A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hazel, hope your toe is okay (:
Insanitylives, I got this book aaaageeees ago and it was on how to be a witch by using stuff like that... Like spells with smells haha.
Fraction, it's okay (: I'll always offer you support, and everyone else (: I'm glad I can be of assisstance to you. Hope you do manage to stay safe, and take good care of yourself, especially in view of finding out something that has de-stabilised you *safe hugs*
Insanity Lives - That sounds awful. How are you doing at the moment?
Sarah - Yes, I think things might be sad for a while, but hopefully you can pull together as a family and support each other. How is Hiding's daughter doing at the moment? Is she talking about it all? Hope you are ok Sarah and all of you. Thinking of you all.
Kitkat - Thank you, your support means a lot to me. And we're here for you any time :-]
Thea kinda broke down to jocelyn.
I think she'll be more co-operative in the future, eventhough she has hurt my face which is quite sore.
*massive huggles to everyone*
*big squishes to sarah - thank you so much for you kindness little one*
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Thanks Fraction (: is there any way you know how to calm yourself down? Go outside, take some deep breaths... If you feel like you're dizzy or going to pass out then head between your knees to get the blood flowing back to your brain. Warm bath, reading a book, maybe writing in your diary to see what you're feeling panicky about and try and rationalise it in your mind?
Hope you're okay (:
Emma, sorry to hear Theadora hurt your face, but I hope she'll be more co-operative in the future (: sometimes the angry ones need a little time to calm down and sort themselves out. Take care (:
dissociation is coming back. (i'm not a new member, just got a new account)... i think someone talking me into going to the type of church i used to go to triggered it. anyone else have trouble with religious type stuff triggering them? i'm not sure what to do, right now i'm getting the almost pleasant type feeling, which is really bad cause usually after that i get really bad... has anyone else had dissociation be pleasant, almost like you're high but you're not?
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
anyone else have trouble with religious type stuff triggering them?
Oh yeah, I cant go into a church session without dissociating. And I have a very strong irrational hatred of (organised) religions. Beyond that of a normal atheist I reckon.
But I don't mind going in if it's to admire the architecture or something not-religious.
*waves to everybody*
I'm sorry for not being around so much recently, just started back at uni so I'm up at 06:30 four days a week and I'm bloody knackered. Plus all the recent crap that's been going on, and pain all through my body that my GP can't explain... leads to me not being on the internet so much.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Kitkat - Thank you for your suggestions :-] Really appreciate your kindness and friendship. How are you doing? Have you got a day off today or are you in college with those girls? (Or as Bethany is saying: the meanie poos!)
Izzie - Sorry to hear that, some of ours are silent too, it can be hard. Hope you're ok, here if you need to talk.
Beautiful Seclusion - I have heard about people being triggered by religious things, particularly after SRA. I don't get triggered by that, but I am here to listen if you want to talk. I know what you mean about the dissociative "highs", the mind can take us to some strange places. I hope you're safe and that the "crash" wasn't too bad.
Scath - How is uni going? Sorry to hear about the problems with the pain in your body. Hope you're ok.
In the end last night we finally talked (we go through long periods of silence) which helped a bit. Feeling a bit paranoid and unsafe this morning.
Hey Fraction - uni is.. well I don't remember much. I'm doing a work placement as a psychology research assisstant, and apparently I've been editing questionnaires and doing a literature review on children and domestic violence (understanding of it, its effects, their coping mechanisms and previous research theories/styles into the topic). The work is on my laptop, but I don't recall doing much of it. Which terrifies me, because what if someone else is doing it? What happens when they don't do it, and I don't know what to do, and then we all get exposed and **** hits the fan? And the whole placement means getting up at 06:30 and getting home at 19:00, so it's a long day anyway, even if I could be confident that I'm in control while at work. Hence the tiredness.
You get times where you don't say anything? I have that too. I've wondered if someone inside can stop me from talking 'cause sometimes I can want to say lots of things but my jaw locks up and my voice doesn't work. And if I write stuff down it gets destroyed or deleted so no one can read it.
Hope the bad feelings go away for you soon. Is there anything that you can do to make yourself feel more safe?
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
hey.. umm well we need to explain but will later work soon. and not wanting to have to go thru the whole hide box thingee right now so will later..
sarah is ok just sad like all of us are never thought our heart could be brokenlike it is again..but well yeah.. gonna take alooong time.
taking aly for counseling screening later.. letting stay home from school after the weekend weve had so maybe she can get her head together before facing the BS from kids at school.
aly (daughter) is talking more now..mike has been crying alot (itll make sense later when i can hide box ) we just all feel so bad..i dont even think cutting would help at this point..hiding has had some pretty detailed suicidal thoughts lately ..luckily that is all they are and will ever e thoughts but boy how sometimes we wish they werent.
anyhow gotta go to work soon.. more later.. thanks for asking about us and all.. SADIE
Sadie - I'm so sad to hear how things are for you all at the moment, it just sounds awful. I hope it goes well with the counselling screening today, let us know how it goes and we'll be thinking of you and Aly. It's good that you can recognise that self harm wouldn't help. Keep battling those suicidal thoughts. We're here if any of you need to talk.
