've been myself and not felt them (also worrying, sort of), though i've just been through a rough patch of depression. I still get lots of psychosis things such as thinking people can read my mind, thinking vile thoughts (but not as much!).
Hello. Vaxir we are glad to hear that you are doing better. thank you Kathryn.
I find it strange how certain things can trigger them *especially Hiding* without them realizing right away that it has. Pehaps Hiding is just too close today or her empathy is very strong today. Not sure. Anyhow I have sent her back inside to relax while I am out and that way she hopefully wont dwell on it. I also find it odd at what triggers them/her. people can tell us the most horrible things and it not trigger them (i suposse because they didnt experience things like that themselves) but things that do not seem very triggering can trigger things. It is strange. anyhow I am sorry I am rambling. take care all. Karma
At Holloway Resource Centre, 356 Holloway Road, London, N7 6PA
on Saturday 12 March 2011 10.00 am - 4.00 pm
A day-long event to raise awareness, share experiences and discover what all of us can do next.
Topics covered will include:
* Living with a dissociative disorder
* Managing a career and developing creativity
* Getting the right diagnosis and treatment
* What’s helpful and where to find support
* Where we go from here: challenging health services, the government and public perceptions
Presentations from survivors and those living with DID, and sessions chaired by representatives from key support groups including First Person Plural, PODS, TASC, RAINS, TAG, NAPAC and the Survivors’ Trust.
BOOKING
* Please send your contact details and a cheque made payable to “The Paracelsus” Trust to Dr Amelia Roberts, Campaign Co-ordinator, 815 Finchley Road, London, NW11 8AJ
* Alternatively you may book online below and pay via credit/debit card or Paypal. You will receive a confirmation of your booking.
honestly honestly cant continue this way... just cant... so much chatter inside that can't do anything, so much crying and screaming and flashbacking inside, I can hear it, I can feel it, I can't see it but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Can't make self do anything, the chatter makes concentration too hard, and the suicidal thoughts are not helping either... not to mention HIM and his constant internal threats and his egging on of selfdestructive things.
Not cut, not purged and not drunk in what feels like forever... I know they are bad but I miss them, at least when I cut I knew the body was there, I could feel it, I felt connected to it... now I may aswell be floating, feel like if dont hold on to something may just disapear... And at least when I was drinking the flashbacks went away and the chatter died down, was able to actually think. The purging not such a big thing, but I'm actually missing binging... never thought I would say that... And binging automatically ends in purging, so guess in a indirrect way I miss purging too...
I don't know... just... can't cope... do nothing at the moment but sit about trying not to cry...
hi. I kinda wanted to talk withsomebody today just cause but noboby is around rite now cause its 4 am.. Maybe..people know Im stuck in this girl body and they are scared to talk to me. sorry..im nervus. Christopher
yeah I dont really like being stuck in this body,but maybe it wont be that bad after this gross thing stops. umm, i liked it better when it was little like me and sarah cause it was more like a boy than it is now. wonder if these things hurt when they grew here on the chest? hmm. the girls are laffing at me. spmetimes they bug me when the laff at me...mostly its sadie that laffs at me. she acts like she knows everything but i dont know if she does or not. karma and serenity seems pretty smart tho.
serenity just smiles at me tho she does not laff at me. serenity is very pretty for a girl.. i was lookin last nite for a pictur that looks like me and i found out that looks like i think serenity looks.. and i found some others that look fimiler from inside but i dont know there names.
anyhow sorry i talk alot. haha
Christopher oh .. i put my name on this signatur thing.. i wasnt sure where to put it tho so i just stuck it on there.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hi I'm the male that Kathryn told you about, I'm Reizo.
No those things didn't hurt, it's part of having a female body... For me they weren't really a problem, but they've grown a bit (ha she's going to kill me for talking about them).
Are you sure she's laughing at you? I'm sure she wouldn't be so mean.
Don't worry about talking a lot, everyone gets their chance to say what they want on here, and it's non-judgemental so don't be afraid.
Hey Christopher, this is Luke. I'm around 21-22 and I'm a male living in a female body too. I don't worry too much about this, because I've realized that the body is just a container for all of us.
