Triggering (Abuse) - dissociative distress thread

[Kitkat :)]

I cut. With Onyxs' willing and my own vulnerability and weakness, I did it.

All the littles are scared now, but I don't know what to do...

[hidingme]

Theadora~

hey im angry alot too and hiding and sarah used to be afraid of me,
ive toned down alont and gotten better but in alot of ways i just feel weak and vunderable.

if you need to talk feel free to pm me ok? i understand how you feel.


Kit kat~

all you can do is try to tell the little ones that you didnt mean to scare them and you were really trying to seriously hurt yourself (hiding usually does that for sarah when i cut)

just treat the wound and take care of it so it doesnt get infected and try to work thru the reasons why yall did it .
SADIE (w/ Hiding)

p.s.
as for us.. sarah woke up at 3am scared of a storm and well then we got obessed trying to find a name for the new one.. we like serenity and tranquility but they dont seem to fit exactly right..althought the meanings do..
anyhow now sarah is mad that we didnt try to get back to sleep earlier gonna be a tiring, busy day at work too ..

[Kitkat :)]

I did it because we've been wanting to for ages. Well Onyx has been willing me since Summer, and I knew I was going to any day now, I was just tired of living on the edge. I'm just scared now. We all are. I know how bad I can get when I cut, but I never know how to stop it. Skye wrote in our r/v thread if you want to read that.

Hope you're all okay Sadie (:

[riley.]

psych tomorrow- didn't even know i had an appointment until after drinking someone apparently decided to contact the social worker. hm

[shadow-light]

I got a letter from the psych service today. Apparently I've been bumped up the list not sure why...

[hidingme]

a girl that goes to school with aly is starting crap with my friend , joanna's daughter. that girl and my daughter used to be friends and arent anymore and joannas daughter and my daughter have always been friends.. anyhow that girl's mom and her talk **** about me being a crazy split personality and aly says she 's never said anything to any of her friends ever about us except to hannah and hannah would never say anything about us to anyone. we know that for a fact..
anyhow joanna got in the car to go over there to talk to the mom i told her to be careful cause the mom (she looks like a crack head may jump on her ass) so kinda nervous ..

sorry rambling..a little chaotic inside i guess..
Hiding

[Kitkat :)]

Hope everyone's okay today (:

*hugs to all*

[hidingme]

blah sadie was a bitch this morning to mike. he had an early dr appt. so he left w.o saying bye or "i love you" stood at door where he could see me and he never looked not once..

made me feel unimportant.. which triggers memories with nathan so ive cried my eyes out this morning.

great way to start the morning.. sigh..

sorry just feeling real shitty.

Hiding =(

[Kitkat :)]

Sorry to hear your feeling so bad Hiding ):

I'm feeling shitty too. I feel that my self harming is just going to get worse but I'm too scared to do anything about it... Please don't judge me on this, I've already had people having a go because I'm too scared to go and get help... But none of the doctors at my surgery will take me seriously. The last time I went I got told to "just stop self-harming" and that was a woman doctor who said that, and I chose to see her cos I thought she might be a little more empathetic but I was wrong. I doubt any of the other doctors in my surgery will actually listen to me and I don't know where else to go or what to do. Plus all the littles are crying as well, no ones happy...

I'm just a failure.

[riley.]

got to run. gogogogogogo. gone. run

[ghosts in the machine]

Becci - sending you hugs. Please take care.

Kitkat - my GP is male, and he's really good about mental health stuff and is really nice to me about things that I find difficult. Maybe one of the guy doctors at your surgery would be better to talk to about this stuff?

Hazel - it's probably a good thing, at least you won't have to wait so long to see someone.


I've been quite out of it today, full of flashbacks and trying to be functional at work.. But it's the weekend now so no need to be normal and I can feel everything inside pressing at the edges, all wanting to burst out screaming.

[hidingme]

hi kathryn..
i /we will never judge you about you SH'ing as we do it too occassionally and we are in no position to judge anyone ever really.

sorry the little ones are so upset and all

what surgery are you having? did i miss that post somewhere.. this is the first ive heard of it.

take care hon
pm if ya want ok?
Hiding

[riley.]

raining

[hidingme]

umm hi..

I am still not totally"whole" feeling so guess that will come with time..I hope. =) so right now I am out with Hiding..she is sort holding my hand till I feel more comfortable.

I sort settled on a name(s). Gonna attempt to stick with Serenity. it fits my purpose and I like it but my job is going to be very difficult. I just feel like the name Serenity holds alot of expectations. and if I decide I can't fulfill them as I want to I think I may go with Serena..same meaning just well feel like it doesn't have as much expecttions attached to it.

This morning when Hiding was triggered ..I had a hard time convincing her and the others differently and calming them down. I am hoping with practice and such that will be easier and I can fulfill my purposes.

anyhow guess I just wanted to introduce myself.. I am not sure I will post much here, but I may.. not sure.. everything is still so new to me and its alot to get used to.

take care and stay hopeful

Serenity

[Cherry Tree]

We're all freaking out.
if anyones around, we could use someone to talk too

[Fraction]

I'm around Emma.

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. Really struggling. But reading and thinking of you all. Everyone seems to be having such a hard time right now and I really hope things improve for you all soon.

[Cherry Tree]

Hi fraction,

I'm calming down a little now. How are you? What's been happening?
Thinking of you too xx

[Fraction]

Will PM you xx

[hidingme]

Hello, Emma. feel free to Pm us. We also have yahoo messenger if you'd rather chat. Just let us know.

Take care and stay hopeful.
Serenity

[Fraction]

InsanityLives - Hope you're doing ok.

Kitkat - My Chemical Romance sounds good, glad you had a good time. I'm sorry to hear that Onyx/ you SHed, but try not to beat yourself up about it. You've been doing ever so well fighting the urges - don't let one slip up bring you down. Hope you're ok. Maybe you could contact the counsellor at your college and ask about seeing them and check the confidentiality rules and stuff?

Becci - It sounds like you are having a horrific time at the moment and the pressure to try and stay functional and keep up a front sounds enormous, especially when you feel that you can't trust anyone. How did it go with the psych? Are things better now you are at home? I hope you're safe.

Scath - *Offers hugs*.

Cherry Tree - The internal meeting you held sounds great, well done! I hope that the communication and the sense of "together-ness" has continued and that you are still getting some good sleep. How are you doing at the moment? Hope you're ok.

Hiding, Sadie and Sarah - I'm so glad to hear that Aly likes her counsellor and that it seems to be going well. Keep us updated :-] Have things settled down now at home? Did you work out the CT scan in the end?

Serenity - Hope things are going well for you and with the others. Have you been able to talk to the others much? I'm glad you have settled on a name :-]

Dancintrulife - I'm sorry to hear that you have derealisation. It's a distressing and confusing experience. Have you told anyone about this? Does your GP/ psych know? Do you have any idea what triggers it?

Shadowlight - I'm so sorry that you're having such a frightening time at the moment. Please PM me if you need to talk. I'd really encourage you to contact the police about this and explain the situation and the context to them - it's really important that you are safe.

PaleMoon - How are things going for you all at the moment? How did it go with the physical liver-y stuff? How's therapy going?

Thinking of you all.