Scath - Sounds really confusing trying to manage everything in your life. I know from experience how frightening it can be when another part completely deals with an aspect of life. How long is the placement for? Are you able to communicate at all with other parts? I completely know what you mean about not being able to speak and wondering if someone inside is preventing it. I have long stretches of time when I just cannot speak, it's like my voice is paralysed. I can relate it to things that have happened to me but it's hard to explain and there are a lot of different reasons for it... Often I'm not even really aware of how silent I am until someone outside mentions it because I just retreat inside myself. Does it happen to you often? How do you cope with it?
The placement is for this academic year, I just don't understand why things are so distant for this... I like uni. I was really enjoying it last year, so I dunno why I 'want' (?) to dissociate it.
The voice thing happens quite a lot.. when I'm trying to write about bad things that have happened, or ask for support, or talk in therapy sometimes. People know me as quite shy (that's why I got the name Shadow) so when I can't talk around people it's not commented on too much. It makes me scared though, although I don't know if that's me being scared or someone else being scared that I'm talking and thus stopping me.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I have a massive headache. I had the most graphic flashback in counselling today. I felt inconsolable.
Erm..my counsellor suggested I need to start journalling more and sharing it in our sessions so that I get some more space for myself to talk. Makes more sense I guess.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Trigger SI/abuse
well sadie and I cut today we were out together and we both had reasons doing it.. for sadie it was a little release of all these horrible feelings for me i deserve it im a horrible mother. my 13 yo daughter has been having s*x, cutting and having suicidal thoughts.. i must've done something wrong.. or maybe its a combo of things but im still at fault too imsure somehow. mike spanked her other day with belt and left visable bruises on her butt and we were here ..he wasnt outta control with it and we thought she deserved her ass spanked but weve all including mike has cried over it he feels like a child abuser now. any how my point right now is out cutting today we cut in a diff spot near shoulder/collar bone. we couldnt watch ourselves do it as sadie usually does to make sure it doesnt cut too deep it prolly needs a stitch or two but i deserve it..i deserve much much worse.
i hate hiding things from mike.. but he has been crying everyday over aly so we dont want to tell him about this yet. but most importantly aly can not find out.. dont want to encourage her doing it.. we do not do it often and we are careful when we do but this one hurt alot and is pretty deep we could see the meat and it bled a while but we used alot of antisepptic on it and antibiotic ointment..
im sorry
Last edited by hidingme : 18-10-2010 at 07:28 PM.
Reason: freaking dumb ass hide box
Scath - I'm glad you do enjoy uni. Strange that you are so distant from it this year... Do you think something there has triggered or distressed you? A colleague, or the subject matter, even something small like a smell? I know what you mean about the voice thing. My family know me very well, so they can recognise when something's going wrong and my mum's pretty good at understanding me even when I can't be verbal. Outside of that though I think people probably perceive me as very quiet and shy. You're right, it is scary. It's frustrating and can feel frightening when it feels like I'll never be able to speak again. Often lots of things swirl under the surface but I can't pin them down, just feels bad. Do you get this often? How do you cope with it?
Emma - Poor, poor you having such a graphic flashback. How are you feeling now? Is there anything you can do to comfort yourself and the others inside? It's a good idea to journal, we do a lot of journalling and use it as the main thing in therapy. Doesn't work for everyone, but can be really helpful. Hope you're ok sweetie.
Hiding - I'm really sorry to hear how overwhelming and terrible things have been for you lately. I'm sorry to hear that you self harmed, but please don't beat yourself up about it. It's understandable and I think you have been very brave and strong. If you can I wonder if it would be a good idea to tell Mike rather than have him find out about it later? Could you go to your GP or nurse and get the wound checked out if it's deep? How are you feeling now? Are you able to talk to Aly about what she is feeling and going through, or is she closed up? How did the counselling screening go today? Sorry lots of questions... Just worried about you.
Hi Emma. I would like to, but at the moment I'm feeling really paranoid and so I'm scared to write much publicly :-[ But basically got quite a lot going on at the moment and finding it all overwhelming. I'm sorry you're not feeling good. How have you been coping since you got back after therapy? Is there anything you can do to help you get through the evening? Offering hugs xxx
fraction.. the screening went well and actually was done by the one who will counsel her she is like in her mid twenties and aly seems to like her so far so that is good. aly is talking to us more and telling us honestly how she feels about things.. i prolly tell her more than i/we should about us but well we tell her things we do arent how you should handle things and it isnt always good but we tell her so mayb she will truly realize she can come to me , sadie, mike and even sarah about anything always. so yeah she knows we cut today... she wanted to see it to make sure its ok.. and it made her cringe some she told me just please not to do it anymore. =/
i feel bad about not telling michael really i do i despise keeping secrets from him.. but i went to bathroom to change and when i canme out mike was sayin something to aly about how "she is probably worried about he will react" so maybe aly told him.. not sure..def not asking. lol just wish something ..anything would hurry up and get the time in our lives over with for all of us.. this super sucks ass..
sorry sadie and i have been intertwined alot lately..
sorry you had a bad day hope it gets better for you *safe hugs* if you want them Hiding (w/Sadie)