Like Reizo says (he's a smart guy), don't worry about talking a lot. When our system discovered this thread, we had the same reaction: Really wanting to talk, but afraid of saying too much. Say what you need to say; if you can't say it, have someone else in the system talk for you. Good luck man.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
hi reizo and luke. nice to meet you. umm.. sorry i read thing but i dont know what to say.. hiding's feelings are bothering me right now.. she is so sad and thinking she is faking us and it makes me feel like crying (the body i guess feels that way) and i dont like it.. but just letting you know i saw this and ty for replying. Christopher
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hi Luke, nice to see another male alter in a female body. I suppose we're less freaked by it because we're older, obviously for a young boy its going to be a little more frightening being in a female body, but honestly, it's nothing to worry about.
Is there any way you can cheer her up? Its understandable that she thinks she's making it up, I think most people who have alters think they're making it up as its not something that widely talked about, and dissociation here in the UK is only just being established and understood by psychiatrists, where as in America its already pretty firmly embedded. Our host went through a period of thinking she made it up; I think she still thinks that because she can't hear us anymore; in reality we're still here but we just can't contact her for some reason.
Again, Reizo said exactly what I was thinking. I tell you what, Jen (our frontperson) used to drive me crazy with her constant "Is this real? Am I lying? Are you all just made up?" stuff. She's kind of gotten over it, kind of not.
Hiding&company, don't be sad. There is a point to all of this. It will get better. You are not just making stuff up. You're a great bunch of folks who are working out the kinks, that's all.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
well i guess some of it is casue we ran outta meds a couple weeks ago.. forgot to get refills with last check so now gotta wait til next check friday after next. sure that isnt helping.. im sure that may be why i just wanna hide , disappear and cry until i melt away. *shrug* sorry
I think it's common to go through a stage of "am I making all this up", I think it can happen to sufferes of any mental health issue, but maybe it's esspecially common in DID due to the nature of the disorder and the attritudes of others towards it.
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eugh, we are not doing well
so one month ago I attempted suicide, but a though combination of Jess taking us to hospital and Michelle getting GP appointments it was a failure.
since then been trying to give this whole life thing a chance... but its not working... cant do it... too broken... too damaged...
Rachel has been actively suicidal, been a spait of small ODs recently, but Michelle keeps stopping her. Sarah's whole ED thing has escualated, which added to my own is making the body kind of struggle. And HIM just WONT SHUT UP!!!
Jack (my partner) told me I've developed a "bulimia belly" yesterday, so ever since I havegone into overdrive with purging and exercise... it was a simple off handed comment, which is true and was an expected symptom/side effect of binging/purging, yet it's driven me into crisis mode *sighs* I can't cope with any sort of comment at the moment...
Someone last week shouted at me as I accidently knocked into them, and because they shouted I automaticvally went to the nearest wall and curled up sheilding my face. They were shouting at me... they weren't going to hit me :/
And last week Jack and I had an argument. It finished and all was fine, but I then started trying to bring it back up, to continue it... why? Because I wanted him to hit me... I wanted to be punished for causing the argument. I wanted to be hit so that I would know that the argument was over and everything would be ok.
What the hell is wrong with me?
It's obvious really, I am not meant to be in this world... I was condisioned for and taught to survive abuse, that;s it... I understand that, I can cope with that, I can live with that. This world is too confusing and too hard
I want the flashbacks to stop. I want the nightmares to stop. I want the chest pains to stop. I want the aching inmy kidneys to stop. I want to be able to sleep. I want the chatter to stop. I want HIM to shut the h*ll up.
I want to attempt again... the liver and kidneys have not fully recovered yet so it would be more likely to work. But I used up all my stuff last time... and I don't want to hurt Jack... so been thinking about how to make it look like an accident... but guess part of me doesn't want to go through with it as every time I come up with a "method" I come up with a reason why it can't be used.
*sighs* the world would be so much better if I had not survived
I tried to tell my therapist about my dissociation problems... I didn't tell her about the worst of it. But she was just like 'It doesn't mean anything, just ignore it and it will go away.'
I do have methods for stopping an episode if I can but sometimes it doesn't work or I'm gone before I have a chance to do anything. I can't just ignore it!
She's supposed to be a professional, why doesn't she have any better advice?
