Kitkat - Yeah it's a good idea to think it through, but exciting to have something new to treat yourself with! That's great that your mum talked to you about the alters and that she accepts the way you are :-] Hope you have a good start to the weekend.
InsanityLives - One of ours was selective mute for a long time, now she does speak to a few people.
Labyrinth - That sounds confusing to find those things out, but good that you did. Hope you're safe.
Hiding - I hope it was a good kind of embarrassed instead of bad :-] I know what you mean about the constant triggers and how horrid it is when someone shouts. You'll get there though. Hope you have a good weekend with your family.
I'm worried... last night Jack told me he'd been thinking about suicide and was annoyed at himself that he was too scared of death to do it! spent a few hours last night talking to him and trying to convince him that although things are ad right ow they will never stay that way forever THis morning (he stated over) he seemed better... he's gone back to his dads house now, but I'm really worried
well i guess it was a good embarrassed - if embarrassed is ever good.. im not sure it ever is.. but then again i have super extreme anxiety.. and if i woulda had any clue i would took a xanax earlier that night. ugh... boy sadie was laughing but she sooo wanted to hurt him.. she was telling him there is 2 forks there and knife right there.. lol anyhow we survived i guess tho.. and actually he had good intentions the reason he said he did it was because weve been so upset and depressed over my daughter.. thathe thought it raise our anxiety to a n extrame then it would be out and be able to lower and calm us afterwards.. basically he did it to let it all out fast so we will fill better..he actualy had good intentions and wasnt just doing it to just do it. not sure how we feel abou that..just glad its over and was very glad when we could leve that building and truly breathe again.
hope everyone is doing ok.. sorry i/we havent been too great at reading everyones posts..it hard to stay focused to do it all sometimes.
Hiding - Not sure I quite understand the reasoning, but I'm glad he meant well. Well done for coping with it, it must have been very anxiety-provoking.
Hazel - That sounds worrying but I'm glad you and him could spend time talking it through. Does his parents know that he is struggling? Does he have any counselling?
He saw someone a while back for social anxiety, but he doesn't think it did any good... I'm trying to talk him into seeing a doctor, but on the other and it could just be the crrent situration that's getting hm down so I lso offered to help him get a job and stuff. I doubt his parents know, got a feeling that if they did they would just blame me for it anyway...
got a text off him appologising. We are going to the cinema tomorrow so will be able to talk to him a bit more then
Hello,
I'm currently helping Emma cope. I'm trying to pretend to be her in front Jocelyn and her son. I can't bear any questions, she hasn't noticed a difference so that's good.
I know Emma finds it hard watching people with their children at the moment since she's just coming to terms with losing hers. We miss our baby so much. Thea is angry and keeps calling Emma a murderer. It's my fault Emma got pregnant in the first place so I feel I'm responsible.
I feel it's my duty to help emma cope with the mess I made.
I wanted a baby so badly because I wanted something good and pure to come from our abuse so I got a guy to sleep with me. I got what I wanted...almost.
I'm so sorry, please don't think I'm a bad person.
URgh, constant flashes, teases, ghosts in ym skin.
I hate this. Everytime I stop i feel things happening. Can't speak again i'm not allowd.
how do i fix this? THere's burns on my arm but i don't remember them. Kind of glad they're there so i can poke them and hurt them and not think at all.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Hazel - Sounds like a nice idea to go to the cinema. Sometimes things get so serious and it's good that you are going out and doing things too. I hope that he does take your encouragement to seek help, because it sounds like he could do with some professional support to help him to stabilise. I'm thinking of you both.
Sadie - Sounds good! Glad to hear you sounding chirpy
Penny - I'm relieved to hear that you are helping Emma to keep going. I've been worried about her. Do you think it would help things to tell Jocelyn who you are and when you are out? I don't think you are a bad person at all. I think you and Emma and the others are all so incredibly brave. You have all been through such terrible things and I have a lot of admiration for you all. I can understand why you would want something pure and innocent and your own to love and treasure and care for. It makes a lot of sense and it must have been devastating to lose the baby. I'm here if you or any of the others ever need to talk, and I'm thinking of you all.
Scath - I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time. I can relate so much: the flashes, teases, sensations on skin, not being allowed to speak, finding SH... I know how horrible and disturbing it is. Are you with anyone who can help support you? Are you safe? Keep fighting. Here for you if you need to talk.
**
We are really blank today. Yesterday was really overwhelming and so mind has shut down today. But underneath feels like something bad is lurking and got body flashbacks a lot and strong urges, and also SH wounds pretty bad from yesterday didn't deal with it very well. But anyway just allowing the blankness and the switches. Need a break.
Fraction .. Thank you so so much for your kind words. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Body flashbacks are so horrible and draining, I've watched Emma have them and they are quite traumatic to watch so god knows what they must be like to experience - you just do what you need to do to keep yourself going and safe. Do you live with anyone love? Anyone that can wrap you up in a cozy blanket with a warm drink and maybe sit with you so you can talk or watch a light hearted film? That's what I would do if i were with you. You sound like you do everything in your own strength and although I do admire you for that, everyone can do with being looked after once in a while and given a break.
