lol shadow-light, what if the person next to you get off just 5 minutes after you started?
i just got home, i was in town all day and i made myself stopf thinking about the diagnosis, it went surprisingly well :) maybe because i was sitting in a café eating kilograms of ice cream lol ^^ but for some reason, i'm a lot calmer today, maybe tomorrow i'll start to think about how to deal with it..
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Nearly freaked out today.
I was outside Bromley South station and I was facing towards the barriers inside and I turned around to look at the high street and I felt really panicky... I felt so distant and cut off from everything, and invisible as well, I felt like people were walking right through me. I also felt like I wasn't looking at anything, even though my eyes were moving rapidly I felt like I was looking through every building, I was getting some pretty weird looks off people.
Then nearly at the end of my train journey I forgot I was on a train, then realised and felt kinda claustrophobic and trapped.
We're not doing well
the internal co-operation we had has fallen to pieces.
I feel like smashing my own head in to stop the noise, there have been times in the last couple of days where I've come bloody close.
That does sound scarey Kit Kat. I hope you are feeling better now. I've heard that derelization can be quite unsettling. Sorry you had to experience that. Take care . Serenity
Emma - was there a trigger, or anything you know of that might have made a communication problem between you all? I hope you achieve it again, it sounded like it was a really positive occurance when you could *offers hugs*
Feeling really out of it today... dissociated, can't feel my body, it makes me more unco-ordinated than usual. And pain flares ups everywhere. It's all I can do to stay present really, I just want today to be over, don't want to deal with this anymore..
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know were not what weve seen
For this dance well move with each other
There aint no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
This is scary and I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it.
They say I dissociate from reality when stressed.
How do I know? When all the lines are blurred.
When you're uncertain. when am I dreaming and when am I awake?
What is real and what is not?
managed to communicate with social worker after drinking re:disappearing for the whole weekend. she wants hospital. we don't. understand what shes saying and if i thought it would help i'd go- but its a very general psych unit predominantly full of psychosis based illnesses... we've been placed there before and its not what we need. the health professionals have no idea how to cope with did.
Despite being already diagnosed with did, i've been transfered to a different psych who has decided following recent events that she wants to test me for epilepsy...again.. how many times do we have to go through this before she'll pass me on to someone who is more able to give us the support that is necessary to stop these crises getting as bad as they do.
haven't managed to get out of the house today. even the dog has only been to the garden once... she always knows when things are bad and sticks right by my side.
Things are getting silly and in a really selfish way, i wish that i knew someone that had experienced life similarly to myself purely for the fact that some things aren't understood, even by people that have had a rough time.... some things can't even be said but have this crazy idea that someone from the same place might understand... alas thus far i've been disproved on this theory.... and its a selfish notion to begin with .
Don't really know whats going on , with folks inside... with health professionals.. anything... they're all deciding things for me and it doesn't seem like i've got much of a choice.
thats just how it goes sometimes i guess. have a raging headache. just.want.to.end.
Emma i hear you on a really deep level... totally with you on that feeling and i'm hoping that things get a little better for you soon, either that or you get some kind of clarity on whats going on
thinking of everyone as much as i can. sorry for being selfish lately
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It keeps happening, just cut off from everything. I don't know what I can do to stop it, nor do I know what brings it on.
I was at Bromley South station and there were people around me and I felt really vulnerable, like I was going to get attacked or like people were looking at me. I just wanted to jump onto the train tracks.
Sorry I've been really selfish and not trying to help others, I don't have many words right now but I'm thinking of you all.
Emma I know how you feel, recently the lines of reality have been extremely blurred for me and I'm beginning to think that this isn't real... I just can't tell.
kitkat- is there anything you can do (healthyly) that might keep you a bit more grounded... it especially seems like you're struggling by the station so perhaps catching it before it happens would be helpful...
i know i used to have a bee thing from the ELC meant to be clipped to a buggy, but it had crinkly wings, and the fact that it made a noise, had a texture (when things werent to foggy to feel) and i could see the shine of the wings meant that my senses were grounded a little in the here and now and kept things from getting as bad as they can a little- i should really get another one (the dog pinched it in the end to play with!)
found a picture of it incase that helps
The following content has been hidden - Reason : picture
Last edited by riley. : 05-11-2010 at 08:26 AM.
Reason: adding picture
I've never found that the touching wrist thing works too well, I find that touching external things (walls etc) works a bit better. Maybe you can try that?
Hi am XSamX , i think i have Dissociative disorder .
I dissociated today a few times ,my partner had to shake me to get me to respond .
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
It's too close for comfort
banging is causing big flashbacks and pretty constant panic attack for a few hours now. have come to stay with a friend in the country so not too many but still some. hate this time of year.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Yeah next time it happens I'll touch a wall or something, I'll have to try to make it look like I'm not out of it though, I kept rubbing my eyes and people must've thought I was on drugs or something.
Hi Sam *waves* if you think you have one maybe best to see a professional?
Hope you're okay Becci, is there anything you can do keep yourself safe?
I think my brain and my body have lost connection... for the last few days it's like I can't feel anything, I don't feel when I;m hungry, nor when I'm thirsty, I don;t even feel when I need to use the toilet. I literally can't feel a thing...
Also really struggling to do anything... I am spending 90% of my bad laying on my bed doing nothing, but I don't get bored or anything, I just can;t make myself do anything, I am not even showering most days. Only thing I can make myself do is go to the gym, and even that I'm only doing because I'm feeling so selfconsious and fat.
AND on top of everything Jack told me today that he's going off the idea of living in London!!! SO I gave up EVERYTHING to move here for him and now he doesn't even want to live here???????
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sorry to hear you're struggling Hazel ):
Normally someone has to go right in my eyeline, like right in my face to snap me back. It's like, I can hear them calling my name but I just can't respond.
Is it ok to join this thread? It's just I'm really worried atm. Whenever I get really angry or sad, I don't show the traditional signs of that emotion. I tend to just space out. To be honest it's more than that. It's like I'm watching my life through a video camera. I'm generally at my most self destructive then because it's not 'me' that's doing it. I won't respond to people, won't remember things that have happened during that time clearly. It's starting to have a real impact on my life, because I can never be sure when it'll happen. Plus whenever this happens I sometimes find myself using different accents and/or mannerisms. Because I'm not 'me'. I'm somebody different. I don't know what it is, but it's like I'm not living my life any more. Can anybody shed any light on this? :(
