I have been dissociated for... well, since about May-ish. So I am literally just drifting along and it's horrible to know it. I can't snap out of it no matter what I try. I've missed most of the year and when I realise I just.. get depressed.
I have lost consciousness to the 'others' and been told that they, well, like to play Warcraft. I don't like this.
Vaxir -- I'm sorry you've been dissociated for so long. Why does the others playing Warcraft bother you? Do you have any contact with them that you can tell them to stop?
Hazel -- I am grieved to hear that you're struggling so much, and I'm sending strong, positive thoughts your way. Remember: it might feel like forever, but nothing lasts forever.
Kat -- I am so glad you got away and that nothing else happened, but given your history, it's understandable you feel shaken. Be patient as you recover from this blow :).
---
Okay, I know that multiple systems are as unique as the individual who creates them, and that a lot of unusual stuff can occur in them, but I have had something happen in my system I've never heard of happening.
Two of my alters (male and female) have had kids. Triplets to be exact, one boy and two girls. They aren't infant-aged alters, but something different. Perhaps those two alters simply desired to be parents? In the past, alters have conjured up things they desired, such as Elizabeth creating a black cat for her to play with when she was lonely.
Anyway, I only posted this in the hope others have had something at least similar to this. The system as a whole has welcomed the babies. If anyone is curious, the babies' names are Leah, Rose, and Edward.
Last edited by PaleMoon : 09-11-2010 at 01:36 AM.
Reason: add-on
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
There's no way of 'contacting' 'them'. More a case of there is myself, then these 'people' who seem to take over the body and leave me in the dark until they, for some reason, leave.
Psychiatrists are useless whom I have seen. They just change my medication or up/down the dose. They diagnosed me with Dissociative Identity Disorder and DDNOS, yet do nothing but mix my medications around.
*Sigh* I remember nothing these days thanks to this.
bad bad place. showing me what they want to do. are going to do?
scared and confused..what they will do is going to seriously impact my life. cant sleep. everything is too intrusive
how cant i get through to them. i know they were trained this way, but there must be away
littles terrified. i'm terrified. i never know when this is going to come
Vaxir - they've diagnosed you with DID and DDNOS? That seems a bit odd, might be an idea to ask them to clarify on that as I don't think you can usually be diagnosed with both at once. Maybe you could leave a note written somewhere and see if anyone writes a reply?
Palemoon - I got on a DID/abuse/dissoiaction specific forum from time to time and I have spoken to people there who have "families" within their systems, some have alters who date one another and I'm sure I have spoken to a few where an alter has a child. I am not sure how it works exactly, but I have heard of it happening.
_____
Jack came round today, he was meant to leave at about 5ish but I was in such a state that he rung his dad to say he would be staying here tonight and has stayed over. I feel so guilty, his father thinks badly of me already :( esspecially since last week when he noticed some of my scars.
On a good note though (I guess) I am 3 months through the 6 months of living alone thing. So made it half way without too much damage. On another good note I have a photography commision :) getting paid to take pictures of the anti-student fees increase protest march on Wednesday - now just got to make sure that I manage to get there
The 'not otherwise specified' is rather odd, could be meaning general dissociation? I have not a clue.
The psychiatist - first one - seemed highly interested in the 'personalities' (Edit: horrible word to describe it), the second and third don't give a crap.
really really not coping. things are terrifying. its goingto happen and there is nothing i can do. not safe with mmyself just now. not at all... because i'm not just myself am i. i hate this. i realyl really hate this. why do they want to hurt me so much.
kathryn~ Iam sure it was quite terrfying.Very glad you are safe and alright.
Scath~ Glad you have therapy tomorrow.Definately discuss with him/her everything you are struggling with recently.
Kasey~ Do not beleieve we have met you yet. How are you? I am Serenity. Are you new? Sorry Kyle is struggling. Hang in there.. things will get better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sadie and Hiding are struggling a bit.Sarah and I are the only ones who are still in decent moods lately although Sarah gets upset and cries and hides because it upsets her that the others are so upset.
Anyhow, Sarah is nagging me to let us sleep. so guess I betterlet her relax. gnight all.
Last edited by hidingme : 09-11-2010 at 02:34 PM.
Reason: CORRECTION.. big ..oops!!
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Kasey - Sorry to hear you're struggling, Holly doesn't really post or come out because she has talked about thought being stolen and put in our head.
Serenity - Sorry to hear Sarah's struggling, hope you're all okay
Palemoon - I know how you feel, I think sometimes some of my alters create new systems that they can hide in and just be away from everyone, which is why sometimes I can't reach them or hear them.
-------
I think I'm okay now. I did everything I could, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We're all stable at the moment, cherishing this as I know it won't last long, though I'll do everything I can to try and make sure it lasts for as long as possible.
Hope everyone's okay today.
Last edited by Kitkat :) : 09-11-2010 at 02:43 PM.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Once again, Ayka can't stand me eating. *sighs* round and round and round and round in a circle. I've just had a black tea and now my stomach hurts and I feel like being sick but I haven't eaten anything so there's nothing there. This is so annoying.
Don't know what the deal is lately. Hiding came out herself earlier today just long enough to write in her notebook, but that was all. Not sure what my deal is.. the thing withTori has reall left me feeling...sad and empty? that is the only way I know how to explain it..empty. I don't know who we can trust really anymore.. yes, there is the husband,but well, canhe protect us from ourselves?
I dunno.. feelinglost and empty and not used to it.. where is the anger? i can deal with anger better.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hey, long time no talk.
We know how you feel, I'm not really dealing with all the stuff that's going on so I'm restricting. At least that way I feel in control of something.
I haven't really expressed my anger recently, I'm more internally angry.
Not really sure how everyone else is dealing with it but some are taking time-outs in other systems that Kathryn doesn't know about... She thinks they're there but she doesn't know for definite.
Has anyone else had like..I don't know how to put it..external flashbacks??
Usually I'll see the flashback in my head but recently I've been seeing it all happen in front of me - like a wierd hallucination.
the last couple of days ive seen a girl hiding. I know it's me when I was little.
it's ok when she's just hiding, I smile at her and she just stares at me but it's when the man comes. I don't like it.
...I've been at a support group and it's been happening there and they keep asking me whats going on but how do I explain that im watching a 5 year old me being r**** in the corner of the room...
The rudeness!!!!!!!! All we wanted to do was go into the kitchen to make some dinner, but NOOOOO... the rude bastards stood in the way of the door and refused to move, then once we did get int hey all went silent and stared at us... Made Hazel start to cry and run back to our room. So now we are sat here, trapped and hungry all because of some rude idiots who think they rule the ****ing building
Last edited by shadow-light : 09-11-2010 at 11:45 PM.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sorry to hear you're struggling Emma, I've never experienced flashbacks so I wouldn't really know what to suggest... Kathryn has, but not external ones.
I saw the thread you just posted about that, they're so rude and horrible for making Hazel cry. I hate some people, I really do, why did they feel the need to do that??
sorry i'm not a help at all for anyone here and i don't even really know what i can say..
but.. maybe someone can help me a wee bit? I've been reading and looking up things for the last few days and i think i do understand now what it means to have dissociative disorders.
My problem now is: now i KNOW what it is called when i don't react or when i can't move or when i leave a place and suddenly find myself somewhere else. but if other people ask you what is going on with you, what do you say? do you tell them anything at all? do people know about the disorder? how did you explain it? do they understand what it means?
