We're hiding from the Home treatment team.
Someones very close to the surface and wants to come out but I keep telling them it's not safe to right now.
I keep having flashes in my mind and I'm finding them quite upsetting. They make my stomach churn and my head race. The insiders all pipe up with their opinions and yeah it's hard.
Sorry I haven't been around recently, but I have been reading and thinking of you all xxx
Not safe! Not safe! Not Safe!
When will it ever be safe? It won't! So why won't she just let me out huh?
All I want is some time out. She doesn't know how much it ****ing hurts being in darkness where I was shunned while everyone else got their time to shine.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Kathryn tried talking to her Mum last night but JEEZ you have to spell it out for that woman. She told her how tough the last months were blah blah blah and then her Mum just gave us a hug.
A hug.
Better than nothing but that's not really what Kathryn was looking for.
Sadie!! Ahhhh I know I've missed you too, had to be quiet though cos the little's have been upset. They've wanted their dummy a lot, and Kathryn has had to oblige in the most awkward of places... On a bus for one, so people were staring at her.
Kathryn watched Lady and the Tramp last night... Brought back some emotions and started crying. She couldn't remember watching the film when she was younger but knew some of the words to the film... Think the little's must've enjoyed it.
Jack will be round soon... I got to my photoshoot this morning, slightly hungover but there, now got a few days to do the editing so giving myself the afternoon off (the perks of self-employment lol)
Really not sure I want to talk to Jack about what the psych said... but he's going to ask so going to have to tell him :/
Hazel - Hope that you have a nice enjoyable time with Jack and that if you do decide to talk to him about it all that it's a positive thing. Thinking of you.
Sadie - Glad you don't feel we were lecturing. We used to smoke a lot and it really did damage. Hope you guys are doing ok today.
Finding Reason - All of us had our own names already, it wasn't like a conscious choice of choosing names or anything like that. I think Lost Boys explained really well the separation of alters and difference between alters and aspects. However everyone with DID is different and systems have different ways of organising themselves, so whatever works in your system is what works. Hope you're ok.
Becci - Sitting with you and offering our support.
Lost Boys - It must be very difficult having so many days without your T when you are used to seeing her regularly and when the new alter has been communicating so much with her. When is your T back? How are things going generally IP? We think of you often and hope that you are all doing ok.
Emma - Did you manage to talk to HTT in the end? I hope that you are coping ok with it all. Thinking of you and we're here if you ever need to talk.
Cherry Tree - Not sure who it was that posted. Hope that you are keeping safe and that you have found a safe and healthy way to express all that you need to express.
Ayka - I'm really glad to hear that Kathryn talked to her mum and that her mum was sympathetic, even if her mum didn't offer much support. It's good that they will be able to be more open with each other. Hope you are all doing ok today.
**
I won't go into details as it won't interest anyone but we have done some constructive work today and we are feeling quite positive. Slept badly last night and lots of nightmares and flashbacks and stuff so I guess it balances out!
Helo
Mi nam is titch
I nu to big jo an she no met me yet
I hav bad fings hapen to me
I fink i 6
We went to b plas yestada wiv otha pepl lik us we lik it tho it scary sumtims
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
how do you know when someone has intergrated? I can't feel Faith inside anymore, and it feels like I know things now and reember things that didn;t before... it's like during sleeping last night Faith vanished and memories/feelings appeeared, but has she really gone gone or am I just mis interperating stuff? I had a lot of "interesting" dreams last night and now they feel more memoryish than dreamish but not sure if they are memories or just dreams...
^ Hazel -- It sounds an awful lot like Faith has integrated, at least, the way we understand integration to be. But that doesn't mean she's gone, she is just no longer separate from you (Hazel).
Titch -- Hi there! You're so brave to come here all by yourself. Are you going to introduce yourself to big jo pretty soon?
Obadiah -- Now don't say it won't interest anyone. It interests me how you're doing, and since you take the time to respond to so many of us, it's only fair you get your time too :).
---
Alright, so I let Jen reply to those that she wanted to, but Luke is the one writing this stuff, okay? Hope we're not confusing anyone.
Jen is such a little control-freak. She can't stand having any of us out most of the time. She's too afraid of people calling her a fake. She won't even let us come out and talk to our T. For Christ's sake, she's our T too!
Anyway, rant over. Gotta tell you all how we're doing. Jen wrote a letter to her brother last night about the stuff he did to her, telling him how she loves him and he doesn't have to apologize, blah blah blah. Of course she didn't consult with the rest of the insiders, to see how we felt. Not like she ever does.
Can you tell I'm the guy who holds the anger?
Thanks, Obadiah, for complimenting us on how far we've come. And we are getting better. Things are much more stable within the system. But Jen still needs to learn that she isn't the only one in here. Sure, she may insist that she knows that, but she sure doesn't act like it.
Anyway, this has gotten too long, and Jen is pushing to come back out. Sorry if Jen not always posting annoys you guys. Sometimes I just have to have my say.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
I just want to add how hopeful the diagnosis of DD is. It is a logical response to illogical events. Your brains have saved you by dissociating from the trauma you were subjected to, and now there are ways to heal the pain that you are facing.
If anyone is looking for support in England then these guys are the sh*t! They offer support, advice, teaching and hope. I wish I'd found them earlier!
They also have produced a DID emergency card which looks really good, but i havent needed to use it yet - i do plan to present it to any police or health professional that i come into contact with though, because they should know about it.
They have more events like the one we attended, next year (february, april...)
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
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