lot of drama today that made our head about explode
the ex called us names and everything and got upset when I called her girlfriend pretty and then comment on when "I used to date you blah blah blah"
confused me...she never dated me..she dated Sam who was just as cruel to her as she was to us..I was just caught in the middle half the time
and we have a therapist appointment monday with a BPD specialist but forgot to tell the lady that we wanted someone that delt with ED and SI too...and can't say anything about alters or we won't be able to do anything for ourselves.
:(
sorry I've been really low lately and Onyx is hurting every other day and Rala's been crying and Nihil's still freaking out about being a "boy in a girls body" as he puts it
he's been to class for us for two days now but hates the body, wears a binder on the chest and layers that cover the fact that we're female.
there's too much chaos in our head at the moment and we don't know how to deal.
-Sunni
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Onyx just did something really bad and my arm hurts.....I don't understand the conditions of this form I'm in, I know Rala and Onyx SI and that Blair and Sunni have ED's I've not been out before..my job is usually to take care of the little ones {Mikalia and Willow} inside but everyone's in shambles about tomorow morning -sigh- and I don't know how to explain to Nihil that while he's a guy, the form is how it is and he just has to accept that. I could use Sam's and Ather's help controlling Onyx for a few days but Sam's not around currently and Ather wants nothing to do with Onyx....
I'm at a lose
she's killing the body....and being almost as bad as Mange when she's out.
-Iris
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Iris- sorry Onyx is harming y'all. Has anyone asked Ontx why? It may help to know why he/she is feeling the need to harm. I know when I've SI'd (haven'tSId since October! go me!) that I did it as a way of helping the others calm down and quiet down inside or that I just felt we deserved it for some reason, but usually it was just a way of getting their attention so they would chill the hell out for a while.
The need to be understood is very important for everyone. So, if ya'll haven't yet, then just try asking Onyx why she/he feels the need to harm. Hope the arm will be alright and things calm down for all of you.
SADIE
p.s.
We used to have awesome all black cat named Onyx. He was the coolest. =)
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Iris - I have nothing new to add apart from to re-inforce what Sadie's said; have you tried asking Onyx why he/she feels the need to hurt the body? Hope your arm is okay and that you all take care of it, if it's an open wound then you need to make sure it doesn't get infected.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Havent come out in a while.
Feeling... Twisted. Dark. Almost psychopathic. But not quite there. A sort of melancholic angry. But not proper anger. It's hard to describe, I'm not quite sure that it is.
It's cold... but extremely comforting.
I feel alone... but comforted at the same time.
we are all over the place at moment. A lot of flashbacks, nightmares, and stuff. Also ED thoughts/behaviours are making a bit of a reapearance, in part as got to see the mother next week and even when I was anorexic she thought I was fat so god only knows what she is going to say next week.
Tomorrow Jack and I are going out for a meal as it's our anniversary, going to be interesting as neither of us are doing that well at the moment, both feeling a bit down and unfortuantly we both have the same flaw of resorting to escapism when things go badly... well, I say escapism, his default responce is to run away from whatever's going on, whereas mine is essantially self-sabortage (when things go well I destroy them and when things go badly I make them worse).
I'm essentially living at the gym at the moment too guess there are worse "obsessions" than exercise but it's eating up a lot of my time and money
umm i ges i wand talk bowt dirtigirl/voic . tem livs in closit insid an tat dos bes scaree closit. voic tel us one tim tat it is dirtigirl an dirtigirl is voic, but i not sur cuz tey dos talk diffrint. aniwas dirtigirl ben com out mor latli..an as much as i is lonli an wan nofr lil insid to pla wif..hers do scar me lots cuz her haz bad memerees tat res us no lowd to kno. an hers looks al dirti and i kno hers is sad an hertd lots. i not kno wy hers bes coms out mor tho. we not sur tat we liks hers to bes com out.. it al bes kinna scaree to me. Sarah
Last edited by hidingme : 13-12-2010 at 11:49 PM.
Reason: i put spac tween werds cuz i kno it bes hard reed my typs anywas hehe
Sadie- I asked Onyx why she SI's because Sunni won't go near her she's a tad terrified of her when she's in control much like she was Sam at first. and Onyx told me because of things that happened to us in high school with a bad man and because she's convinced that this form is not human :/ when she first came about Sunni saw her as having a sewn up mouth {I guess to visualize the trapped feeling she was having when the things happened to her..} she self harms for a completely different reason then Rala does, while Rala's actions usually don't cause need for more then a bandaid Onyx's however need medical attention all the time. which she refuses to get so I have to come out and bandage things up.
it doesn't exactly help matters that there's two more here {Lyca whose female from what I've seen and Echo whose also female but I'm not sure of her age..Lyca doesn't have an age so she says, she explained herself as being the opposite of Mange {he's not a nice alter...every time he's out it either results in harmful causes to self or other people or worse.} and ontop of that the therapist that we saw today told us that if we didn't manage to stop SI until the next session or that if it got progressiely worse that she would have to reffer us to IP Howard Hospital for more intense care {she's a social worker} she told us to go to ER if we felt like SIering which offended both Rala and Onyx.....
to add to that she also asked to read our journal and the only things resembling a journal we have are on here and NONE of us are comfortable with that.....
no idea what to do oh and Sunni told the social worker about us, it took her 20 minutes to do so I guess because she didn't want to admit it to a person with the authority to put us under 72 hour watch...she's terrified of that....