Take good care of yourself and I'm around if you'd like to talk.
xxx
Aww thanks Penny. I really appreciate your kind words and concern :-] Yeah I hate body flashbacks. There's a couple that I just have constantly, the sensations are there pretty much 24/7 and it's pretty horrible. The full on ones are just awful. I live with my family and they're really great and supportive, I'm lucky to have them. I'm sitting with them at the moment while they watch Strictly :-] I feel kind of... I don't know I feel so disconnected and blank today. I'm not sure what I feel or what is going on inside. Yesterday was a really horrible day so I think my mind's just kind of short circuited which is ok for the time being I guess. How are you all doing this evening? Thanks again xx
I'm glad you've got people around you.
I think it's natural for your mind to kinda shut down after a hard time. I guess it's just your bodys coping mechanism.
Sorry my mind is starting to slow down..I don't know if I'm pre switchy...Sorry.
Penny - Yeah my mind is quite good at shutting off when things get too overwhelming and keeping me safe. I'm switchy and losing time, not really sure who exactly is up front! Think mainly littles, or sometimes no one at all so I look blank on the outside... Hope you guys are ok. Do you find switches ok to deal with? I know it's weird, that pre-switchy feeling. Keep safe :-]
Labyrinth - Sounds really upsetting. Do you have anyone you trust who you could talk to about this? Take it easy on yourself. You don't have to read anything until you are ready.
I suddenly feel a rush of anger. A real surge!
I think Thea is close to the surface. This isn't good. No good can come of Thea being out.
I need Emilys help to contain her.
****...
Thanks Fraction - not feelign great but i can talk again. a bit. feeling small though. I'm staying with a friend currently, am curled up in bed with tea and blankets. Dunno who hurt the arm, want to know but i feel really distant and distconnected from anybody inside..
I want to talk to my psych, but he;s away for the next two weeks *sadface* i want people inside (if they even exist) to co-operate and talk to him and me
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Penny -- I hope that if Theadora comes out, she won't cause too much trouble. Do you know why she wants to come out?
Scath -- That's good that you're all cozied up :). But it's too bad your psych is away. That's a very hard thing to go through, especially when you're struggling. Could you somehow communicate to those inside that you need their help?
---
OMG I'm so excited! :D I finished my highschool equivalency examination! It took 5 hours but it's done now! I know it's not considered cheating, but it was weird because Luke took some of the exam for me (he's never been to school, but he drew from my memories). Sometimes being a multiple is handy.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
badbad bad da. i no sa veri much bout toda cuz mayb trigr som peepl an no wan to. but hiding dawtr brakes us harts lots. we cri, she cri , michel cris. we all cri lots an lots. veri bad da .. i hops the bad da ovr now an tomoro bes bettr .
iveri sad. i seepi tho and hidin wana seeps andhops we no waks up but .. we wil waks up.. so i tink i go put us sepitims now.
i hop tomoro be bettr da an everibodi no cri so much.
i hope its ok i post here.
i dissociate a lot... and i dont know why, i lose time, days seem to blur together, i feel out of it & dazed, i feel lost a lot of the time, feel like im losing it...
Penny/ Emma/ All - I hope you all got through the evening safely and were able to feel those angry feelings in a safe way. Thinking of you.
Scath - I can relate exactly to what you wrote, you described it really well - the feelings of distance, disconnection, being small etc. Are you able to work on internal communication at all? I hope you're ok, I'm glad you were with your friend yesterday *Offers hugs*.
Labyrinth - It's good that you aren't pushing yourself to find out things that you aren't ready for. I hope that things smooth over and improve with your friend soon.
PaleMoon - Congratulations on finishing the exam! Five hours is a long one. Hurrah for being multiple and the perks it sometimes has
Sarah - I'm sorry you all had such a bad day. It sounds so upsetting. I hope that things are better for you all and your family today *Hugs*.
Sarawr - Welcome to the thread! Of course it's ok to post here :-] I'm sorry to hear how much you are dissociating. It can be disturbing and disconcerting when you are losing a lot of time and things blur. Do you know what is causing you to dissociate? Do you have much support? Here if you ever need to talk.
**
Littles came out last night, well most of yesterday really. I guess someone had to front eventually! Hoping for a better, more balanced day today.
Haven't been here before, but felt the need to say hello.
my name is ashleigh its my first time taking over completely and have been out for probably the last day or so.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : possible trigger
life is pretty shitty right now for us - finding hasn't posted much because she is feeling very alone and unworthy of anyone's time. we learned about three weeks ago now that we are pregnant and it's our abuser's child. finding has also had to defer her uni studies because the presence of all us and processing all this trauma stuff and being in violent situation is too overwhelming and concentrating on a graduate degree just isn't possible.
so i just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. i hope that everyone is doing alright and taking care of themselves. thanks for reading.
life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
