A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Same, I prefer to be dissociated but you know the saying, every action has a reaction so I suppose it'd only be a matter of time before we felt the reaction of it. If you see what I mean. It's fine that you've posted (:
Sadie - I'll have a look too, I think I'd probably use it, Ayka might not but she might just for a bit of fun and I think Crystal would as well. Reizo might seeing as he's early twenties but he prefers to act all mature haha.
Hi Kathryn- Sadie says to pm us your email address and she will send ya a refferral.
======= sorry we havent been around much. Hiding has been struggling badly with losing papa..even tho she knows he suffered badly and he was ready and welcomed it. yesterday hiding was stuck out and sadie and i couldnt get out. hiding has been have bad dreams constantly about funerals and death. she has been very very depressed and even feels guilty eating because she says "papa cant enjoy food anymore so its not fair that I do" but we manage to feed the body while she is inside.
we still havent had services for papa which we decided is only dragging all of this out even more. most of hidings pain tho is for dad. dad seems alright and says he is cuz he is busy with paperwork and arrangements,ect.. but still. he is a very strong man but we know his emotional capabilities also so we know it is hurting him deeply. anyhow like i said weve been having a hard time lately.. so i wanted to apologize for not checking in here and posting more. Karma
sadie got caught stealing money at work. they were gonna let us work today but i asked to come home casue i cant stop crying. i /we are horrible people. we dont deserve anything at all.. i just want to curl up in a corner and rot to death or sleep and never wake up.. we want to cut. instead i took 2 xanax and hope to sleep Hiding
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Karma - Don't worry about not checking in and posting, take as much time as you need to help yourselves through this rough patch.
Hiding - Do you know why Sadie stole the money? You're not horrible people though, you mustn't think that *offers hugs* if you need to you can PM us anytime (:
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Been kinda dissociated all day, like coming in and out... I was in the classroom and about to leave and she said I looked "away with the fairies, like I wasn't really there". Someone must've been out with me, or something, but I don't know who... Felt weird all day.
Hope everyone's okay today (:
Last edited by Kitkat :) : 12-01-2011 at 07:54 PM.
husband still isnt working, we havent had a raise or anything in almost 2 yrs. we have trouble paying bills. but right now, she really didnt to take the $ i guess she thought she had the oppurtunity tho. i dont know.
we came home slept most of day. sadie cut quite a bit on arms but notnig deep.
feeling so horrible wish we could die but cant have to stay for mike and aly.
called boss a bit ago he said to come in and dress for work.. so maybe they wont fire us...but he did say we will have a talk.
ohpe someone else will handle all that tomorrow. i can not stand being in trouble.. trubl is bad bad i alwas bad i alwas in trubl we deserv die..wy cant we jus disapeer forevr?
eugh, money problems such. Sorry you're having them, hopefully you'll be able to sort something out.
I'm not having a good time... had some sort of breakdown or something over last few days... passed out at the gym the other day which wasn't good, and found a new form of selfharm which I think may be doing more harm than the old forms. Also... erm, I think I'm hallucinating, and think I'm becoming a bit paranoid about things... I am convinced that there are cameras watching me... not showered in days (just washed hair each day) as I am so scared of the cameras catching me naked in there
I go through phases of suddenly feeling as if I am not their.. like i am a camera watching everything.. my doctor told me to look up 'depersonalsation and derealisation' and it soudns EXACTLY like what i go through, but I;m being checked for epilepsy at the same time. Can anybody tell me how it felt for them?? I've been having these 'episodes' since I was about 10 they can be pretty distressfull and I have memory loss with them
I guess it's like no longer being connected to the body, like it's no longer mine, i'm looking at it out of someone else eyes, or out of my eyes but its someone elses body (not sure which). It's like nothing is really there, like if I was to reach out my hand it would go straight through. Everything feels like a dream, or a projection, just unreal and fluid I guess.
Ye... I find the whole depersonalisation/derealism thing really hard to describe lol. I dont get it that often, but hate it when I do
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
PLRG - I know how you feel, I constantly suffer from derealisation.
Hiding - Sorry to hear you're struggling ):
Hope everyone's okay today.
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Having constant, weird thoughts about the world and if it's real, or if everything's an illusion, weird thoughts about the Government and if they're keeping tabs on everybody... Things like that. Yesterday I was having intrusive thoughts about my weight and me being fatter than I look... They won't leave me alone, constantly in my head and I can't get them out. Urgh.
still have a ob boss and boss's wife made very clear that boss wanted to fire me but his wife tlaked him into giving us another chance.. we refuse to thank them for it tho because we know the real reason they kept us is because there are only 3 people who work front desk ..us, the boss and his wife.. and they dont wanna have to work 3 shifts themselves... course they wont admit that...but we arent stupid.
also since we didnt work weds because i came home and couldnt stop crying at work he is counting it as my day off and so i will have to work a weekend day which to me is totally shitty and unfair.
sigh
sorry sadie sayss i really need to ****ing stop whining.. sorry Hiding
Hazel - I'm so happy to hear that. I was worried about you.
In class today I started to dissociate. Probably not helped by the fact that there are 50 of us crammed in theatre-style seats with tiny flip over "tables" and we are all basically touching shoulder to shoulder for over an hour.
the amount of upfront money required is terrifying theres the deposit which is 6 weeks rent, then the first months rent, and the admin fee... all in all adding up to over 2 months income :/
Megan - yes, re. the alcohol. But if I drink enough I find don't care about the dissociation. Or it stops distressing me because I am too drunk to care. Something like that.
Hazel - can the council Housing help you at all? Under prevention of homelessness or something?
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I'm just frustrated because I am 21 now and would like to drink every now and then, even just a beer, but even just a beer has that effect. Don't know how to strike a balance because I don't want to drink to the point of not caring about it because i hate feeling out of control.
on the alcohol thing it doesn't effect me that way so much. However, I have an alcohol "problem" and so I guess am not a normal case lol
Coucil housing sucks... I registered on the waiting list back in June and was told it could take over 10 years to get to the top of it!!! Before I found this place I was homeless, and still on said list, but it bearly moved me up it at all.
We can just about afford the deposit and first rent payment, etc. But we are not going to have much left to live on afterwards...
theres the deposit which is 6 weeks rent, then the first months rent, and the admin fee... all in all adding up to over 2 months income :/