-Iris
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Not liking the new therapist much...she's too direct...we dont all have to agree on the therapist..do we?
because she pisses me off
-Sam.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Iris- glad you asked Onyx about all of that. Seems also that since Sunni viewed her with her mouth sewn shut perhaps Onyx thinks the SH is the only way she can express her emotions/pain?? idk just a guess. Understand your fear in telling authority types about yourselves.. we are like that too it super sucks ass! Hope something eases up for y'all soon.
Kit kat- no dirti girl isn't new she has probably been around longer than any of us. From what i understand, the voice and dirti girl are one in the same but they talk differently so im not sure.I really dont think there is anyway to make the closet less dark and scarey because well the closet holds all the bad memories and secrets and things we arent allowed to know.
----------- I really ****ing hate work. came home all ****ing pissed off. boss ****ing is gonna change the schedule for us ( but we are the only ones the work front desk besides him and his wife) and either he will force us to take days off during week and work weekends or change it from 8 hrs aday to 7 hrs and then have us work 5 hrs on a weekend day too. **** this bullshit we dont get paid enough for this **** and so like i came home and bitched out everyone esp. michael about getting a damn job so we can quit. GRR so ****ing super god damn pissed off!!!!!
dude wtf? i mean really?! that freaking ex friend of aly's - the girl's mom drove past us again while i took aly to school flipped me off and called me a bitch and aly saw/heard it all? wtf is wrong with this bitch? never did nothing to her stupid ass. thought about filing harrassment charges but not even sure what her first name is and plus i think it would only cause trouble for aly at school. stupid bitch..wtf..seriously.. wtf is her prob with me/us???!!! GRR gotta go to ****ing work now will check in later after work.. SADIE
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sadie - Oh I see (about the closet). Don't be sorry, it's good to vent (: I understand how frustrating it can be when hours change, my boss is a complete b*tch so I have to work Christmas Day ¬¬ I'd say no but I need the money.
Some parents can just be like that when their daughter falls out with a friend; when I fell out with my friend her Mum made her delete all the pictures of us and times we had together off her computer O.o complete control freak of what?? Still, Mum's can be reaaally over-protective when it comes to their children.
Hello all. Hope everyone is doing alright. Well, Sadie cut us yesterday. So much for her stopping SH I guess. However, We have had alot of stress lately and with her being the one who handles most of all the anger/bitterness issues- I supposse it is understandable. For some reason , Dirti girl has been out almost once a day/night for a while now. We aren't sure why. She has begun making a room for herself inside in the hopes of leaving the closet for good. However, the voice isn't very happy about the idea as Dirti girl holds alot of the pain and such that are to be locked up the closet. So far all she has is painted walls carpet and a bed with blanket and pillow. Maybe that is all she wants. Who knows if she will ever be able to stay in that room though. I hope so though, for her sake, but we also do not know what will happen if she is able to. Also, I was looking through pics online looking for pictures that look similiar to myself (which are difficult to find it seems) and I found a couple pictures of a young woman with black hair and gray eyes. I saved them because they remind me of someone or something,but we are not not sure who or what or why. Hoping we do not have more inside with us. We all feel there is more than enough of us as there is.
Hi, just wanted to let you know you're not alone with this, both of you. I did have a problem with this a few months ago, it felt like I had split into 3, my body, Anna (destructive personality) and Rosie (childish, naive personality) I didn't have much control over myself, I just watched what was happening from across the room, seeing myself like as if I was watching a film. I still sometimes see myself from "outside" myself and don't feel 'real' sometimes, but the fact that I eat regularly now helps.
Take care, PM me anytime.
x
Hmm.. I have had this feeling too, so no-one is alone here. I often feel like I am watching myself from above, from outside my body.
Cold, feeling like crap. I'm sorry not posting on here much, paranoia set in and I think people are watching me. Being sent to the tissue viability unit at hospital following someone burning our arm 5 weeks ago, feel like **** about it. I hate doctors/hospitals and I really don't want to go to this place. They'll heal up eventually, I'm sure... Gah. Anyway. Christmas. Joy. Or not. Everyone's so much more noisy and triggered at this time of year. I hate my existance. Or someone hates my existance. Or I hate the others' existance. Or eveybody hates everybody's existance. I'm never too sure which it is.
Been keeping you all in my thoughts, hoping things are not too bad for you guys.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
*huggies for scath* i sori you haz veri hard tims rite now. an i sori yous bes hertd.
Sadie waz bad on wensda an her cutd us gin it looks yuki but it bes ok jus nofr scar.=/
icitd for crismis cuz i nevr hav crismis for me bfore an michel sa santa dos kno i bes lil on in big bodee an he wil com my hows for me =) i citd but ofrs reeli wan it bes ovr wif fast. I hops you fels betr soon hops you owie get betr soon to. Sarah
guess there are worse "obsessions" than exercise but it's eating up a lot of my time and money
